{"id":201892,"date":"2023-03-21T21:53:30","date_gmt":"2023-03-21T21:53:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=201892"},"modified":"2024-06-14T12:08:18","modified_gmt":"2024-06-14T12:08:18","slug":"what-exactly-is-a-divorce-settlement-agreement","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/what-exactly-is-a-divorce-settlement-agreement\/","title":{"rendered":"What Exactly is a Divorce Settlement Agreement?"},"content":{"rendered":"


\n<\/p>\n

A woman going through a divorce<\/a> sent this email to me:\u00a0I was so excited that my soon-to-be-ex finally emailed me and said that he agreed to accept my settlement offer. We finally had a divorce settlement agreement! But the next day he emailed me back and said he changed his mind. He DIDN\u2019T agree. Can he do that?<\/em><\/p>\n

I wish I could say that once your spouse said, \u201cYes. I agree\u201d to a divorce settlement agreement, you actually HAD a firm agreement. The truth is, however, you didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

In Illinois, until you (or your lawyers) have written your divorce settlement agreement into a formal legal document AND both you and your spouse sign that document AND a judge enters that agreement in court in your divorce, the \u201cagreement\u201d you made isn\u2019t set in stone, and it can be changed.<\/p>\n

While that may seem wrong or unfair<\/a> \u2013 especially if you WANT your spouse\u2019s email agreement to be binding \u2013 that\u2019s generally the way it is. What\u2019s positive is that once you understand that principle, you can work with it.<\/p>\n

The Anatomy of a Divorce Settlement Agreement<\/strong><\/h2>\n

When two people are going through a divorce<\/a>, they usually focus on two things:<\/p>\n

1. Making the best financial and custody deal they can; and
\n2. Getting their spouse to agree to that deal.<\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

While those two steps are undeniably important, they\u2019re just the first two steps in getting a legally binding agreement. There are three more steps that follow those two. Those steps are:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

3. Write the agreement you made into a formal legal document,
\n4. Have both you and your spouse sign the legal agreement, and
\n5. Get that agreement entered in court.<\/h2>\n

Until all five steps are completed, the divorce settlement agreement you thought you made could potentially still change.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That means that just getting your spouse to agree to something isn\u2019t enough. Yet, that\u2019s exactly the point where most people stop.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

They believe they have a divorce settlement agreement, so they celebrate. Then, when their \u201cagreement\u201d falls apart, or their spouse changes his\/her mind, they get upset.<\/em><\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

An Agreement Isn\u2019t Always an Agreement<\/strong><\/h2>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Most divorce \u201cagreements\u201d fall apart in steps 3 or 4. That\u2019s because there\u2019s often a HUGE difference in what you think your agreement is, what your spouse thinks your agreement is, and what that agreement ultimately looks like on paper.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Here\u2019s a simple example.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s say that you and your spouse agree that you can keep the marital house\u00a0<\/a>after the divorce and that you will refinance the mortgage and take your spouse\u2019s name off it. That seems simple enough, right?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But what if you assumed that you would pay your spouse his\/her share of the equity in the home when you refinance, but your spouse thinks s\/he should be paid by getting a bigger share of the retirement accounts now? Do you still have an agreement?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

What if you\u2019re not sure you can refinance today and you want to give yourself two years to refinance \u2026 but your spouse wants you to refinance now. Do you have an agreement?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Or what if you and your spouse both agree that you can have two years to refinance,<\/a> but you want to divide the equity in the home as it exists today, and your spouse wants to divide the equity as of the date you refinance.\u00a0 Do you have an agreement?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The problem with \u201ccoming to an agreement\u201d is that, unless you agree on all the details that accompany that agreement, you might not really have an agreement at all.<\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

What\u2019s more, the details of what you THINK you\u2019re agreeing to might look very different than the agreement that the lawyers put on paper. It\u2019s not unusual for the written divorce settlement agreement to go back and forth between the lawyers for weeks (or months) until every little detail is ironed out.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

What\u2019s worse is that while your written agreement is going back and forth between the lawyers more times than a ping pong ball, your spouse can still change his\/her mind about whether s\/he wants to make that agreement in the first place!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So what do you do if getting your spouse to stick to an agreement is harder than pinning jello to the wall?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dealing With a Spouse Who Can\u2019t Make Up His\/Her Mind<\/strong><\/h2>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Few things are more infuriating and frustrating than dealing with a spouse who changes his\/her mind often. Every time you think you\u2019re making progress, the deal ends up changing. So you get exactly nowhere.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Without question, some spouses use this kind of tactic to wear you down or make you crazy. But most people back out of deals either because they\u2019re not sure about what they really want, or they\u2019re afraid they just made a bad deal. So they change their mind.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"Karen<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n