{"id":228935,"date":"2024-04-12T16:09:41","date_gmt":"2024-04-12T16:09:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=228935"},"modified":"2024-04-12T16:10:02","modified_gmt":"2024-04-12T16:10:02","slug":"20-lies-we-tell-ourselves-when-it-comes-to-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/20-lies-we-tell-ourselves-when-it-comes-to-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"20 Lies We Tell Ourselves When It Comes To Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Everyone copes with divorce<\/a> in a unique way. We make good choices and bad choices or some of both, but sometimes we do something that really isn\u2019t good or bad: we lie to ourselves. Lies we tell ourselves provide a temporary soothing solution to our broken hearts,<\/a> they justify our decisions, or they make us feel less anxious about things.<\/p>\n

Here are 20 lies we tell ourselves in divorce and my reply to each:<\/b><\/h2>\n

\u00a0<\/b>1.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>I couldn’t care less what happens to my ex. <\/b><\/h2>\n

Ask yourself if that\u2019s really true. Isn\u2019t there a part of you who will always care about your ex? As time goes by, (and I can say this since I\u2019ve been divorced for a really long time) your ex actually begins to feel like family. In other words, you realize that even in your angriest days, you cared, which is why you were so angry,<\/a> and you always cared. You never stopped. That doesn\u2019t mean you wanted to or want to get back together, or that you forgive what he or she did. It just means you care, like you would another relative.<\/p>\n

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\"MJ<\/a><\/p>\n

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2.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>I hate when I\u2019m not with my kids. <\/b><\/h2>\n

I would say this is true at the beginning of a divorce,<\/a> when you aren\u2019t used to being home alone without the kids. But after awhile, don\u2019t feel guilty if you enjoy the break from the kids! Being alone offers reprieve from stress. Doing nice things for yourself and having some life enjoyment that doesn\u2019t involve your kids makes you a happier, better parent.<\/p>\n

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3.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>I don\u2019t want to meet anyone and I\u2019m never getting married again. <\/b><\/h2>\n

Maybe not right this minute, but eventually you will want to meet someone, and yes, you might get married again. You\u2019re saying this to protect yourself because you are afraid of dating after divorce<\/a> and fear you might never meet anyone. I\u2019m not saying you aren\u2019t independent or that you are not capable of staying single, but if you got married once before, chances are you enjoy marriage\u2013if it\u2019s with the right person.<\/p>\n

4.\u00a0 \u00a0I had the best life when I was married.<\/b><\/b><\/h2>\n

We tend to remember things like we wish they would have been. So, when I hear people say \u201cI had the best life when I was married,\u201d I realize that this is them remembering what was good, what worked, what was easy, and not thinking about all the things that really weren\u2019t working, what was really bad because it\u2019s just too painful to think of the bad stuff.<\/p>\n

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\"The<\/a><\/p>\n

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5.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>When I was married, I was really miserable. <\/b><\/h2>\n

Yes, but there were times when you were really happy, too! It\u2019s great to remember some of the happy times and to have gratitude for them. It wasn\u2019t all bad, was it?<\/p>\n

6.\u00a0 \u00a0 People know the divorce wasn\u2019t my fault.<\/b><\/h2>\n

It doesn\u2019t matter what others think, and in time, it won\u2019t really matter whose fault it was. Chances are, the marriage ending was a combination of your and his\/her fault. In time, just try to learn from your mistakes, so that you are a better partner in your next relationship.<\/p>\n

7.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>My attorney really hates my ex. <\/b><\/h2>\n

I hate to tell you this, but your attorney has to say that because you are paying him or her. Plus, it doesn\u2019t matter.<\/p>\n

8.\u00a0 \u00a0 I have no interest in looking at my ex\u2019s social media.<\/b><\/h2>\n

Everyone is curious when it comes to their ex. It\u2019s OK! That\u2019s only natural. Just don\u2019t become a stalker or spend too much time on it, because it\u2019s sort of a no-win situation. If you see your ex with another woman, ask yourself if you will be upset. If you see him in a photo looking good and\/or looking like he\u2019s having fun, will that bother you? Of course it will. If you see your ex with a mutual friend who you thought was taking your side, will that upset you? Of course it will. So, what good comes from looking at his social media? NONE! But, if you do, that doesn\u2019t make you a bad person. My advice is: love yourself enough to stay away from it.<\/p>\n

9.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>I hate dating. <\/b><\/h2>\n

I think everyone has a love\/hate relationship with date. Everyone hates bad dates, but good dates<\/a> make dating really, really fun!<\/p>\n

10. Sex with my ex was awful.<\/b><\/h2>\n

Hmm\u2026I guess this one depends on the situation. If he\/she abused you, or if he\/she cheated on you, or if he\/she was mean, then yes, it probably is. If he or she is the slightest bit nice to you, you might have moments when you remember how cute he or she was, so to think about sex probably isn\u2019t repulsive. Also, if you think about the sex with your ex, that doesn\u2019t mean you want to get back together with the person. You might just miss him\/her. That\u2019s normal!<\/b><\/p>\n

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\"Bridging<\/a><\/p>\n

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