{"id":257149,"date":"2025-06-15T12:31:18","date_gmt":"2025-06-15T12:31:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=257149"},"modified":"2025-06-15T12:31:18","modified_gmt":"2025-06-15T12:31:18","slug":"most-couples-never-even-notice-it-but-experts-say-theres-one-clue-that-basically-means-divorce-is-imminent","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/most-couples-never-even-notice-it-but-experts-say-theres-one-clue-that-basically-means-divorce-is-imminent\/","title":{"rendered":"Most Couples Never Even Notice It, But Experts Say There&#8217;s One Clue That Basically Means Divorce Is Imminent"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div>\n<p>I\u2019m now a 33-year-old woman living in the suburbs. Setting up a birdhouse outside my home office window is a rite of passage. Every time I see movement above my laptop, I glance up to find one of two things: either a bird or a squirrel.<\/p>\n<p>If it\u2019s the former, I say, \u201cLook how red that cardinal is!\u201d or \u201cWow, is that a woodpecker?\u201d or \u201cI\u2019ve never seen a bird with a yellow tummy before,\u201d or \u201cOh my god, it\u2019s so tiny!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If it\u2019s the latter, I say, \u201cAre you kidding me!? These little guys are mutants. We need a different baffle.\u201d Either way, my partner looks, reacts, and positively engages. It\u2019s one of my\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/medium.com\/bitchy\/newsflash-i-find-my-boyfriends-feminine-qualities-extremely-hot-d650f1faf6b8\" rel=\"nofollow\">favorite things about him,<\/a> especially since I know that some people aren\u2019t so lucky.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article-body-related-links\"><strong>RELATED: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/love\/signs-married-couples-lead-divorce\">14 Research-Backed Signs Of Married Couples That Lead Straight To Divorce<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Take, for example, the woman who recorded\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@jenni.mah\/video\/7506871841932217642\" rel=\"nofollow\">this TikTok<\/a>. She and her husband went to a movie, which turned out to be way better than she expected. Afterwards, they got dinner, and she was chomping at the bit to sit down and discuss.<\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cThe movie was so good. I was so excited to talk about it, and he looked at me dead in my face and said, \u2018It was just a movie.\u2019 I immediately stopped talking. The more I sat there and thought about it, I started crying. And when <\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/love\/women-wish-men-would-apologize\"><em>he finally apologized<\/em><\/a><em>, he said, \u2018You\u2019re right, I\u2019m sorry. I love it when you get excited. It\u2019s just annoying sometimes.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>To some people, this might not seem like a big deal.\u00a0To anyone who\u2019s ever <a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/heartbreak\/signs-youre-being-emotionally-neglected-your-marriage\">felt emotionally shut down in their relationships<\/a>, it\u2019s a\u00a0massive deal. Women in her comments section chimed in, saying things like:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><em>\u201c<\/em>Been there and divorced him.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cYou know what\u2019s not painful? Living alone.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cThe way I\u2019d rather die single than have this kind of \u2018love\u2019 find me.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cYour happiness bothers him. There is some veiled hatred there. Whatever his journey is, you deserve a partner who enjoys you.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>Most couples never even notice it, but experts say ignoring a &#8216;bid for connection&#8217; is one of the biggest predictors of divorce.<\/h2>\n<p class=\"media media--type-image media--view-mode-default\"><span class=\"field field--name-field-media-image field--type-image field--label-hidden field__item\"> <img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"img-fluid\" title=\"most couples never even notice it but there's one clue that basically means divorce is imminent\" src=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/sites\/default\/files\/image_blog\/2025-06\/one-clue-divorce-basically-imminent.png\" alt=\"couple in a relationship where divorce is imminent\" width=\"850\" height=\"850\" \/><\/span> <span class=\"field field--name-field-credit field--type-string field--label-hidden field__item\">Yuri A \/ Shutterstock<\/span><\/p>\n<h3>A bid for connection means one partner tries to connect through affirmation, emotion, attention, or affection, and the other has a choice: They can either turn towards it or away from it.<\/h3>\n<p>That woman\u2019s husband?