{"id":255714,"date":"2025-05-17T08:45:11","date_gmt":"2025-05-17T08:45:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=255714"},"modified":"2025-05-17T08:45:11","modified_gmt":"2025-05-17T08:45:11","slug":"a-great-example-of-how-to-be-your-best-self-in-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/a-great-example-of-how-to-be-your-best-self-in-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"A Great Example of How to be Your Best Self in Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I met a policeman recently, who happens to be a great example of how to be your best self in divorce.\u00a0 This man went through a divorce <\/a>8 years ago and his youngest child just turned 18 after graduating high school.\u00a0 His child support orders are through. Over! He never has to pay his wife child support ever again. But, read on.<\/p>\n

The man spent a little time discussing the divorce process with me.\u00a0 He and his wife each had their own lawyers, and they each spent quite a lot of money going through the paces that their lawyers advised. He\u2019s a cop and she\u2019s a teacher, so a lot of money to them has long-term implications.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t get replaced in the next bonus cycle.<\/p>\n

But, neither of them knew anything about divorce, so they did what they were told to do, and fought when they were told to fight, and let the Judges rule about how they would divide their parenting time and their retirement accounts, and their personal belongings.\u00a0\u00a0 Even talking about it this many years after the fact, he seemed sad and remorseful about the way he and his wife had spent that year of their lives.<\/p>\n

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He didn\u2019t seem bitter or angry.\u00a0He just seemed like someone who had gone down the wrong road in a maze, had found his way out, and was now moving on with his life. We talked a little bit about his kids; where they go to college, what they study, how often he sees them.<\/p>\n

On the topic of visiting days and holidays, there was a lot of the word \u201cwe.\u201d\u00a0 As in, \u201cWe have them all home every year for Thanksgiving.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 I imagined his new wife or current girlfriend was the other half of that \u201cwe\u201d and that she was probably a good person to embrace, and be embraced by this man\u2019s children from a former relationship.\u00a0 But, as he kept talking, it became apparent that the \u201cwe\u201d with whom these kids spend their school vacations are their parents.\u00a0\u00a0Both of them, Mom and Dad; long divorced Mom and Dad. It then hit me: this is how to be your best self in divorce.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh,\u201d he assured me, \u201cwe don\u2019t see each other every day, or anything like that.\u00a0 We each have our own lives.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEvery week?\u201d I asked.\u00a0 He stopped and thought. No, probably not.<\/p>\n

\u201cEvery month?\u201d\u00a0 He did not have to stop and think. He just said \u201cOf course.\u201d<\/p>\n

I had to ask, \u201cWhy do you \u2018of course\u2019 see each other every month?\u201d<\/p>\n

Then he got a little sheepish, as he admitted that he still goes by her place on the first week of the month and pays her child support.<\/a>\u00a0 There are no children and the court order has ended, but he knows that she relies on that money to pay her bills and make ends meet.\u00a0 And he couldn\u2019t face himself if he cut her off just because the last kid was out of the house. \u201cWhat kind of dad, what kind of man, would I be?\u201d he asked me.<\/p>\n

This is being your best self in divorce.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I told him he is a good man.\u00a0 He knows he is.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how long he intends to go on giving his ex-wife money.\u00a0 Maybe she needs all of it, or maybe she is saving some of it for when he no longer has the ability just to help her because he wants to.\u00a0 All I know is this: for now, he gets to be part of the Mom and Dad who spend every holiday and visiting day with his kids, he is welcomed into his ex-wife\u2019s house whenever they feel like seeing each other, and \u2013 the most important part of all \u2013 he can look himself in the mirror and like what kind of man he is. He is his best self in divorce.<\/p>\n

The takeaway?\u00a0Bad marriages and bad divorces all end, one way or another, but good people are always good people.<\/p>\n

The post A Great Example of How to be Your Best Self in Divorce<\/a> appeared first on Divorce Blog | Divorce Support Blogs<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n

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