{"id":171012,"date":"2021-10-10T06:41:14","date_gmt":"2021-10-10T06:41:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=171012"},"modified":"2021-10-16T09:24:10","modified_gmt":"2021-10-16T09:24:10","slug":"a-look-at-affairs-when-both-parties-are-married","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/a-look-at-affairs-when-both-parties-are-married\/","title":{"rendered":"A Look At Affairs When Both Parties Are Married"},"content":{"rendered":"


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There are many different kinds of affairs. They include one-night stands, flings, emotional affairs, affairs that never go beyond some flirty texting and\/or talking, affairs where one person is married, and affairs when both parties are married.<\/p>\n

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The first thing I want to say is, having an affair does not make someone a horrible person. I have learned over the years not to judge without having all the facts. That said, having an affair, especially affairs when both parties are married always always hurts someone, and for that, I wish more people would take accountability if they decide to cheat.<\/a><\/p>\n

I can\u2019t count the number of people who have an affair and then don\u2019t have the self-awareness to say, \u201cHmm\u2026I hurt my spouse deeply and now I owe him or her an apology.\u201d Instead, they think, \u2018The marriage was over anyhow\u2019 or \u2018I didn\u2019t really think he or she would even care. He\/She never even looks at me anyhow\u2019 or the worst one, \u2018It just happened. What can I say?\u2019<\/p>\n

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\"Going<\/a><\/p>\n

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Say you\u2019re sorry! No matter how ugly the divorce<\/a> is, sit down and tell the spouse you cheated on that you are sorry you hurt them in that way. You don\u2019t have to say you are sorry you cheated (especially if you aren\u2019t) but imagine how much good you would do to just apologize for the pain, for the embarrassment, for turning your spouse\u2019s life upside down–even if there are feelings of resentment<\/a> for lots and lots of other things.<\/p>\n

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The idea for this article came from a guy who wrote to me that he got divorced<\/a> because he had an affair. The woman he had the affair with was also married and both couples have children<\/a>.<\/p>\n

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The guy wrote that his affair was exposed when the woman\u2019s husband found out. So, basically they got caught. He ended up getting divorced<\/a>\u2014I think both he and his wife wanted that, but the woman\u2019s husband begged her to try to work it out. Since then, she has gone back to the affair once– for a couple weeks and subsequently broke it off again. Now this guy wants to know if he should wait for her.<\/p>\n

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\"Vestor<\/a><\/p>\n

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Here are my thoughts. The woman’s husband found out about the affair initially. What that says to me is that the couple was not willing to come forward and end their marriages. Maybe not enough time had gone by and one or both weren\u2019t ready. Or, maybe they just weren\u2019t sure how to do it, or couldn\u2019t get up the nerve. Or maybe this woman never had an intention of getting divorced.<\/a><\/p>\n

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After the couple was caught, the guy and his wife proceeded with the divorce. To me, that means he wasn\u2019t happy in the marriage regardless of the affair.<\/p>\n

People who are happy in their marriages don\u2019t cheat. No matter what. They don\u2019t have to. They don\u2019t want to. Their needs are being met.<\/h2>\n

Not the case with this guy. And maybe not the case with his wife, either.<\/p>\n

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As far as the woman giving her marriage another try, that says a lot, too. She has now gone back to the husband twice. She has chosen the husband over the affair twice. So, she is really all over the place and desperately needs to figure out what she is doing. Therapy would be a good option for her.<\/a><\/p>\n

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\"How<\/a>
\nMy gut says that the woman\u2019s marriage will ultimately end, not necessarily for the guy she had the affair with (although that could happen) but because you don\u2019t walk away twice if you really want the marriage to work. Just my opinion.<\/p>\n

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As for the guy, I truly don\u2019t think he had the affair because he fell madly in love with this woman, but rather that he was lonely in some way and his needs were not being met in his marriage. He used the affair to try to get happy, when obviously something is making him unhappy.<\/p>\n

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I think this guy owes it to himself to really take some time to think and not really focus on whether or not the woman comes back. He needs to let her figure out her life and what she really wants and time has to go by for both of them to do that. I know that isn\u2019t easy.<\/p>\n

But, I think he would be making a big mistake if he continues the affair. I think that it will only hurt him for two reasons: one because the woman is cheating still and won\u2019t leave the husband, but also he is contributing to the pain the husband had and will have more of once he finds out the cheating is going on again. The guy needs to take the attitude that he deserves more in a romantic relationship than a woman with a husband and kids who is going behind her family\u2019s back.<\/p>\n

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As I said at the beginning of this article, I don\u2019t think people who have affairs when both parties are married are bad people. Rather they are confused people who made a bad choice in handling a not-so-ideal marriage situation.<\/p>\n

People who have affairs\u00a0 when both parties are married are so wrapped up in the excitement, the energy, the sparks and the feeling of being so happy and fulfilled, that their mind is clouded. Often times, they are so in it, that they can’t see the hurt they are causing someone they promised to love forever or they rationalize that this is the best thing right now.<\/p>\n

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I can speak firsthand about being cheated on. Not in my marriage, but in a very serious long-term relationship several years ago. It is the worst feeling in the world. It makes you feel dirty \u2013not just because you think you might now have an STD, but just kind of gross to think that the guy who you get naked with and are so vulnerable with went behind your back and got naked and vulnerable with someone else.<\/p>\n

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