\u00a0He blatantly turned away from it. Typically, women make more bids for connection than men, and men may struggle to recognize a bid and respond accordingly due to\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/articles\/PMC5784910\/\" rel=\"nofollow\">difficulty interpreting subtle emotional cues<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article-body-related-links\"><strong>RELATED: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/love\/one-sentence-that-totally-nails-why-most-marriages-fall-apart\">One Sentence That Totally Nails Why Most Marriages Fall Apart<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Renowned American psychologist and relationship expert\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/experts\/john-gottman\">John Gottman<\/a>\u00a0researched the concept and found that couples who accepted each other\u2019s bids stayed together much longer than couples who didn\u2019t\/<\/p>\n<p>\u201cGottman <a href=\"https:\/\/www.gottman.com\/blog\/turn-toward-instead-of-away\/\" rel=\"nofollow\">conducted a study<\/a> with newlyweds, then followed up with them six years later. The couples that stayed married were much better at one thing: [accepting bids for connection by turning towards each other]. At the six-year follow-up, couples that stayed married turned towards one another 86% of the time. Couples that divorced averaged only 33% of the time.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s a pretty big gap for such a seemingly minor thing, but if you\u2019re familiar with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/love\/attachment-theory-other-ways-understand-why-your-spouse-was-put-earth-make-you-crazy\">the neuroscience of attachment<\/a>, it makes perfect sense.<\/p>\n<p>When our brains are developing as babies, the\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.frontiersin.org\/journals\/endocrinology\/articles\/10.3389\/fendo.2017.00356\/full\" rel=\"nofollow\">oxytocin\u2013vasopressin pathway<\/a>\u00a0helps us form attachments to our parents. These hormones are fired during breastfeeding, touch, eye contact, facial mirroring, shared laughter, and moments of emotional connection.<\/p>\n<p>If a caretaker consistently responds to the baby\u2019s noises, cues, and needs, the baby feels safe and connected. If they don\u2019t, the baby learns that connection isn\u2019t something they can count on, and is likely to struggle with\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.inspirethemind.org\/post\/the-importance-of-responding-to-a-crying-baby\" rel=\"nofollow\">anxiety, insecurity, isolation, and avoidance<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Guess when the oxytocin\u2013vasopressin pathway gets reactivated in adulthood? Yep. In your romantic relationships.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article-body-related-links\"><strong>RELATED: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/heartbreak\/husbands-beware-of-great-divorce\">Husbands, Beware: The &#8216;Great Divorce&#8217; Is Here \u2014 &#8216;Your Wives See You As An Extra Burden&#8217;<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<h3>When our partners turn away from us in a moment of connection, we instantly regress into vulnerable, ignored newborns.<\/h3>\n<p>What constitutes a bid for connection? Any time a partner requests attention, affection, or help through words or body language, that\u2019s a bid for connection. They\u2019re often small moments that are easy to miss, but they have the potential to make or break your relationship.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>You make a joke. Your partner can either laugh or roll their eyes.<\/li>\n<li>You start a conversation. Your partner can either engage or stare past you at the TV.<\/li>\n<li>You ask to play your favorite board game. Your partner can either enthusiastically agree, or say \u201cAgain? It\u2019s so boring.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>You tell them you had a weird dream. Your partner can either ask about it or gloss over it.<\/li>\n<li>You\u2019re overwhelmed with a task. Your partner can either help you or ignore you.<\/li>\n<li>You ask, \u201cHow was your day?\u201d Your partner can either tell you about it or shrug it off and say, \u201cFine.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>You request help with the kids or pets. Your partner can either jump in or act annoyed\/clueless.<\/li>\n<li>You lean into them on the couch. Your partner can either put their arm around you or shift uncomfortably.<\/li>\n<li>You <a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/love\/one-simple-gesture-could-make-relationship-rock-solid\">grab their hand<\/a> in public. Your partner can either squeeze it or shake you loose.<\/li>\n<li>You ask how you look. Your partner can either give you a genuine compliment or a dismissive grunt.<\/li>\n<li>You invite them to run errands with you or go on a walk. Your partner can either come or make up an excuse.