{"id":244085,"date":"2024-11-21T15:02:34","date_gmt":"2024-11-21T15:02:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=244085"},"modified":"2025-12-23T09:16:59","modified_gmt":"2025-12-23T09:16:59","slug":"tips-to-the-divorce-strategy-where-everyone-wins","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/tips-to-the-divorce-strategy-where-everyone-wins\/","title":{"rendered":"Tips For A Divorce Strategy Where Everyone Wins"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u201cI\u2019m getting divorced\u2014I need an aggressive divorce attorney.\u201d <\/em>\u201cFirst thing to do is make sure you have a strong divorce lawyer to fight them.\u201d <\/em>\u201cI\u2019ve been through a divorce; don\u2019t let them mess things up any further. Lawyer up!\u201d <\/em>Does any of this sound familiar? They\u2019re common types of responses I see on social media and online forums when someone announces their marriage is ending <\/a>and seeks guidance on a divorce strategy.<\/p>\n

This kind of advice and divorce strategy often leans toward an aggressive, win-at-all-costs approach, steeped in stories about what disaster can result if you\u2019re not combative enough. But while understandable in the face of everything going on, this prevalent approach may not always be the most beneficial \u2013 let alone healthiest \u2013 path to take.<\/p>\n

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A Win-Lose Divorce Strategy Isn\u2019t the Only Way to Go<\/strong><\/h2>\n

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As a family mediator<\/a> who helps divorcing couples and parents navigate divorce and their co-parenting afterward, I notice a common theme: the default tends towards the adversarial. It\u2019s you against them\u2014a race to win or at least not to lose.<\/p>\n

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Divorce is a whirlwind of powerful emotions\u2014anger, frustration, anxiety,<\/a> sadness, fear, and grief. The process, and the transitions involved, can seem overwhelming, and these feelings are a testament to that. Acknowledging these emotions and their impact on your decision-making can be important for so many reasons. Not least is how the choices you make now can influence your and your children\u2019s paths into the future.<\/p>\n

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Many families come to me as a mediator looking for an alternative to litigation and the adversarial, win-lose negotiations that accompany the legal process. They want to minimize the damage that comes from systems seemingly designed to pit them against each other until solutions come either from exhaustion or because you can\u2019t afford the damage that comes from continually arguing about who\u2019s more right.<\/p>\n

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Is Reducing Conflict One of Your Goals?<\/em><\/strong><\/h2>\n

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Considering a less adversarial divorce process can sometimes bring a sense of relief, knowing that healthier options are available. Choosing such a path can be a more positive option for you and your children in the longer term, reducing stress and empowering you to have more control over your future even when the current situation may feel beyond control.<\/p>\n

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\"Feig<\/a><\/p>\n

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It can also be a first step in changing how you \u2013 the parents \u2013 interact with each other in the longer term as you move beyond whatever led to your decision to divorce.<\/p>\n

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Here\u2019s the thing: adversarial processes are built around finality and competition, not cooperation and flexibility. They aren\u2019t focused on helping both of you practice the skills you\u2019ll need to deal with the inevitable changes and future disagreements\u2014to shift from battling things out to working things out.<\/p>\n

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As parents who become co-parents, there will be times when you\u2019ll still need to work together to figure things out\u2014but now across two homes instead of one. It\u2019s not the attorneys who will be there when your sick child needs to be picked up from school or when you have to work late. Your children will still need you both.<\/p>\n

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A Mediator\u2019s Three Questions to Help You Set Your Path<\/em><\/strong><\/h2>\n

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I want to share a few questions to also consider as you decide how to approach your divorce and what resources you\u2019ll engage to support you through it and beyond.<\/p>\n

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Think of these questions as a starting point\u2014adding another dimension beyond the adversarial\u2014to help you as you determine your next steps. Even if parental cooperation feels out of reach right now, these questions can help you make an initial \u201cdeposit\u201d toward a more cooperative future than you might currently envision.<\/p>\n

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1. Will the path you choose for your divorce set you up to work together afterward any better than when you started?
\n2. Will it create a foundation for effective co-parenting after the divorce is complete and the attorneys and experts are gone?<\/p>\n

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3. What kind of co-parenting relationship do your children need from both of you and what steps\u2014and resources\u2014can you engage to make that a reality?<\/p>\n

By considering these questions, you\u2019re already laying a foundation for more than just getting through the divorce\u2014you\u2019re actively taking steps to shape a healthier future for yourself and your children.<\/p>\n

Like this article? Check out \u201cHow to Ask Forgiveness from Someone You\u2019ve Hurt\u201d<\/a><\/h2>\n

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\"Erik
Erik Feig, Divorce Mediator, Co-parenting Specialist, Disability Informed Professional, Founder, Feig Mediation Group<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

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\u00a0Erik M Feig is a parent and family mediator and founder of Feig Mediation Group <\/a>in Bethesda Maryland. With a focus on helping families comprehensively and cooperatively navigate divorce and post-divorce co-parenting\u2014especially parents of special needs and neurodivergent children\u2014he serves families throughout the US. To schedule a free consultation, he can be reached at erik@feigmediationgroup.com.<\/em><\/p>\n

The post Tips to the Divorce Strategy Where Everyone Wins<\/a> appeared first on Divorce Blog | Divorce Support Blogs<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n

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