{"id":223610,"date":"2024-01-19T16:52:54","date_gmt":"2024-01-19T16:52:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=223610"},"modified":"2024-01-19T16:52:54","modified_gmt":"2024-01-19T16:52:54","slug":"how-to-get-over-a-divorce-stop-playing-the-victim","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/how-to-get-over-a-divorce-stop-playing-the-victim\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Get Over A Divorce: Stop Playing the Victim!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Want to know how to get over a divorce? I have some advice. When I was <a href=\"https:\/\/katzstefani.com\/our-attorneys\/daniel-r-stefani\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\">first getting divorced<\/a>, I was depressed. I was sad, I was scared, but <a title=\"How Do You Stop Being Angry about Divorce?\" href=\"https:\/\/www.divorcedgirlsmiling.com\/how-do-you-stop-being-angry-about-divorce\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">mostly I was angry.<\/a> \u2018Why did this happen to <i>me?\u2019 <\/i>and \u2018It\u2019s not fair\u2019 were constantly going through my mind. I felt like somehow I was terribly wronged. By everyone. Occasionally, I found myself with a \u201cWhoa is me\u2026 Feel sorry for me\u201d attitude. \u201cI\u2019m a single mom. Finances are tight\u2026I\u2019m alone\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>After some time went by, I started to realize something: focusing on being angry, bitter, sad, and wronged wasn\u2019t helping anything. In fact, it was hurting me. That mindset was holding me back from getting over the divorce. What I realized was, I was acting like a victim.<\/p>\n<p>The word victim means \u201csomebody hurt or killed or harmed or duped.\u201d So, according to that definition, is everyone who <a title=\"Catherine Becker Good, Massachusetts Divorce Attorney\" href=\"https:\/\/www.divorcedgirlsmiling.com\/catherine-becker-good-massachusetts-divorce-attorney\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">gets divorced <\/a>a victim? The answer, in my opinion is yes, you are a victim. You are hurt, you\u2019ve been harmed. You have been lied to or cheated on or treated badly or called names or dumped or ignored or humiliated or not respected.<\/p>\n<p>Because you are a victim, I think it\u2019s normal, healthy even, to grieve, feel angry, and feel sorry for yourself FOR A LITTLE WHILE. But if you truly want to know how to get over a divorce, playing the victim needs to stop. There comes a time when you pick yourself up off the floor, dust yourself off and start your new life with a completely different mindset.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a id=\"ad-article-tuchman\" class=\"ad-article adclick\" href=\"https:\/\/kkmtlegal.com\/jason-c-tuchman\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full lazy\" style=\"max-width: 280px;\" src=\"https:\/\/dgs-1def7.kxcdn.com\/wp-content\/themes\/divorce-girl-smiling\/images\/tuchman-cta.jpg\" alt=\"Divorce Attorney Jason C. Tuchman\" width=\"280\" height=\"280\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.podbean.com\/player-v2\/?from=embed&amp;i=fpyjt-1249b0e-pb&amp;square=1&amp;share=1&amp;download=1&amp;fonts=Arial&amp;skin=1&amp;font-color=auto&amp;rtl=0&amp;logo_link=episode_page&amp;btn-skin=7&amp;size=300\" width=\"100%\" height=\"300\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m not trying to make getting over a divorce sound simple or easy. It\u2019s not. But, you have two choices:<\/p>\n<h2>One, play the victim and blame everyone else for the rest of your life, or two, brush victimhood to the side, go out and grab the life you want.<\/h2>\n<p>I recently got an email from a reader with three young children whose husband left her for another woman.<\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cI just put my house on the market and I can\u2019t pay my bills,\u201d she wrote. \u201cI\u2019m really scared. I hate that man so much, I wish he was dead! I can\u2019t believe he did this to me. Because of him I haven\u2019t worked in 10 years, and now I can\u2019t find a job. No one wants to hire me. I hope he and his new wife burn in hell.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>I wrote the woman back, telling her I was really sorry about her situation. I then asked her what field she was in before she stopped working.<\/p>\n<p>She wrote back, <em>\u201cI was a financial advisor and was really successful. I quit because the fucker wanted me to be a stay at home mom. I gave up everything for him.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a id=\"ad-article-healing\" class=\"ad-article adclick\" href=\"https:\/\/www.humanintimacy.com\/course\/the-essentials-to-healing-after-divorce\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full lazy\" style=\"max-width: 280px;\" src=\"https:\/\/dgs-1def7.kxcdn.com\/wp-content\/themes\/divorce-girl-smiling\/images\/healing-cta.jpg\" alt=\"The Essentials to Healing After Divorce - Mini Course\" width=\"280\" height=\"280\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I wrote her back and said, \u201cIt must be very frustrating and I feel terrible for you. That said, let me help you. It sounds like you need a job. Tell me more specifically what you\u2019d like to do, and I will connect you with some people in the industry. I have over 1000 Linkedin contacts and I can put out some feelers for you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Do you know what her response was? Not, \u201cThank you so much! I would like to get back into the industry\u2026.