{"id":222,"date":"2017-02-04T13:46:50","date_gmt":"2017-02-04T13:46:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=222"},"modified":"2019-04-17T17:19:48","modified_gmt":"2019-04-17T17:19:48","slug":"did-i-do-the-right-thing-newly-separated-woman-offers-advice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/did-i-do-the-right-thing-newly-separated-woman-offers-advice\/","title":{"rendered":"Did I Do The Right Thing? Newly Separated Woman Offers Advice"},"content":{"rendered":"


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\u00a0<\/strong>\u201cDid I do the right thing?\u201d is probably a question that many newly separated men and women ask themselves. Even though in your heart you knew separating was the best thing, time starts to bring loneliness, emptiness and fear into the mix and it\u2019s easy to second guess yourself and wonder if your decision was the right one.<\/p>\n

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“Maybe it could work if we both\u2026Maybe we could try counseling again and make it work this time\u2026.Maybe if I changed\u2026Maybe if he changed\u2026Maybe he\u2019d be different if I went back\u2026I don\u2019t want to be alone!…I can\u2019t handle life on my own, it\u2019s just too scary<\/a>\u2026” These are just some of the thoughts that might go through someone’s head, trying to justify giving the marriage another chance. Many couples go back and forth one or twice or several times before either reconciling or more commonly, getting divorced.<\/p>\n

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\"Vestor<\/a><\/p>\n

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Readers often e-mail me asking \u201cShould I leave?\u201d \u00a0I never tell people what to do. I don\u2019t encourage separation and divorce, in fact I am a huge fan of marriage\u2014if you are with the right person and you are happy. That said, I don\u2019t discourage separating either. It\u2019s such a personal choice and one that no one can but you can make.<\/a><\/p>\n

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But when I received this comment from a newly separated reader, I found myself inspired because it\u2019s obvious she is really scared, but that she is facing her fear head on and has confidence and conviction that she did the right thing.<\/p>\n

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\"NicholeWaltz\"<\/a><\/p>\n

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I spilt up with my long-term partner of 13 years. I have tried to leave before but always got scared about how I would cope on my own. I can\u2019t remember the last I enjoyed sex or didn\u2019t feel enraged by his ways. I lost all attraction for him a long time ago . I don\u2019t love him but do care. We have children and it\u2019s hard on them but I cant live in this hole any more. I wish I would have done this years ago. If anyone is reading this and feels alone, scared and worried, just know you\u2019re not alone. There are loads of men and women with the same fears taking this brave step every day. I remind myself that when I want to go back, it isn\u2019t out of love, it\u2019s out of fear . Both he and I deserve more than that. I have explained this to him but it falls on deaf ears. This time no matter how scared I get and how alone I feel, I\u2019m seeing it through. It is in the darkest days we grow. I\u2019m in a dark place right now, but I know for certain that in a year or so my life will be on its way to being settled. I pray for strength every day, to not lose faith that I\u2019m doing the right thing. I want me. Maybe one day I will meet someone but really and honestly that\u2019s not a priority. Getting my life stable, healing and my children are. Be strong. You left for a reason. See it through. He is not the one because you questioned it. Remember that.<\/em><\/p>\n

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My favorite quotes from this:<\/p>\n

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I remind myself that when I want to go back, it isn\u2019t out of love, it\u2019s out of fear. <\/em><\/p>\n

You will know the difference. When I was going through my divorce 9 years ago, a friend of mine said, \u201cAre you scared?\u201d I replied, \u201cOf course.\u201d He said, \u201cBut isn\u2019t fear of the unknown better than going back to what you know?\u201d I never forgot that.<\/p>\n

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It is in the darkest days we grow. <\/em><\/p>\n

What\u2019s so hard about dark days is that you don\u2019t realize how much you are going to benefit from the experience later. \u201cA beaten dog is a wiser dog,\u201d says my 89 year-old dad. Remember that this will make you not only wiser, but also stronger, smarter, more grounded, more interesting and more self-assured.<\/p>\n

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Maybe one day I will meet someone but really and honestly that\u2019s not a priority. <\/em><\/p>\n

Great attitude! That\u2019s why I know she will meet someone. Her head is in the right place.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

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\"MJ<\/a><\/p>\n

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You left for a reason. See it through. He is not the one because you questioned it. <\/em><\/p>\n

This woman is telling you to trust your gut <\/a>and your heart. You made a decision, probably several times. You have probably felt this way for a long long time.<\/p>\n

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Again, I never want my readers to think I support leaving. What do I support? I support happiness and well-being of both partners (and their kids, of course). Whatever that means to you is what truly matters. I also support making the decision to separate or stay being based on what you really really see–beyond practicality or fear. Do you see the possibility of change? If you don\u2019t, then you know what your options are: stay with the same or leave. The question is, are you brave enough to pick the one that will lead to the most happiness and best well-being? Only you know the answer.<\/p>\n

Like this post? Check out my blog post, “Finding Happiness After Divorce Isn’t a Possibility, It’s A Probability”<\/a><\/p>\n

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\"SchusterCTA\"<\/a><\/p>\n

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\"call_to_action_smiling\"<\/a><\/p>\n

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\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

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