![\"mother](\"https:\/\/hips.hearstapps.com\/hmg-prod.s3.amazonaws.com\/images\/mother-wakes-her-daughter-in-bed-in-morning-royalty-free-image-1579282509.jpg?crop=1.00xw:0.752xh;0,0.154xh&resize=980:*\" "\\"mother")
<\/picture>\n\n\tevgenyatamanenko<\/span>Getty Images<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n Divorce sucks. There\u2019s no way around it. Even if you’re positive that it\u2019s the right thing for you and for your family it\u2019s still not the outcome anyone hoped for when you clutched a bouquet and swapped rings in front of all your friends, God, and the caterers. Even the friendliest divorce<\/a> makes life more complicated for you, your kids, and their other parent\u2014and too often divorce is the opposite of friendly. That said, for many women divorce is an optimistic act, an affirmation that they believe there\u2019s a happier future waiting for them, if they hang in there through the hard adjustments. In that spirit, here\u2019s some learned wisdom<\/a> from been-there-and-back single moms, some newly separated, and others with their unhappy marriages more than a decade in the rear view.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n \n\t\t\t\t\t1<\/span><\/p>\n \t\tDecision-making can be much easier. <\/span>\n\t<\/p>\n \u201cI remember when my ex first moved out my son and I painted a wall bright yellow simply because I wanted to. Before, everything had to be \u2018approved\u2019 by him, so hanging up a picture could take days! Painting the wall yellow was symbolic of my freedom.\u201d \u2014Janie, 50, Calabasas, CA RELATED: <\/strong>15 Men Reveal the Moment They Knew They Wanted a Divorce<\/a><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\t\t\t\t\t2<\/span><\/p>\n \t\tSingle-mom friends are a must. <\/span>\n\t<\/p>\n \u201cA lot of the things you face are not the same as your married friends. It can be really helpful to have a little tribe<\/a> for yourself, people who understand the logistical and emotional implications of being a single parent and who will do favors for you: pick up the groceries, go get your kid. It feels a little weird asking married friends to do this, because they don\u2019t quite get the priority or urgency of what you\u2019re asking. And it\u2019s important to have other parents to talk to about things that are unique to your situation.\u201d \u2014Karen, 53, Northampton, MA<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\t\t\t\t\t3<\/span><\/p>\n \t\tYou may regret having been “nice.” <\/span>\n\t<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t insist on child support, because I wanted to maintain a friendship with my ex and I was the one leaving. I felt that acting in \u2018good faith\u2019 would be more beneficial to our long-term relationship, and that showing I trusted him would beget trust. But you really need to protect yourself financially<\/a>. When things got really critical with our son later on, I had to take him to court and it was a big drama. At the time I thought we\u2019d be friends for the next 20 years, but there were later stage consequences for my naivety.\u201d\u2014Julianna, 53, New York City <\/p>\n RELATED: <\/strong> \n\t\t\t\t\t4<\/span><\/p>\n \t\tAiming for perfection is a waste of energy. <\/span>\n\t<\/p>\n \u201cWhen we first split up, I felt like I needed to be \u2018extra\u2019 for my kids\u2014extra attentive, extra fun, extra \u2018on it.\u2019 I guess I thought that if I was supermom, it would make the divorce easier for them. But I was exhausted, so that didn\u2019t last, and I\u2019m not sure they really even noticed! Once we were settled, we all relaxed into the new normal. The important thing is to be there for them in the way they need you, not to kill yourself making everything seamless.\u201d \u2014Tara, 47, New York City <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\t\t\t\t\t5<\/span><\/p>\n \t\tYour ex may piss you off in new and different ways. <\/span>\n\t<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ve all heard the stories about how the mothers did all the work and the dad zoomed in and out, basically only doing the fun stuff. Honestly, I didn\u2019t think I\u2019d care or mind. I was wrong. When I am struggling to figure out if we can swing Hulu Live or if we should stick with the basic Hulu with commercials, it doesn\u2019t feel great when he gets her the latest iPhone or takes her on an expensive vacation. But I think the kids understand more in the moment than we realize, especially as they get older. They get it.\u201d \u2014Michaela, 35, Austin<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\t\t\t\t\t6<\/span><\/p>\n \t\tDivorce can make you a better mom. <\/span>\n\t<\/p>\n \u201cMy ex and I had different styles of relating to the kids and moving through the world, and when we were together, to be respectful to him, I found myself holding my tongue when I didn\u2019t like how he was handling something. After we split up, I found my own voice and I became less reactive and more calm and measured in my approach to my kids. It made me a better mom when I could really listen to them without someone else\u2019s voice there. And I think it made them appreciate our differences.\u201d \u2014Stacey, 56, Chevy Chase, MD<\/p>\n RELATED:<\/strong> 40 Celebrities Get Real About Their Divorce<\/a><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\t\t\t\t\t7<\/span><\/p>\n \t\tYour friendships will change. <\/span>\n\t<\/p>\n \u201cSome people don\u2019t want to choose between divorcing partners. If they don\u2019t choose, they won\u2019t be close with either of you. Lean in to the people who choose you and build stronger friendships with them.\u201d \u2014Sarah, 43, Milwaukee, WI<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\t\t\t\t\t8<\/span><\/p>\n \t\tThe transitions are intense. <\/span>\n\t<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m lucky that my kids are with their dad half the time and that I don\u2019t have to worry about them when they\u2019re with him. But it can be really hard to be so involved in every little thing, like the test they\u2019re studying for or friend drama or whether they have all their stuff for a few days, and then … silence and an empty apartment. It\u2019s very all-or-nothing and sometimes I feel like a tornado blew through. It\u2019s lonely when they first leave, but also kind of a relief!\u201d \u2014Tara<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\t\t\t\t\t9<\/span><\/p>\n \t\tYou may need to fake it for a bit. <\/span>\n\t<\/p>\n<\/div>\n \n\t\t\t\t\t10<\/span><\/p>\n \t\tYou’re better at money than you think. <\/span>\n\t<\/p>\n \u201cI realized I was very capable of handling money, something my ex-husband always acted like I wasn\u2019t good at. I made good financial decisions regarding our son, contrary to his beliefs about me. It felt really good to see that and recognize it.\u201d \u2014Janie<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\t\t\t\t\t11<\/span><\/p>\n \t\tThere’s pressure to pair off again. <\/span>\n\t<\/p>\n \u201cIf you get involved with someone else, there is a ton of pressure to move that person in and get remarried, at least where I live. It puts extra pressure on you and your family and it can short circuit your healing process. Getting over a marriage ending is not linear\u2014I\u2019m five years out and a of the time I feel good, and then I see there\u2019s some other piece to deal with.\u201d \u2014Karen<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\t\t\t\t\t12<\/span><\/p>\n \t\tYou’ll be the odd woman out sometimes. <\/span>\n\t<\/p>\n \u201cYou may not always feel like you fit in at things like parent gatherings and get-togethers where it appears that the whole world has significant others. But it\u2019s OK to relish the fact that you now have freedom and that you\u2019re not bogged down by your marriage.” \u2014Sue<\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"http:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer-300x100.png\")
<\/a>