\u201d Or \u201cLet me get my resume together and I\u2019ll be in touch.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Instead, she wrote back, <em>\u201cDo you know he has over a million dollars in his savings account? He\u2019s living in this huge house, enjoying a great life, and supporting the woman\u2019s son, while I can\u2019t even pay my mortgage!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>She never even acknowledged my offer. In other words, discussing <a title=\"8 Job Searching Tips for Moms Going Back to Work After Divorce\" href=\"https:\/\/www.divorcedgirlsmiling.com\/8-job-searching-tips-for-moms-going-back-to-work-after-divorce\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">going back to work<\/a>\u00a0and supporting herself \u00a0wasn\u2019t as important to her as continuing to express blame and her hatred for him. Clearly, she is still in victim mode.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a id=\"ad-article-lagiglia\" class=\"ad-article adclick\" href=\"https:\/\/connect.myoakleaf.com\/philipl\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full lazy\" style=\"max-width: 280px;\" src=\"https:\/\/dgs-1def7.kxcdn.com\/wp-content\/themes\/divorce-girl-smiling\/images\/lagiglia-cta.jpg\" alt=\"Phil LaGiglia, Oak Leaf Mortgage\" width=\"280\" height=\"280\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>The woman is clearly not ready to see how to get over a divorce by ceasing to playing the victim. I wish I could put a magic spell on her so she would say, \u201cOkay, what happened to me is <a title=\"The Brutal Pain Of Divorce And 7 Reasons You Will End Up Happy\" href=\"https:\/\/www.divorcedgirlsmiling.com\/the-brutal-pain-of-divorce-and-7-reasons-you-will-end-up-happy\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">painful and awful and heartbreaking<\/a>, and it wasn\u2019t fair at all, but now it\u2019s time to take action. I have three healthy children who love me, I\u2019m a great person, I \u00a0have the ability to be successful professionally, and if I have the guts to put myself out there, my opportunities are endless, both professionally and personally.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m not saying that is easy, or that that happens a week after someone leaves you. But if you want to be happy, and you want to get over the divorce, it has to happen at some point.<\/p>\n<p>This woman\u2019s sole focus is on her ex-husband (who don\u2019t get me wrong, I would love to punch in the face) but she\u2019s all about wanting people to feel sorry for her and hate her ex-husband when she could be getting herself together and making plans for her future. She doesn\u2019t realize that when she stops acting like a victim, doors will open up.<\/p>\n<p>I want to add that I know how hard it is, not only to figure out a career that works with kids, but to get in the door of any company after not working for a long stretch of time. I have been there. Before I got my job, I had so many rejection emails I couldn\u2019t even count them all. It\u2019s hard, but you have to be persistent and strong and display perseverance. That\u2019s just the way it is. It\u2019s always been that way.<\/p>\n<h2>Here\u2019s the scariest part about playing the victim:<\/h2>\n<p>People who don\u2019t get out of that mindset end up miserable for the rest of their lives, and never truly get over the divorce. Not playing the victim is the difference between a hard, unfulfilling life and a life of peace and joy. I swear by that.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a id=\"ad-article-vestor-2\" class=\"ad-article adclick\" href=\"https:\/\/vestorcapital.com\/elainemoss\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/dgs-1def7.kxcdn.com\/wp-content\/themes\/divorce-girl-smiling\/images\/vestor-2022.jpg\" alt=\"Vestor Capital\" width=\"275\" height=\"275\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I know a woman who has played the victim for 45 years. She is still blaming her ex-husband for everything in her life that isn\u2019t going well (which is everything.) She never got over the hatred, the bitterness and blaming her ex husband for leaving her, so she made bad choices. Her victim mentality was stronger than her self love, and therefore she could never prosper professionally or in <a title=\"Relationship Advice: 25 Lies People Tell in Relationships\" href=\"https:\/\/www.divorcedgirlsmiling.com\/relationship-advice-25-lies-people-tell-in-relationships\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">personal relationships.<\/a><\/p>\n<p>I think it\u2019s understandable to play the victim for a little while. But at some point, it not only becomes unproductive, but it will destroy you, and it will ruin you (and the kids.)