{"id":217141,"date":"2023-10-25T13:53:10","date_gmt":"2023-10-25T13:53:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=217141"},"modified":"2024-07-26T11:52:30","modified_gmt":"2024-07-26T11:52:30","slug":"12-things-i-wish-i-knew-when-i-was-getting-divorced","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/12-things-i-wish-i-knew-when-i-was-getting-divorced\/","title":{"rendered":"12 Things I Wish I Knew When I was Getting Divorced"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I\u2019d walk around on the verge of tears all day long, every day. I felt really scared. I felt sad. I felt angry. I felt like a failure. I felt worried about my young children<\/a>. And, I felt very very alone.<\/a> I\u2019m referring to a time in my life several years ago, when I was first getting divorced. I didn\u2019t know one person who was going through a divorce<\/a> and I felt like had no one. No one to talk to, no one to listen, and no one who understood how I was feeling.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t want to talk to my married friends (which was every friend I had) and I had no family living near me. I felt like I was all alone and it was a horrible feeling. Looking back, that was my motivation for starting Divorced Girl Smiling<\/a>. I didn\u2019t want men and women getting divorced to feel like I did. I wanted to create an online place for people to go to get information and to feel connected, supported and less alone.<\/p>\n

For those getting divorced, here are 12 things I wish someone would have told me when I was getting divorced:<\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

1.\u00a0The day your soon-to-be ex moves out, you will feel surprisingly very relieved.<\/h2>\n

The sadness you thought you\u2019d feel will instead be such reprieve, that you will almost feel joy. Don\u2019t feel guilty about that. You\u2019ve been unhappy for so long, you deserve a break.<\/p>\n

\u00a02.\u00a0<\/b> When getting divorced, you might get attorney statements that will make you physically nauseous.<\/h2>\n

If you want to avoid that, don\u2019t let anger and resentment<\/a> take over. Instead, try to settle or mediate with your ex. I know you probably don\u2019t want to talk to the person right now, and there is so much anger and resentment present, but try to think of the divorce as a business deal.<\/p>\n

Put your pride aside and talk to him or her, no matter what happened. You can\u2019t undo what he or she did, or what you did and you can\u2019t change why you are getting divorced.You will save so much money if you think of the money you are trying to save for your children by getting divorced without a lengthy and expensive battle.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"Leslie<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

3. \u00a0You will not be alone forever.<\/h2>\n

It feels that way right now, especially if you are getting divorced because your spouse left you for someone else. Dating after divorce<\/a> can be wonderful, and you will FOR SURE meet someone at some point (if that\u2019s what you want). I\u2019ve never met a divorced person yet who hasn\u2019t fallen crazy in love. It just takes time.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"Joanne<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

4. \u00a0Your kids are probably going to cry a lot, feel sad, do strange things or misbehave.<\/h2>\n

Children whose parents are getting divorced<\/a> sometimes feel angry or sad or scared or guilty, (like it\u2019s their fault). Oftentimes, they don\u2019t know how to process it. Just talk to them. Always keep the lines of communication open. But don\u2019t try to reason with them. Just validate how they feel. Keep telling them that you understand how they feel that way. AND drill it in their heads that it\u2019s not their fault.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"Her<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/b>5.\u00a0 Your relationship with your ex will be like it was in your marriage.<\/h2>\n

If you fought a lot in marriage, you will fight a lot in divorce and after divorce. If he or she was passive aggressive in marriage, he or she will be the same in divorce and after. You will both do a lot of things, especially at the beginning of the divorce that will make each other angry. Half the time he isn\u2019t speaking to you, you won\u2019t even know why and vice versa. It is a frustrating relationship and all the things you couldn\u2019t stand about each other in marriage will be magnified in divorce. That\u2019s just the way it is. Accept it and don\u2019t try to change him or her. Ever.<\/p>\n

6. You\u2019re going to meet other divorced women and they are going to become some of the best friends you ever make in life.<\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"Tiffany<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

7. Your ex\u2019s family is either going to stop speaking to you completely, or they are going to be really mean to you.<\/h2>\n

It\u2019s a terrible feeling. You thought they were family and now they are acting either like strangers or like you are the enemy. Try to understand that your ex might have warned them not to talk to you (and they might be scared of him or her) or they are just being protective of your ex. It\u2019s very hard to handle. It\u2019s hurtful and sad. But don\u2019t forget that you have your own family and friends who are on YOUR side. Those are the people you know you can count on.<\/p>\n

8.\u00a0Your ex is going to have a serious girlfriend in 2 minutes. DO NOT be shocked.<\/h2>\n

You will cry. You will be angry and resentful. Why did he move on so quickly<\/a> and why does HE get to be happy? Focus on YOU, not him. He or she is just lonely. They didn\u2019t forget about your marriage or you, and they are still grieving the divorce. They are just numbing their pain with a new relationship.<\/p>\n

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