{"id":151670,"date":"2020-11-30T09:38:56","date_gmt":"2020-11-30T09:38:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=151670"},"modified":"2020-12-05T15:09:25","modified_gmt":"2020-12-05T15:09:25","slug":"coping-with-divorce-when-your-kids-are-with-your-ex-and-youre-home-alone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/coping-with-divorce-when-your-kids-are-with-your-ex-and-youre-home-alone\/","title":{"rendered":"Coping With Divorce: When Your Kids are With Your Ex and You\u2019re Home Alone"},"content":{"rendered":"


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If someone asked me what the hardest part of divorce<\/a> was at the beginning, right after my ex moved out, I would say it was the nights my kids were with their dad. I would go to bed and wake up in an eerily quiet house and I hated it so much. Coping with divorce in this regard isn\u2019t easy and it takes time.<\/p>\n

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I have a friend who is experiencing a new separation and is having a hard time coping with divorce. She called me crying the other day because her two little girls were at their dad\u2019s house from Friday night through Monday morning.<\/p>\n

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\u201cI have never been without them for this long,\u201d she cried. \u201cIt hurts so much.\u201d<\/p>\n

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I felt terrible for her and I was able to related 100%.<\/p>\n

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When I first got separated<\/a> and my kids went to their dad\u2019s, I started doing a couple of things. First, I started obsessively cleaning my house, and I\u2019m talking to the extent of scrubbing the floors on my knees. That stopped after a few weeks.<\/p>\n

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\"Leslie<\/a><\/p>\n

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I also began drinking wine a lot,<\/a> even when I was home alone. I would drink a couple glasses and then call my girlfriends and cry. It was awful, and I would tell anyone who is newly separated to be aware of how much you drink. Newly separated<\/a> people are susceptible to addictions (including alcohol) because they are trying to numb pain, anxiety and fear. Anyhow, it took a few months, but the drinking stopped, too.<\/p>\n

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As time went on, coping with divorce got easier. I started getting used to the kids not being at my house on certain nights. Actually, I don\u2019t think you ever really \u201cget used to it,\u201d but I started to be able to cope. Here are 6 pieces of advice for dealing with your kids sleeping at your ex\u2019s house:<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Don\u2019t think too much and stop the guilt<\/b><\/h2>\n

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It\u2019s easy for a newly separated person to start hating him or herself. \u201cI chose to get divorced and now I have to be without my kids. God is punishing me.<\/a> I\u2019m a horrible person. Who doesn\u2019t sleep in the same house with their young children every night?\u201d Those are some thoughts that were going through my head when I was recently separated, and I now see how ridiculous they are.<\/p>\n

You aren\u2019t being punished! You did what was best for everyone by splitting up. And, if the divorce wasn\u2019t your decision, you had no choice. Ask yourself this question. Would the kids be better off living in a household with two unhappy people whose marriage wasn\u2019t working, where there is no love, only fighting and anger and deceit and resentment? Every case is unique, but I have to believe in most cases, the kids are better off in 2 loving homes than in one unhappy one.<\/p>\n

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\"10<\/a><\/p>\n

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2.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Learn to enjoy the time alone<\/a>. <\/b><\/h2>\n

When your kids were babies, how many times did you wish you could run away and do something for yourself? Now you can! Do a yoga class, work on doing your job better, see friends, go to a movie, read good books, take a bath. Life is too short to spend ANY time sitting around being miserable. We are put on this earth to enjoy ourselves. Please don\u2019t waste precious time crying about something you have no control over.<\/p>\n

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<\/b>3.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Don\u2019t feel guilty about enjoying the time alone. <\/b><\/h2>\n

That\u2019s just unproductive. And I bet if you asked your kids, they would want you to enjoy your time. Plus, when they come back, you will be refreshed and excited to see the kids and you’ll have this twinkle of happiness and they will see it.<\/p>\n

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\u00a0<\/b>4.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Talk to your kids. <\/b><\/h2>\n

For years when my kids were little, they would ask, \u201cMom, what are you going to do while we’re at dad\u2019s?\u201d as if they are worried about leaving me home alone. I would answer them by rattling off a million things I had to do, or maybe friends I was seeing, which I think made them feel very relieved and happy. The burden isn\u2019t on the kids. <\/a>The worst thing you can do is show that unhappy face that lets your kids know you are sad that they are leaving. It\u2019s actually selfish to do that, in my opinion.<\/p>\n

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\"Vestor\"<\/a><\/p>\n

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<\/b>5.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Be flexible with your ex about schedule changes. <\/b><\/h2>\n

Let\u2019s say your ex has to go out of town and can\u2019t have your kids on his scheduled night. What do you do? Say, \u201ctough. Get a sitter?\u201d No! Say, \u201cNo problem, I will have them that night.\u201d Why? Because then, he or she will do the same for you when you need to make changes. And, if he or she doesn\u2019t reciprocate, who cares? What have you lost by taking the high road?<\/a> Nothing. You\u2019ve gained good karma and you did what was best for your kids. Trust me, helping each other out is so good for coping with divorce, and your relationship with your ex. More importantly, it\u2019s good for your kids.<\/p>\n

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\u00a0<\/b>6.\u00a0 \u00a0 E<\/b>njoy the time you have when your kids are home. <\/b><\/h2>\n

Think about parents who have long work hours, or people who travel a lot for their jobs. They are really in the same boat. You might have less time with your kids now, but you can make the time you have really fun, and enjoyable. So don\u2019t focus on the times you are home alone, focus on what you are going to do when your kids are with you.<\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t matter if it\u2019s a day in the city at 2 museums, stores and out for dinner, or if it\u2019s sitting in front of the fireplace watching iCarly. Looking at their little faces, scratching their backs, listening to their problems and enjoying every moment is what counts.<\/p>\n

Like this article? Check out, “20 Things I Wish I could have told my newly separated self.”<\/a><\/h2>\n

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\"Buy<\/a><\/p>\n

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The post Coping With Divorce: When Your Kids are With Your Ex and You’re Home Alone<\/a> appeared first on Divorce Blog | Divorce Support Blogs<\/a>.<\/p>\n


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