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>When it comes to bids for connection, it\u2019s never just about birds and board games. It\u2019s about presence and connection. It\u2019s about engaging the parts of your partner\u2019s brain that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/love\/quiet-ways-man-tries-make-you-feel-safe-when-loves-you-for-real\">make them feel safe and seen<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Over time, these tiny reactions stack up. You can choose to create something secure and solid, or you can quietly teach each other that your joy, curiosity, and needs are too much.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article-body-related-links\"><strong>RELATED: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/heartbreak\/brutally-honest-signs-marriage-flat-out-over\">I&#8217;m A Divorce Coach \u2014 Here Are 10 Brutally Honest Signs Your Marriage Is Flat-Out Over<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/users\/mariacassano92\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><em>Maria Cassano<\/em><\/a><em> is a writer, editor, and journalist whose work has appeared on NBC, Bustle, CNN, The Daily Beast, Food &amp; Wine, and Allure, among others. S<\/em><\/p>\n<div class=\"midcat-most-popular\">Related Stories From YourTango:<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/www.tiktok.com\/embed.js\"><\/script><\/p>\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/love\/most-couples-never-notice-clue-means-divorce-imminent\">Source link <\/a><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/contact-us\/\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-14\" src=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer-300x100.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer-300x100.png 300w, https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer-150x50.png 150w, https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer.png 600w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><center><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.google.com\/maps\/d\/u\/1\/embed?mid=1w4tN9mf5kVdBXUXTq2KvwE23NmpUzEna\" width=\"640\" height=\"480\"><\/iframe><\/center>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><center><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: 0px #ffffff none;\" src=\"https:\/\/calendar.google.com\/calendar\/embed?src=sc635csnrm8h9s9lq0cad6vkss@group.calendar.google.com\" name=\"myiFrame\" width=\"600px\" height=\"3px\" frameborder=\"1\" marginwidth=\"0px\" marginheight=\"0px\" scrolling=\"no\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/center>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><center><\/center><\/p>\n<div>\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.dominiclevent.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/Business_Solicitors_London.jpg\" width=\"600\" \/><\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<div>Dominic Levent Solicitors<\/div>\n<div>Email: Enquiries@dominiclevent.com<\/div>\n<div>Phone: 020 8347 6640<\/div>\n<div>Url: https:\/\/www.dominiclevent.com<\/div>\n<div style=\"display: none;\">cash, check, credit card, invoice<\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>\n<div>1345 High Rd<\/div>\n<div>London, London N20 9HR<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I\u2019m now a 33-year-old woman living in the suburbs. Setting up a birdhouse outside my home office window is a rite of passage. Every time I see movement above my laptop, I glance up to find one of two things: either a bird or a squirrel. If it\u2019s the former, I say, \u201cLook how red &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/most-couples-never-even-notice-it-but-experts-say-theres-one-clue-that-basically-means-divorce-is-imminent\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;Most Couples Never Even Notice It, But Experts Say There&#8217;s One Clue That Basically Means Divorce Is Imminent&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-257149","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news1","entry"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Most Couples Never Even Notice It, But Experts Say There&#039;s One Clue That Basically Means Divorce Is Imminent - Dominic Levent Solicitors Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/most-couples-never-even-notice-it-but-experts-say-theres-one-clue-that-basically-means-divorce-is-imminent\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Most Couples Never Even Notice It, But Experts Say There&#039;s One Clue That Basically Means Divorce Is Imminent - Dominic Levent Solicitors Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I\u2019m now a 33-year-old woman living in the suburbs. Setting up a birdhouse outside my home office window is a rite of passage. Every time I see movement above my laptop, I glance up to find one of two things: either a bird or a squirrel. 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Setting up a birdhouse outside my home office window is a rite of passage. Every time I see movement above my laptop, I glance up to find one of two things: either a bird or a squirrel. 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