{"id":239456,"date":"2024-09-20T16:42:06","date_gmt":"2024-09-20T16:42:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=239456"},"modified":"2025-03-17T13:34:25","modified_gmt":"2025-03-17T13:34:25","slug":"money-and-divorce-4-words-you-should-never-say-again","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/money-and-divorce-4-words-you-should-never-say-again\/","title":{"rendered":"Money and Divorce: 4 Words You Should Never Say Again"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

When it comes to money and divorce, I\u2019ll say this: a divorce costs money. A lot of money. Not just for the divorce process itself, but now you\u2019re talking two homes, two sets of bills for everything, two sets of everything for everything! Because expenses basically double, and because there\u2019s so much stress and insecurity around money and divorce, people of all economic brackets during and after divorce<\/a> tend to say these four AWFUL words that I wouldn\u2019t wish on anyone:<\/p>\n

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I CAN\u2019T AFFORD IT.<\/h2>\n

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If you\u2019re reading this and nodding your head, thinking, \u2018Yes, I say this a lot more than I used to,\u2019 I understand. I was there. Am there. But I want to tell you something that might make you feel better: you\u2019re not alone. No one can afford it. No one can afford it whether they\u2019re married, single, widowed or divorced, and no matter how little or how much money a person has.<\/p>\n

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No one can afford it because affording something is most oftentimes a choice.<\/h2>\n

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A personal situation spawned this article. So, I haven\u2019t been out of the country since I was 21 years old. One exception, last winter I went on a cruise with my mom and her two cousins and we stopped in the Bahamas, Puerto Rico and the Dominican Republic, each for a few hours. My mom paid for the trip. But the reason I\u2019ve never traveled abroad is because one, I was a single mom and never wanted to be that far away from my kids, and two, I would always say, \u201cI can\u2019t afford it.\u201d<\/p>\n

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I\u2019m not sure what possessed me to do what I\u2019m about to do, but I am headed to a remote Greek Island in about a month for a 10 day retreat with a group of women. <\/a>I committed to the trip as if I was on autopilot. Something just seemed very right and I felt compelled to go. Guess what? I can\u2019t afford it. That was my first instinct when I found out how much it costs. But I\u2019m going. I found the money somehow because I chose to afford it.<\/p>\n

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\"We're<\/a><\/p>\n

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Before I continue about why you should never again say the words, \u201cI can\u2019t afford it,\u201d I want to be clear and talk about when you most likely can\u2019t afford something like an expensive trip:<\/p>\n

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1. If you cannot pay your mortgage or rent.
\n2. If you don\u2019t have enough food.
\n3. If you are struggling to pay bills.
\n4. If you are forgoing health care because you can\u2019t afford it.
\n5. If you don\u2019t have enough to support your kids.<\/p>\n

I am someone who has lived in many financial brackets. I\u2019ve been wealthy, where I didn\u2019t really look at price tags, I\u2019ve been close to having to ask my family for money because I was running out of money (that was right before I went back to work full time),<\/a> I\u2019ve been comfortable, cautious, frugal, spend-thrifty, penny-wise, and more! I have to say, in all of those situations, I\u2019ve said the words \u201cI can\u2019t afford it,\u201d and wish I wouldn\u2019t have in many cases.<\/p>\n

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\"Intentional<\/a><\/p>\n

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First things first. Just because yougot divorced<\/a>, and you had to spend a ton of money on lawyers and now your living expenses have basically doubled, it doesn\u2019t mean that you aren\u2019t allowed to enjoy life, which could mean: buying yourself things, traveling, etc.<\/p>\n

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If you feel guilty about it, don\u2019t. Guilt is a total waste of an emotion, it\u2019s unproductive, and all it does is cause stress and self-loathing. Now, am I saying that you can shop at Nieman\u2019s every week and buy $2000 dresses and shoes? No. Am I saying you should plan a trip to the Amalfi Coast because you\u2019re bored? No.<\/p>\n

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But, if you are wise enough to take my advice, which is: meet with a financial advisor<\/a> to work on a budget with you, to help you plan for your future, and to help you become empowered about your finances, then I guarantee you will not be saying those awful words, \u201cI can\u2019t afford it\u201d any longer.<\/p>\n

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I would highly recommend the DGS trusted professionals who are financial advisors:<\/h2>\n

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1. Elaine Moss and Peter Mullins.
\n2. <\/a>Joanne Litman.
\n3. <\/a>Amanda Campbell.
\n4. <\/a>Craig Richman.<\/a><\/p>\n

I\u2019m not a financial advisor, but I do have a few tips to help you stop saying \u201cI can\u2019t afford it\u201d and have a happier, healthier mindset when it comes to money.<\/p>\n

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1. Stop feeling guilty.<\/h2>\n

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Not only should you not feel guilty because you are divorced, but on the flipside, you should feel like you deserve to spend money on yourself because you are divorced. The life of a divorced person is hard, especially at the beginning. Buying something you want or spending money on a trip is meant to bring you joy. You deserve joy! Give yourself a break!<\/p>\n

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\"College<\/a><\/p>\n

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2. Ask yourself if you really want it, why you want it, and what it means to you, and wait a few days before making the decision.<\/h2>\n

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I have this policy that has worked for me for years. If I see something I want, whether that\u2019s jewelry or clothing or furniture, I always sleep on it. Forget the salesperson\u2019s pressure. Sleep on it. If I wake up the next day and I feel sick that I didn\u2019t buy it, I ether go back (or call back and order it.) Same thing with business decisions. For the Greece trip, I waited about a week, and during those 7 days, I seriously couldn\u2019t concentrate on anything but signing up.<\/p>\n

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3. If you want something big\u2014a second home, a boat, an extravagant vacation, plastic surgery, talk to your financial advisor and ask if you can afford it.<\/h2>\n

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I cannot count the number of times I have called Pete and Elaine and asked them, \u201cCan I afford this?\u201d This included me moving out of my house after 17 years to buy something a little nicer. I also had conversations with them about buying a life insurance policy, sending my two kids to college, and more. Your financial advisor will go through all of your accounts-not just the ones they manage, and you will have a conversation about it. Then they will revise your plan taking that money out of it and you can see how it will affect your future.<\/p>\n

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4. Reward yourself.<\/h2>\n

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You work hard! Whether that\u2019s at a job, or your business, or as a stay-at-home mom, or all three!! If you reward yourself with something you really want, it will motivate you to keep working hard. You will be happier and have gratitude for the thing you bought. I so often talk about the importance of non-material things in life in my articles, and I still feel that way, but material things are here for us to enjoy, too! You deserve them if you want them.<\/p>\n

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5. Be creative about where to find money for something you really want.<\/h2>\n

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The best example I can give is let\u2019s say your money is all tied up. You\u2019re not liquid, and you need money for a vacation or for a facelift or for your child\u2019s Bar or Bat Mitzvah. Make sure you share with your financial advisor all the accounts you have-not just the ones they manage. This can include life insurance policies, your mortgage, other loans, and more. You would be surprised at how shifting some things around can change \u201cI can\u2019t afford it\u201d to cash.<\/p>\n

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