<\/p>\n
I think I can help you.<\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
Did you know that there are countless couples that end up getting divorced and they didn\u2019t truly want it? The sad thing is, they got divorced because they just didn\u2019t know what else to do.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re contemplating divorce right now,\u00a0 but deep down you still love your spouse, you are proud of the life you\u2019ve built together and the family you\u2019ve raised together, and you\u2019re wondering how to save a marriage that is falling apart, I have great news for you.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
You absolutely can save a marriage that feels like it\u2019s falling apart.<\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
Here are my five tips to not just saving your marriage, but to moving your relationship <\/a>in a positive direction and being authentically happy together.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n This is one of the most destructive things people do and they don\u2019t even realize it.\u00a0 It\u2019s understandable that you need to vent about\u00a0 your anger and criticisms of your partner, and people close to you will validate how you feel because they only hear your side and they think they are being supportive.\u00a0 \u201cWhat a jerk, I wouldn\u2019t put up with that, you have to tell him\u2026.blah blah blah\u201d. But complaining to others too much can hurt your marriage. How?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Nothing gets solved by venting and it only creates more negativity and\u00a0 more distance between you and your spouse. I\u2019m not saying you aren\u2019t allowed to vent. Venting is healthy, at times. But venting all the time and not taking any action is very unhealthy, both for you and for your marriage.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n I know it\u2019s not easy. No one is perfect. He isn\u2019t perfect and neither are you. But this issues you have in your marriage are the \u00a0result of what each of you are doing and have done over many years.\u00a0 It is never one person\u2019s fault. I am not condoning physical, verbal, sexual or financial abuse, or cheating. These things are wrong and unacceptable. That said, don\u2019t be afraid to look in the mirror and take accountability for certain things you might have done that could have played a role in your marriage breaking down. Relationship patterns and the negative cycles you\u2019ve been stuck in are the result of each of you reacting to the other in an unhelpful, unhealthy way.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The good news is, these negative cycles are nothing more than practiced patterns that can be changed.\u00a0 Yes, it takes work and effort, just as it does to change any habit, but it\u2019s entirely possible.\u00a0 When you focus on the pattern, NOT the person, it becomes easier and more motivating to work together to change things.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n If you\u2019ve been unhappy in your marriage for a long time, it\u2019s easy to see what you don\u2019t like and what you don\u2019t want. But, too often couples have no idea what they actually DO want.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n When I work with clients<\/a> the first thing they want to tell me is about all the things that are going wrong.\u00a0 They want to give me all the details of the past and tell me all the faults s their partner has and the ways he has mistreated them.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n And when I ask them what they want it to look like, they are stumped.\u00a0 They can\u2019t answer the question because they haven\u2019t actually thought about it.\u00a0 Not intentionally.\u00a0 When we are stuck\u00a0 in negative emotions for so long, our brains don\u2019t think about solutions or ideals. In other words, you forget what you need to be happy.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Yet this is the very thing that you need to identify if you want your life to be different.\u00a0 Without a vision or idea of what you want your marriage to look like, it will be hard to get there.\u00a0\u00a0 Imagine having a goal in which\u00a0 you want a better job.\u00a0 What does \u201cbetter\u201d mean?\u00a0 What does \u201cbetter\u201d look like?\u00a0 Does it mean a higher paying job? Does it mean a different career? Do you want to work in a different industry? Do you just not like your manager?\u00a0 How will you get a better job if you have no idea what that means to you?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n If you really truly want to make your marriage work you have to be all in on the decision. \u00a0A halfhearted commitment will yield halfhearted results.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Couples will sometimes secretly have one foot in and one foot out of the marriage. When things are going well, both feet are in.\u00a0 If their partner does something that frustrates them or something that is reminiscent of the past, then they go back to having one foot out.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n It\u2019s difficult to make progress when there is always the threat of separation or divorce looming in the background.\u00a0 I always recommend taking divorce off the table for at least 6 months while you are working on the marriage.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Doing the work to save your marriage doesn\u2019t happen in a straight line.\u00a0 It usually looks more like 2 steps forward 1 step back, one step forward, one step forward, 2 steps back.\u00a0 It is a process that takes time and will include making progress and dealing with setbacks. This might sound like a tedious and depressing process, but it truly isn\u2019t. There is so much learning going on, and there are some lovely moments that start taking place, and the goal is that more and more of those start to appear throughout the process. Yes, there could be tears and anger and frustration, but these negative emotions become less and less prevalent as the work continues.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n That means seeking professional help from either a licensed therapist or a marriage coach. Most importantly, make sure the person you\u2019re working with is trained and skilled in working with couples.\u00a0 Many well meaning, individual therapists work with couples not knowing that the skill set for couples is completely different than for individuals.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n As a former therapist, I made a decision to focus my practice solely on saving marriages that feel like they are falling apart. I\u2019ve worked with many couples who have been to therapy before working with me, and therapy (with an unskilled therapist) either made matters worse or they made no progress at all.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Make sure the therapist or coach has a process they can clearly articulate, that they will take you through to improve your marriage.\u00a0 Clear goals and assignments to work on between sessions.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n If after a few sessions you find that there is no clear path forward, you keep rehashing the fight of the week, then it may be time to seek out different support.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I am truly dedicated to helping couples not just save their marriage, but to create an entirely new partnership, and to get to a place of great communication, thoughtfulness, desire, and the healthy kind of love. Feel free to schedule a free consultation here.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Denise Fitzpatrick, LMHC, M.A. is a marriage and relationship coach for couples and individuals. With more than 20 years experience as a therapist\u201310 years specializing in marriage and relationship coaching, Denise is the founder and of My Marriage Works, which is dedicated to helping couples save their marriages and\/or have better marriages.<\/em><\/p>\n Whether it\u2019s couples and individual coaching, working with Denise will teach you how to get to the real issues, empower yourself, manage your reaction and understand your partner\u2019s perspective. Her goal is to transform your marriage into a thriving and healthy partnership. Learn more on her website.<\/a>\u00a0or\u00a0schedule a free consultation here.<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n The post How to Save a Marriage that is Falling Apart: 5 Tips<\/a> appeared first on Divorce Blog | Divorce Support Blogs<\/a>.<\/p>\n1. Stop complaining to family, friends and coworkers.<\/h2>\n
2. Stop blaming your spouse for everything.<\/h2>\n
3. Be clear about what you want.<\/h2>\n
4. Be committed.<\/h2>\n
5. Get support.<\/h2>\n
![\"Denise](\"https:\/\/c4v4s5x8.stackpathcdn.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/denise-fitzpatrick.jpg\")
<\/p>\nLike this article? Check out, “3 Kinds of Love in a Lasting Romantic Relationship”<\/a><\/h2>\n
![\"Denise](\"https:\/\/c4v4s5x8.stackpathcdn.com\/wp-content\/themes\/divorce-girl-smiling\/images\/denise-fitzpatrick-cta-coach-2.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer-300x100.png\")
<\/a>