{"id":251714,"date":"2025-02-25T11:41:40","date_gmt":"2025-02-25T11:41:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=251714"},"modified":"2025-02-25T11:41:40","modified_gmt":"2025-02-25T11:41:40","slug":"recognizing-opportunities-created-by-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/recognizing-opportunities-created-by-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"Recognizing Opportunities Created By Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

When it comes to divorce<\/a>, recognizing opportunities can be difficult, since divorce can feel chaotic. Your world is suddenly upside down. Chaos is the opposite of control. Now consider the word \u201copportunity.\u201d\u00a0 For me, this has positive emotions connected to it, as in, \u201cWhat a great opportunity!\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019ve never heard anyone say, \u201cThat\u2019s a terrible opportunity for you.\u201d\u00a0 It has always held the notion that good things lie ahead if only you give it a chance.<\/p>\n

Interestingly, the Chinese symbol for chaos is the same for opportunity.\u00a0 The Chinese have a proverb, \u201cA crisis is an opportunity riding a dangerous wind.\u201d\u00a0 One experience but two differing takes on it.<\/p>\n

When Your World Crumbles<\/strong><\/h2>\n

I was married to my college sweetheart, and I had always thought that we were so good together, real partners.\u00a0 We had been through some recent chaos\u2014he had lost his job in 2008, but we were fortunate that he found another great opportunity closer to where we both grew up.\u00a0 Life was good\u2026until he hit his mid-40\u2019s.<\/p>\n

I started noticing that he was spending less time with me and going out with his best friend, who was going through a divorce and was hitting the bars as his wingman. He traded in his Cadillac for a Camaro; his Honda Shadow for a Harley. Then I noticed he kept bringing up his \u201cwork wife\u201d in conversation. It progressed into territory where I felt unease, but nothing I could pin down or make an accusation about at the time. Hindsight is perfectly clear, but I still felt blindsided when he told me he wanted a divorce, and he was moving in with the work wife. What a clich\u00e9: he traded me in for a younger version of me. Yuck. Welcome, chaos.<\/p>\n

Opportunity Knocks (Recognizing Opportunity)<\/strong><\/h2>\n

I mentioned that in Chinese, chaos and opportunity are the same character, and opportunity is riding in on a dangerous wind. Once this dangerous wind has blown open the door and thrown things around, that opportunity shows up, peering in at the mess, rapping its knuckles on the doorframe.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re probably standing there in a daze, clutching a couch pillow. You may not even hear the knock at that time. That\u2019s ok. Sometimes, you need time to catch your breath and get your bearings before you can even begin to recognize opportunities that might allow you to move forward. Have you ever noticed, though, that when something in your life crumbles, soon something else arrives to take its place?\u00a0 Is that a knock at the door?<\/p>\n

\"Leah<\/a><\/div>\n

You Answer the Door<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Divorce has a way of turning everything in your life into chaos, either in one swift move, or unravelling over time as new challenges come to light. The immediate chaos involves making some big decisions relatively quickly: \u00a0How do we even start this process? Who gets to keep the dog?<\/a> What about the credit card debt?\u00a0 How are we going to share custody of the kids?\u00a0 Who will pay for college?<\/a><\/p>\n

Take a breath. A mediator can help you<\/a> have these conversations with your spouse so that you can make agreements that are acceptable to you both, increasing the likelihood that they will be upheld down the line.\u00a0Mediation<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0is also an opportunity to learn how to communicate with your spouse to mitigate conflict and negotiate other issues that could arise as you switch from being romantic partners to being co-parents.<\/p>\n

Other questions may arise. How are you going to handle having to see him with HER?\u00a0 Will the kids like his new place better because it has a pool?\u00a0 OMG, what if the kids like HER?\u00a0 You can\u2019t even think about dating\u2014and are you too old for this anyways? Where are my keys?<\/p>\n

These thoughts threaten to take over your waking hours\u2014and also the hours you\u2019re supposed to be sleeping so that you can have some kind of clear mind to deal with these questions during the day. Not only is sleep elusive, but you notice that when you do remember to eat, it seems to be only pepperoni pizza or Fritos. Your coworkers are beginning to give you the side eye as you sit and stare blankly at your computer. If one of them asks you how you\u2019re doing, you\u2019re afraid you may burst into tears.\u00a0 We need to talk about self-care.\u00a0 More on this later.<\/p>\n

Eventually, though, this passes. It will take a while, so be patient with yourself. In the meantime, what other opportunities are there for you?\u00a0 Divorce is an ending, but also a beginning. If your world has been blown up, you pretty much have to start over.\u00a0 Do you need to find a job?\u00a0 Go back to school? Find a new place to live? Make a budget (and stick with it?)<\/p>\n

Instead of panicking, take a deep breath and take stock. I had to figure out a new career, find a new place to live, and make a budget. Here is where I also had an opportunity to choose my attitude about how I was going to move forward. I chose to view this as a Phoenix Rising phase. I found a perfect apartment and decorated it exactly the way I wanted to. I got rid of 12 carloads of marital stuff, and sold all the jewelry he had ever given me. I made a new friend who was also divorced, and we went dancing on the weekends.<\/p>\n

I was currently unemployed but was receiving\u00a0spousal support<\/strong><\/a>, so I decided to reinvent myself as a divorce coach. I was already a certified life coach, with a counseling background, but I started learning all I could about divorce, along with how to build a business. I became a certified divorce mediator through the Ohio Supreme Court.\u00a0 Opportunities came along, including being a communication coach for women divorcing narcissists, then working as a case facilitator for a divorce lawyer. That led me to my current happy place as a divorce mediator and divorce coach for Intentional Divorce Solutions. Opportunity knocked many times\u2014it was my job to answer it. This is your call as well.<\/p>\n

Opportunities for Support<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Everyone can use support during a divorce, as well as long afterward. There are several opportunities for you in this regard. In addition to offering\u00a0support groups<\/a><\/strong>, I also offer individual divorce coaching to keep you moving forward. You don\u2019t have to go through this alone!\u00a0 Support is just a click away.<\/p>\n

Like this article? Check out \u201cTips for Handling Change During and After Divorce\u201d<\/a><\/p>\n

The post Recognizing Opportunities Created By Divorce<\/a> appeared first on Divorce Blog | Divorce Support Blogs<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n

Source link <\/a><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n