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I frequently meet with new clients <\/a>shortly after they or their spouse have revealed or discovered an affair in their marriage. Divorce after an affair is always a painful situation for everyone involved. Emotions run high. On one hand there is anger, hurt, and grief. On the other hand might be guilt, shame, and displaced anger. People feel insecure and confused \u00a0and are wondering what to do at this point.<\/p>\n Ever situation is unique. Maybe a spouse had an affair that is now over. Or, maybe the affair is still going on and the person is leaving because of the relationship. But one important aspect in every case is that it is important to address the feelings that come up in divorce after an affair. Failing or refusing to talk about the complex and deep emotions <\/a>can make the divorce more difficult, and can lead to physical and emotional issues.<\/p>\n It is important to note that New York law states that an affair gives the aggrieved spouse the right to get divorced . . . but not much other compensation. In other words, a spouse doesn\u2019t get punished monetarily or with anything having to do with custody as the result of having an affair. So, looking to the law to find a way to manage the feelings that arise in divorce after an affair can feel frustrating and unfair, <\/a>and can be destructive..<\/p>\n Some other states deal differently with adultery. In some states, a spouse who has been cheated on can be relieved of the obligation of spousal support regardless of other factors. In almost all US jurisdictions including New York , if a spouse uses marital assets to support an extra-marital relationship, those monies are often refunded to the other.<\/p>\n One thing I have noticed is that the people who deal most successfully with this situation are able to separate their actions from their emotions. In other words they are able to\u00a0act<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0in their own interests rather than\u00a0react<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0to the revealed the affair.<\/p>\n People who are able to think about where they want to go and what this event means to and for them before they do anything are best able to survive the impact financially and emotionally and help their children through a resulting separation or divorce. Some of the things that people do to successfully manage the impact of divorce after an affair are:<\/p>\nDealing with Divorce after an affair<\/h2>\n