{"id":250839,"date":"2025-02-11T13:11:52","date_gmt":"2025-02-11T13:11:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=250839"},"modified":"2025-02-11T13:11:52","modified_gmt":"2025-02-11T13:11:52","slug":"the-six-steps-to-save-your-relationship-from-a-divorce-lawyer-and-psychologist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/the-six-steps-to-save-your-relationship-from-a-divorce-lawyer-and-psychologist\/","title":{"rendered":"The six steps to save your relationship\u2026 from a divorce lawyer and psychologist"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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With Valentine\u2019s Day on the horizon, it may be that you\u2019re feeling anything but smitten.<\/p>\n

Relationships<\/a> aren\u2019t always plain sailing, and it\u2019s hard to admit that you\u2019ve lost the closeness you once had, or you\u2019re stuck in a repetitive rut of arguing and blaming each other.<\/p>\n

But don\u2019t give up hope.<\/p>\n

We asked psychologist and relationship<\/a> expert Mair\u00e9ad and divorce<\/a> and separation coach Tom Nash from Pivot about the common problems they see in couples \u2013 and how to fix them.<\/p>\n

Here, they share the tips they give their clients.<\/p>\n

FEELING DISCONNECTED<\/h2>\n

With work, children and other commitments to juggle, time together as a couple slips away and, before you know it, you\u2019re living separate lives.<\/p>\n

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Tom suggests scheduling quality time together, much like a calendar appointment. \u201cSet short, regular slots for each other and treat this time as non-negotiable,\u201d he says.<\/span><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n

But merely sitting watching TV<\/a> or just being around one another isn\u2019t always quality time, so get creative with date nights, activities and getaways.<\/p>\n

Daily connection is also key. \u201cSend a text during the day or make a quick phone call to show you care,\u201d says Tom.<\/p>\n

\u201cAt bedtime, talk or cuddle without screens. Look to do shared activities \u2013 involve the family, but put away distractions such as phones.<\/p>\n

“Or, if you want time away from the kids, ask for help. Can family<\/a> or friends look after the children, even briefly, to allow for some quality time together?\u201d<\/p>\n

LACK OF TRUST<\/h2>\n

The root cause of a loss of trust isn\u2019t just infidelity<\/a> \u2013 it could be that your partner\u2019s actions don\u2019t align with their words, they are emotionally unavailable or repeatedly violate agreed boundaries.<\/p>\n

Relationship expert shares three tell-tale signs your relationship is falling apart <\/span><\/div>\n

\u201cApproach the conversation with curiosity, rather than accusation or aggression,\u201d Mair\u00e9ad says.<\/p>\n

\u201cTry opening with: \u2018I\u2019ve noticed I\u2019m feeling uneasy about some things and I want to understand why. Can we talk about it?\u2019 or: \u2018I\u2019m struggling with trust lately, and it is important to me that we work through this together. Can we look at what might be causing it?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Take turns speaking, listen actively and avoid interrupting or reacting. To rebuild trust, Tom says: \u201cFollow through on promises, as consistency matters.<\/p>\n

“Communicate well, listen, be present and hold each other accountable for changes. Seek expert help<\/a> if needed, and respond positively when your partner does try to reconnect.\u201d<\/p>\n

STAY-AT-HOME RESENTMENT<\/h2>\n

Are you resentful of your partner\u2019s freedom, while you take on most of the childcare burden and running of the household?<\/p>\n

Or maybe it\u2019s vice versa and you wish you could be at home with the kids? No wonder there is tension in the relationship<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe stay-at-home parent<\/a> can feel envious of the working partner\u2019s freedom, social interactions and career progression,\u201d says Mair\u00e9ad.<\/p>\n

\u201cStart by acknowledging your feelings without placing blame. For example, say: \u2018I\u2019ve been feeling a bit envious of your time at work<\/a>. I think it\u2019s important we talk about it.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, the working mum (who often also sorts birthday parties, school projects, errands and washing), may feel \u201cjealousy and resentment, stemming from the perceived imbalance in freedom and responsibilities between her and her partner,\u201d Mair\u00e9ad says.<\/p>\n

\u201cCommunicate openly with your partner about your needs for shared responsibilities, which could mean redistributing them more equally or setting aside dedicated time for you to do things that bring you fulfilment.<\/p>\n

“This \u2018me-time\u2019 is so important.\u201d<\/p>\n

POOR COMMUNICATION<\/h2>\n

Couples who don\u2019t communicate well might find they rarely have time to chat and, when they do, it\u2019s hostile, rushed or they end up arguing.<\/p>\n

Begin with simple, non-confrontational conversations and practise active listening. \u201cSet aside time each day or week to catch up without distractions,\u201d says Mair\u00e9ad.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis could be in the morning over a cup of coffee<\/a>, on the phone at lunch or in the evening over dinner.\u201d When arguments do arise, have a game plan.<\/p>\n

\u201cAgree on rules for how you\u2019ll talk to each other, such as no shouting or name-calling,\u201d says Tom.<\/p>\n

\u201cRemember the importance of body language \u2013 facial expressions, how you stand and where you sit all send messages. Notice if you\u2019re crossing your arms, rolling your eyes or sighing, as these small actions can speak volumes.\u201d<\/p>\n

If things get heated, take a step back \u2013 research shows couples who take a five-second break during an argument could stop their row from escalating.*<\/p>\n

OVERBEARING IN-LAWS<\/h2>\n

Maybe it\u2019s not your partner but their parents who are ruining your relationship<\/a>!<\/p>\n

Do they offer unsolicited advice, demand more of your time than you want to offer or always take your partner\u2019s side? It\u2019s time to speak up.<\/p>\n

\u201cShare your concerns with your partner, before talking to your in-laws clearly and calmly,\u201d says Tom.<\/p>\n

\u201cListen and understand their perspective and focus on how you feel, without blaming others. Use \u2018I\u2019 and \u2018we\u2019 statements to help keep communication constructive.\u201d<\/p>\n

Clearly state your expectations around childcare and family<\/a> involvement. \u201cMaintain your boundaries, even if it means saying no,\u201d adds Tom.<\/p>\n

Asking your in-laws to take a step back can be daunting, but make sure you remain calm and respectful. \u201cExpress gratitude and acknowledge their help before stating your concerns.<\/p>\n

“Explain why you need space by focusing on specific issues. Offer alternatives and other ways they can help,\u201d says Tom.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s likely your in-laws won\u2019t take the conversation too well, so be ready for every scenario and, above all, make sure you and your partner have a united approach.<\/p>\n

DEALING WITH INFIDELITY<\/h2>\n

When one of you has been unfaithful, it can be hard to come back from, but it isn\u2019t impossible. \u201cBoth partners need to talk openly about the infidelity and their expectations moving forward,\u201d says Mair\u00e9ad.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe partner who was unfaithful must show commitment to change, transparency and accountability, while the other must work towards forgiveness, if they choose to continue the relationship<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n

She advises taking each day at a time and expecting emotions to change. Though painful, don\u2019t avoid the hard questions.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s important to explore why it happened,\u201d says Tom. \u201cWas there a breakdown in communication or connection?<\/p>\n

“Then, both partners need to express commitment. Is one leaning in while the other leans out? Are you both willing to work on rebuilding?\u201d<\/p>\n

Some relationships<\/a> are not salvageable. \u201cIf the infidelity was a repeated behaviour, if there is a lack of remorse or commitment to change from the unfaithful person, or if you cannot envision a future<\/a> without resentment or distrust, it could be the end of the road,\u201d says Mair\u00e9ad.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n

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