It\u2019s a shameful thing to be a sap in these hard-edged times. Publicly I\u2019m as cynical as anyone\u2014unshockable, jaded, mocking. But in my heart I like feel-good. I don\u2019t enjoy rooting against anyone, whether it be a candidate or an opposing team. Secretly, I\u2019d give everyone a participation trophy. And I love a happy ending.<\/p>\n
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But I\u2019m also a total sucker for gossip, which poses something of a moral problem. After all, I\u2019m on the record as a slavish Page Six reader, a daily devotee of a column that by its own admission takes an activist (and malevolently gleeful) role in promoting high-profile divorces.<\/p>\n
The tabloid universe is a harsh one. Like pagan gods, the powers that be may target a certain marriage, not resting until divorce papers are signed and, ideally, a hefty settlement has been reached. The marriage may offend the tabloids\u2019 sensibilities, or their morals, or simply their sense of timing. But there are rules. And there are repercussions for breaking them.<\/p>\n
This is true of any tabloid worth its salt, of course, and New York\u2019s Daily News<\/em> or the Sun<\/em> has its own bedpost\u2019s worth of failed marriages. It\u2019s sort of like inheriting one\u2019s loyalty to a sports franchise: As a Post reader I consider it the best tabloid, and my causes are theirs. As such, over the years, I have taken a particularly deep and abiding interest in the failed marriages that have been their pet causes\u2014chronicling the end times of, among others, Donald and Ivana Trump, Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook, Rudy Giuliani and Donna Hanover, Ellen Barkin and Ron Perelman, and, of late, Harry Macklowe and his wife Linda.<\/p>\n \n\t\t\tGetty<\/span>\t\t<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Advertisement – Continue Reading Below<\/p>\n<\/div>\n As one might expect, these tend to be New York couples, their travails often of limited interest outside the tristate area. But whatever their real world celebrity, in the universe that is New York Post<\/em> divorces, they take on distinct and new identities. Peter Cook may have been a respectable architect at some point; to Post<\/em> readers he will always be the pretty-boy sleazebag who cheated on Christie Brinkley with a young girl. The subsequent divorce\u2014and Brinkley\u2019s outfits\u2014were chronicled in mind-numbing detail in a series of screaming, pun-filled headlines, bystander accounts of Cook\u2019s \u201cogling\u201d of \u201cpretty young things,\u201d reports on Billy Joel\u2019s reactions, dire warnings to \u201cgals\u201d not to \u201cfall for cad boys,\u201d and a triumphant “V for Victory!” cover of a glamorous Brinkley emerging from court.<\/p>\n Ellen Barkin has plenty of impressive acting credits under her belt, but as an avenging angel auctioning off the ransom of jewels that faithless Revlon tycoon Ron Perelman showered on her, she found her most memorable role to date. Or, as the Post<\/em> put it, “Barkin Score$ Big From Her Love on the Rocks.” (\u201cTheir love is cold, but the ice was plenty hot.\u201d)<\/p>\n \n\t<\/p>\n A slow news day, a divorce attorney out for blood, and a good PR agent can turn a private legal matter into the concern of a city.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote><\/div>\n<\/div>\n Harry Macklowe, meanwhile, was a mild-mannered billionaire real estate investor<\/span> and social grandee before the gods of Page Six decided to take him up. I confess I had barely heard of him. Now he\u2019s a fixture with my morning coffee, as he and ex Linda battle over their vast art and real estate holdings. A day cannot pass without learning that, say, “Billionaire Harry Macklowe to Demolish Pad Estranged Wife Planned to Buy,” or, “Linda Macklowe Will Get Lavish Plaza Hotel Condo in Divorce,” or, “Linda Macklowe Lowballs Art Collection to Get More Money in Divorce<\/a>,” or, “Linda Macklowe\u2019s Lawyer Calls Her Soon-to-Be Ex a \u2018Shyster\u2019,” or, “Harry Macklowe Celebrates Qith 300 Vip Guests Amid Divorce” (to cite a few recent headlines).<\/p>\n Whatever the outcome of the labyrinthine case, whatever the financial realities, in my mind he\u2019s now the old man who left his long-suffering spouse for a French sex kitten. Never mind that the other woman in question is a mature and respected art world figure; that\u2019s sort of too complicated to remember.<\/p>\n Advertisement – Continue Reading Below<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Advertisement – Continue Reading Below<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Turns out the coverage actually affects the official proceedings, too. \u201cThe judges read it\u2014and reference it,\u201d says attorney Nancy Chemtob, who has worked on high-profile divorces including those of Michael and Diandra Douglas, Tiki and Ginny Barber, and Bobby Flay and Stephanie March. She cites cases in which the judge has called the warring couple into his chambers and reminded them, \u201c\u2018There\u2019s a reporter out there. Do you really want to see yourselves in the Post<\/em>? There are kids involved.\u2019 It becomes a way to keep people civil.\u201d<\/p>\n But the effects aren\u2019t always positive. \u201cWhen I walk into a courtroom and see [Post<\/em> legal reporter] Julia Marsh, I cringe or smile depending on what side I\u2019m on,\u201d Chemtob says, because the tabs inevitably pick one party to root for. \u201cPeople love Michael Douglas,\u201d she says of her former client\u2019s ex. \u201cIt can be hard to see your client\u2019s position misrepresented.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\t\t\tGETTY IMAGES (BRINKLEY); WIREIMAGE (BARKIN AND PERELMAN)<\/span>\t\t<\/p>\n<\/div>\n It is true that, in the grand tabloid tradition, the Post\u2019s<\/em> divorce narratives are filled with panto villains and home-wreckers, abandoned spouses and devastated families. Someone is in the wrong; someone is the injured party. Who is which can, of course, shift from day to day, but the roles must be filled. A slow news day, a divorce attorney out for blood, and a good PR agent can turn a private legal matter into the concern of a city.