{"id":240902,"date":"2024-10-09T12:21:32","date_gmt":"2024-10-09T12:21:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=240902"},"modified":"2025-10-21T08:46:50","modified_gmt":"2025-10-21T08:46:50","slug":"when-a-child-is-taking-sides-in-the-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/when-a-child-is-taking-sides-in-the-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"When a Child is Taking Sides in the Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

When parents are getting divorced<\/a>, the children or even just one child may start taking sides with one or the other, even if you\u2019ve tried to keep them out of it. So, what do you do when a child is taking sides in a divorce, and even worse, when\u00a0 your ex is doing nothing to heal the breach\u2013and maybe even encouraging it?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a tough situation. Children should not be drawn into the adult issues of divorce or be encouraged to take sides. Mental health experts say that children in such situations can suffer long-lasting psychological damage, including increased anxiety and depression and poorer academic performance. The less conflict the kids experience during and after the divorce, the more likely they are to move happily forward with their lives and develop healthy, loving relationships.<\/p>\n

Your ex should support you in ensuring that the kids maintain a positive relationship with both parents and avoid deepening any division. But if your ex is angry and hostile <\/a>and refuses to address the issue or insists that there\u2019s no problem, you\u2019ll have to take matters into your own hands as best you can.<\/p>\n

Tips for when a child is taking sides in the divorce<\/h2>\n

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<\/span>Control Your Emotions<\/strong><\/h2>\n

The most important thing you can do to heal the rift in your family is to stay in control of your emotions. Even if a child is pushing your buttons, accusing you of ruining the marriage, don\u2019t react defensively and start firing off all the ways your spouse contributed to the end of the marriage.<\/p>\n

Kids should not be put in the middle of the divorce or made to carry their parent\u2019s emotional weight. Ultimately, they\u2019ll remember which parent made them feel this burden the most. If your ex\u00a0is<\/em>\u00a0pressuring them to take sides, they\u2019ll eventually begin to resent it, especially if your home offers peace and no pressure.<\/p>\n

<\/span>Listen to Your Children<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Children of divorce need a safe emotional space to vent their feelings and opinions. Take the time to listen to each child\u2019s viewpoint with empathy, your full attention, and without judging, criticizing, or even offering solutions.\u00a0Children want to be heard and understood, so take care to use language that validates their feelings.<\/p>\n

For example, you might say: \u201cI can understand why you feel that way\u2026\u201d or \u201cThat must be very difficult\u2026.\u201d You can also offer non-verbal reassurance\u2013hugs or a squeeze of the hand\u2013to show that you care and understand. Above all else, compartmentalize your feelings, even if what you\u2019re hearing is painful.<\/p>\n

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\"Miller<\/a><\/p>\n

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<\/span>Don\u2019t Be Too Quick to Blame Your Ex for the Kids\u2019 Issues<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Remember that children may naturally align with one parent or the other without any encouragement from the other parent, so don\u2019t assume that your ex is necessarily pushing a particular agenda. Sometimes kids might align with a parent whom they believe was wronged by the other parent, such as in cases of infidelity.<\/p>\n

In addition, keep in mind that\u00a0sibling rivalry often increases after divorce because each child feels that they have to compete for more of their parents\u2019 attention. Your children might be taking sides because they\u2019re seeking attention from \u201ctheir\u201d parent. If you believe sibling rivalry could be at the root of the difficulties\u2013or even if you don\u2019t\u2013try to carve out equal amounts of quality time for each of your kids and reassure them of your love for them.<\/p>\n

But even if your ex is responsible for the behavior, avoid blaming the ex in front of the kids. Placing blame can backfire badly. Trust that eventually your kids will wise up to their parent\u2019s unhealthy antics. That said, if you believe your co-parent is trying to alienate the children<\/a>\u00a0from you, speak to your lawyer <\/a>immediately.<\/p>\n

<\/span>Help Siblings to Work Through Conflict<\/strong><\/h2>\n

If your children\u2019s disagreements about the divorce are serious, you\u2019ll need to help them work through their conflict. Help them to express their feelings without resorting to insults and to empathize with the feelings of their siblings, even if they don\u2019t agree.<\/p>\n

<\/span>Be Patient<\/strong><\/h2>\n

It\u2019s going to take some time for your children to settle into their new life. Don\u2019t be surprised if things are rocky for a while as they figure out their feelings. Just hang in there and continue to be the most supportive, loving parent that you can be.<\/p>\n

\"Katherine
Divorce Attorney, Founder, The Miller Law Group<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

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Katherine E. Miller is a\u00a0Divorce Attorney,<\/a>\u00a0who is also a certified mediator and a trained collaborative divorce professional. In practice for over 30 years and personally divorced, Miller is the founder of the Miller Law Group, all women\u2019s boutique law firm with seven divorce professionals. Miller is also the Director at the\u00a0Center for Understanding in Conflict,\u00a0<\/a>the organization that teaches mediation, collaborative law and other conflict resolution skills, and she hosts the podcast and radio show,\u00a0\u201cDivorce Dialogues.<\/a>\u201d Additionally, Miller is the former president of the\u00a0New York Association of Collaborative Professionals.<\/a>\u00a0She is a graduate of Vassar College and\u00a0Fordham University school of Law<\/a>. Learn more:\u00a0Miller-law.com.<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

Like this article? Check out: Divorce after 30 years of Marriage or More<\/a><\/h2>\n

The post When a Child is Taking Sides in the Divorce<\/a> appeared first on Divorce Blog | Divorce Support Blogs<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n

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