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Newly broken up? Here are 10 separation tips to help get you through it. – Mamamia

Newly broken up? Here are 10 separation tips to help get you through it. – Mamamia

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“More often than not, parties who are separating are in a tense and highly emotional situation. The potential for conflict is high. Their interaction and communications may greatly frustrate the possibility of finding sensible resolution of their differences.

Unless they find mechanisms or processes to control and reduce their disagreements, the situation can flare up in ways that drive them further apart and into long-term conflicts that can not be in their best interests.

Alternative dispute resolution – such as mediation – can be very useful at such times and produce outcomes that reduce tension, control conflict and save time, money and stress”.

Find Ian in the Separation Exchange’s directory.

4. Agree on boundaries the best you can – i.e. no slagging your ex partner to the kids.

This is a tough one to do in my experience, especially during the early days post-separation. Trust me, I have not played nice but then neither did my ex (see my sordid story!). I would see my ex with his new “playmate” on Facebook and go into livid mode and spin off rants via text. Yes, removing them from social media as “friends” is also a good idea, but for some reason we both thought that it would be OK (it wasn’t).

This also means setting up rules of “disengagement,” and avoiding slagging or trash talking your ex no matter how hard it gets. Your kids have so much to deal with as it is, they do not need the weight of your issues with their other parent to be put on their little shoulders. So, start by chatting/texting/emailing your ex about boundaries and rules of disengagement. It will benefit your vibe and lighten the load of separation ever so slightly on your kids.

Mandy Nolan discusses just how vital support is during separation. Post continues after audio…

5. Gather information and take copies of documents that that you will need.

This will help you even more if you do this prior to seeing your family lawyer. (see the Separation Exchange for experts and checklists!).

Here are a few items to copy/collate: recent bank statements, birth certificates, share statements, asset statements, list all assets and collate all supporting documents, super statements of you and your ex’s, any wills, land title certificates. Consider colour copying kids’ special art work so that you both have copies of them. I kept folders for each year of my kids’ “special” drawings, copying these and sharing them with your ex will definitely win some trust from your ex and reflect you considering their needs, too.

6. Consider working on a STRATEGY.

Even if you cannot afford a full drawn legal battle, consider investing in a senior family lawyer to run through your situation and provide you with a strategy or road map of what approach to use. Setting yourself up with a legal understanding will help clear up any misconceptions.

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