<\/p>\n The internet may be peerless in its ability to tar a reputation, but there\u2019s still something about inch-high letters on a front page. They invest you, the local reader, in a way no viral ephemera can. Sure, the story may have changed by the afternoon, but for the day it\u2019s on the stand, in a silly and literal way it is the news.<\/p>\n And nothing sticks in your mind like a New York Post<\/em> headline. We will remember the Portly Pepperpot long after Monica Lewinsky and her anti-bullying campaign have faded from our literal memories. Not to mention the fact that for Marla Maples<\/a>, Donald Trump was “The Best Sex I\u2019ve Ever Had.”<\/p>\n Whether the motivation behind an individual story is PR (see “The Best Sex I\u2019ve Ever Had”), legal strategy, personal loyalty (or grudge), or merely a lack of hard news, there\u2019s one rule that cannot be broken: If the Post<\/em> decides you should divorce your spouse, you have to do it. Follow this simple dictum and the Pos<\/em>t<\/em> will defend you to the death. But defy it at your own risk!<\/p>\n Consider, for instance, the case of Anthony Weiner and Huma Abedin<\/a>. The story had it all: politics (both local and national), underage Lolitas, Carlos Danger, Sydney Leathers, Hillary Clinton, and the sort of compulsive self-destructiveness that tabloid editors live for. The script was clear: Huma would leave; Anthony would be shamed.<\/p>\n Advertisement – Continue Reading Below<\/p>\n<\/div>\n And, yet, inexplicably, she refused. She stayed. And stayed. And in so doing she became the Post\u2019s<\/em> white whale. She had broken the established code of tabloid conduct, and for this she had to be punished. Of the more than 900,000 stories the Post<\/em> has devoted to the couple, at least 100 have dealt with the paper\u2019s increasing frustration with her recalcitrance. \u201cFool me once, shame on you. Fool Huma Abedin four times, and she\u2019ll still take you back,\u201d the paper raged in March.<\/p>\n When she did, at last, file for divorce last May, the Post<\/em> was churlish in victory. \u201cHuma Abedin\u2014 repeatedly humiliated by disgraced sext-a-holic hubby Anthony Weiner\u2014finally sued for divorce Friday.\u201d But even then her behavior was not to the paper\u2019s satisfaction. \u201cJust when you thought Huma Abedin finally had enough, the Hillary Clinton aide has invited her admitted sex offender hubby back home again!\u201d it scolded. In September a reporter noted that \u201cAnthony Weiner and Huma Abedin sat elbow to elbow whispering to each other during their first divorce hearing Wednesday\u2014then left together in a chauffeur-driven car.\u201d The amicability of the separation left the Post<\/em> seething.<\/p>\n How much did it care, really? How much do we? Do such headlines serve as an outlet for our genuine cultural outrage or merely as a reassuring, nostalgic reminder of it? In a country and time where 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, why should we continue to act as though such dissolutions are still the decadent domain of the one percent? Why the charade?<\/p>\n \n\t<\/p>\n There are obviously real issues here of misogyny and scapegoating, of a need for some sort of standards in a country where they\u2019re degraded every day.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote><\/div>\n<\/div>\n There are obviously real issues here of misogyny and scapegoating, of a need for some sort of standards in a country where they\u2019re degraded every day. Part of it is simple hypocrisy\u2014which is to say, the human condition. We need to judge other people, and we like to see them punished, if only so we get to forgive them later. (And, of course, we do. As of this writing we have turned our collective attention to Brinkley and Cook\u2019s model daughter, for whom we wish only good things.)<\/p>\n I like to believe it\u2019s something less cynical, more innocent. I often think of my grandmother, who was as sweet and nonjudgmental a woman as ever existed but who took a deep and personal interest in scurrilous gossip. It was an interest we shared. We\u2019d watch screaming women lunge at men taking DNA tests on daytime TV, our brows furrowed in worry. We would sadly discuss the peccadilloes of politicians and disgraced royals and hope they found peace. We followed celebrity travails with sincere concern, and we hated to think of their children reading the headlines. The world was very hard; it was our job to monitor it.<\/p>\n And then things got better: Husbands got counseling and wives took them back. Errant royals lost weight and sat down with Oprah. Ivana stumped for Donald, and he married Melania, and my grandmother died, and then the Post<\/em> endorsed him. Huma and Anthony and Linda and Harry divorced, and other couples divorced, and came back on the front page, and if we saw them again it was in new guises, and we were all old friends who had been through something together. <\/p>\n Advertisement – Continue Reading Below<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Advertisement – Continue Reading Below<\/p>\n<\/div>\n And it would be okay, it would be okay, this too shall pass. There but for the grace of God go we all.<\/p>\n This story appears in the February 2018 issue of <\/em>Town & Country. Subscribe Today<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n Advertisement – Continue Reading Below<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n It\u2019s a shameful thing to be a sap in these hard-edged times. Publicly I\u2019m as cynical as anyone\u2014unshockable, jaded, mocking. But in my heart I like feel-good. I don\u2019t enjoy rooting against anyone, whether it be a candidate or an opposing team. Secretly, I\u2019d give everyone a participation trophy. And I love a happy ending. … <\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/hips.hearstapps.com\/hmg-prod.s3.amazonaws.com\/images\/post-daily-news-1516073216.jpg?crop=1xw:1xh;center,top&resize=768:*\" "\\"\\"")
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