<\/p>\n<p>The opposite of \u201cvictim\u201d is \u201ccriminal\u201d or \u201cculprit\u201d so I don\u2019t want to tell people to be the opposite of a victim. But, in a sense, yes, be the opposite. Be the culprit (which technically means \u201cthe accused person.\u201d) Be accused of pursuing your dreams, finding things you love to do, having as much fun with your children as you possibly can.<\/p>\n<p>Be accused of going out on dates, traveling too much, smiling excessively and finding love again. You\u2019re only a victim until you decide you\u2019re not one anymore. That is how to get over a divorce.<\/p>\n<h2>Like this article? Check out, <a title=\"How Do You Stop Being Angry about Divorce?\" href=\"https:\/\/www.divorcedgirlsmiling.com\/how-do-you-stop-being-angry-about-divorce\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u201cHow to Stop Being Angry about Divorce\u201d<\/a><\/h2>\n<p>The post <a href=\"https:\/\/www.divorcedgirlsmiling.com\/how-to-get-over-a-divorce-stop-playing-the-victim\/\">How to Get Over A Divorce: Stop Playing the Victim!<\/a> appeared first on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.divorcedgirlsmiling.com\">Divorce Blog | Divorce Support Blogs<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.divorcedgirlsmiling.com\/how-to-get-over-a-divorce-stop-playing-the-victim\/\">Source link <\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/contact-us\/\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-14\" src=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer-300x100.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer-300x100.png 300w, https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer-150x50.png 150w, https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer.png 600w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><center><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: 0;\" src=\"https:\/\/www.google.com\/maps\/embed?pb=!1m18!1m12!1m3!1d2476.5079014266626!2d-0.17814168422544607!3d51.6322229796558!2m3!1f0!2f0!3f0!3m2!1i1024!2i768!4f13.1!3m3!1m2!1s0x0%3A0xa69992b831f15d4a!2sDominic+Levent+Solicitors!5e0!3m2!1sen!2suk!4v1529480690358\" width=\"600\" height=\"450\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/center>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><center><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: 0px #ffffff none;\" src=\"https:\/\/calendar.google.com\/calendar\/embed?src=sc635csnrm8h9s9lq0cad6vkss@group.calendar.google.com\" name=\"myiFrame\" width=\"600px\" height=\"3px\" frameborder=\"1\" marginwidth=\"0px\" marginheight=\"0px\" scrolling=\"no\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/center>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><center><\/center><\/p>\n<div>\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.dominiclevent.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/Business_Solicitors_London.jpg\" width=\"600\" \/><\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<div>Dominic Levent Solicitors<\/div>\n<div>Email: Enquiries@dominiclevent.com<\/div>\n<div>Phone: 020 8347 6640<\/div>\n<div>Url: https:\/\/www.dominiclevent.com<\/div>\n<div style=\"display: none;\">cash, check, credit card, invoice<\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>\n<div>1345 High Rd<\/div>\n<div>London, London N20 9HR<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Want to know how to get over a divorce? I have some advice. When I was first getting divorced, I was depressed. I was sad, I was scared, but mostly I was angry. \u2018Why did this happen to me?\u2019 and \u2018It\u2019s not fair\u2019 were constantly going through my mind. I felt like somehow I was &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/how-to-get-over-a-divorce-stop-playing-the-victim\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;How to Get Over A Divorce: Stop Playing the Victim!&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":223611,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-223610","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news1","entry"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Get Over A Divorce: Stop Playing the Victim! - Dominic Levent Solicitors Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/how-to-get-over-a-divorce-stop-playing-the-victim\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Get Over A Divorce: Stop Playing the Victim! - Dominic Levent Solicitors Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Want to know how to get over a divorce? I have some advice. When I was first getting divorced, I was depressed. I was sad, I was scared, but mostly I was angry. \u2018Why did this happen to me?\u2019 and \u2018It\u2019s not fair\u2019 were constantly going through my mind. 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I have some advice. When I was first getting divorced, I was depressed. I was sad, I was scared, but mostly I was angry. \u2018Why did this happen to me?\u2019 and \u2018It\u2019s not fair\u2019 were constantly going through my mind. 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