{"id":260074,"date":"2025-07-31T08:25:34","date_gmt":"2025-07-31T08:25:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=260074"},"modified":"2025-07-31T08:25:34","modified_gmt":"2025-07-31T08:25:34","slug":"divorce-advice-for-the-first-year","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/divorce-advice-for-the-first-year\/","title":{"rendered":"Divorce Advice for the First Year"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

From the minute a spouse says, \u201cI want a divorce,\u201d (or they say it to their spouse),<\/a> life completely changes, and I\u2019m not going to sugarcoat it, it\u2019s really really hard. Speaking from my experience, the first year is the hardest, and then things start to get better. But I want to say this: even though it\u2019s hard, that doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t and won\u2019t have enjoyment in your life. In other words, it\u2019s not all bad. There are still happy, empowering moments and lots of significant lessons learned. I want to offer divorce advice for the first year that I think might help.<\/p>\n

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Here is my divorce advice; a snapshot, or a divorce timeline with certain things that I think tend to happen starting from day one of the separation through 12 months (or four seasons.)<\/h2>\n

1.\u00a0The minute your ex says, \u201cI want a divorce,\u201d or you say it, it\u2019s almost surreal.<\/h3>\n

Sure, it\u2019s been building for months, years, perhaps. You knew it was coming, but it still feels utterly shocking.\u00a0 Or, maybe you had no clue it was coming. (Yet, as time goes by you begin to realize that you purposely missed all the signs because you didn\u2019t want to see them.) The first few weeks of going through a divorce<\/a>, you run on autopilot. It\u2019s almost like you are sleep walking through life. You seriously cannot believe this is happening.<\/p>\n

My divorce advice:<\/h2>\n

Take things day by day. Just get through the days trying to get everything done, while allowing yourself to absorb what is happening. Be sensitive to your children. Remember, they probably don\u2019t know yet, so try to act normal and try not to cry in front of them. Crying to others or by yourself, however, is in my opinion, a good thing. Grieving is healthy and normal. Lastly, try to enjoy moments. In other words, don\u2019t write you life off. You still deserve to have enjoyment every day, even from little things.<\/p>\n

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\"BeH20<\/a><\/div>\n

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2.\u00a0Over the next month or so, reality starts to kick in.<\/b><\/h3>\n

There\u2019s a pretty good chance, one or both of you will retain Lawyers,<\/a>\u00a0and you and your ex come to an agreement on temporary child support and other financial matters. You tell your kids (which I think if you ask most people if they were given a choice between telling the kids their parents are divorcing or being stabbed, they\u2019d take the stabbing.)<\/p>\n

My advice: tell the kids together. It\u2019s the first step in showing them that you are still parents who are on the same page when it comes to them. Give them lots of hugs and kisses and talk to them A\u00a0 LOT. I would suggest getting a therapist <\/a>at this point, if you don\u2019t already have one because at this point, a lot of pent up resentment is coming out and there can be a lot of anger, and you really don\u2019t want to express it in front of the kids. Therapy is a necessary outlet.<\/p>\n

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3.\u00a0You or your ex moves out<\/b>.<\/h3>\n

Now reality is really, really kicking in. This is real! If you are a man who moves out, I don\u2019t know how you feel, but I can tell you I imagine it being gut wrenchingly sad and awful.\u00a0 If you are a woman, you come home one day and all his \u201cstuff\u201d is gone and it is so sad, it\u2019s nauseating. My advice: Focus on your kids. They are probably really feeling it now. It\u2019s okay to be sad together. There\u2019s a fine line\u2013you don\u2019t want to bawl your eyes out and make your kids feel like you\u2019re not OK, but you don\u2019t want your kids to feel like you aren\u2019t sad about the divorce, either. So, somewhere in the middle is good.<\/p>\n

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\"vestor<\/a><\/div>\n

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4.\u00a0You spend time without your kids<\/b>.<\/h3>\n

Another huge blow. You wake up and the house is quiet and you are alone.<\/a>It\u2019s the worst feeling in the world. If it\u2019s a holiday, that makes it doubly worse. You start drinking wine by yourself (I did this and I would drunk dial my girlfriends and cry.) My advice: minimize drinking, use your support group (your friends) but for coffee or while working out. This is a great time to start networking for jobs, or focus on your current job.<\/p>\n

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5.\u00a0You dip your toe in the dating water<\/b>.<\/h3>\n

Yikes. This takes you to a new level of depression. There are no good guys (or girls) out there! Some of my dates and relationships were actually so ridiculous that they ended up as characters in book, \u201cWho Let The Dogs Out.\u201d<\/a> Or, you start dating a bunch of people and you love it for awhile.<\/p>\n

My advice: Just enjoy the company of new people. Take them for who they are. You can meet someone who you\u2019d never want to kiss in a million years and she could end up being a close friend. You could meet someone who ends up helping you in your career. And if you are having fun with dating, great! You deserve to be happy. Just go with it.<\/p>\n

6.\u00a0You find out your ex is involved with someone.<\/b><\/h3>\n

I don\u2019t care whose decision it is to get divorced, when you find out your ex is dating someone it\u2019s like a punch in the stomach. My advice: I wish I had better advice, but you have to just deal with it. Let time go by and see what happens, and focus on your own love life and other great things going on in your life. And don\u2019t think he or she found their sole mate on the first try! Things are not always as they appear.<\/p>\n

7.\u00a0You delve into the legal part of your divorce.<\/b><\/h3>\n

Court orders, lawyer fees, possibly mediation.<\/a> Thinking of all that still makes me nauseous even after all these years. My divorce advice: Be patient and make sure you trust your attorney. It\u2019s a gut feeling. You know. If you are having a bad feeling, you can switch. It\u2019s not as difficult as you think.<\/p>\n

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8.\u00a0A year to the day he told you he wanted a divorce-or you told him<\/b>.<\/h3>\n

You sit and reflect. You think about all the crying you did, all the times you consoled your kids or dealt with their behavior-acting out because of the change, you think about all the fighting and bickering you and your ex did, how much you felt his or her hatred, how many times you thought you might want him or her back, how many times you swore you hated his guts, and two days later, you remembered how much you used to love him.<\/p>\n

You think about all the dating, partying, crazy things you might have done. But here is what (hopefully) you are thinking:<\/p>\n

I\u2019m in such a better place than I was at this time last year.<\/h2>\n

I have a job (or my job is going well), my kids are in a better place, not having to deal with the fighting and\/or lack of love that was in their home, I\u2019m dating someone I like (or I just don\u2019t care about that right now), and my ex and I are civil and in a good place with each other.<\/p>\n

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\"Catherine<\/a><\/div>\n

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I will always remember that first year as the most difficult year of my life. But it could be the year I learned more about myself than any other.<\/p>\n

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Divorce advice:<\/h2>\n

I think when you go through a divorce, it\u2019s empowering to realize how strong you can be when you need to. How you can think you are falling apart and then realize you are way too tough for that.\u00a0 There\u2019s a feeling of self-confidence and grace that is beyond rewarding, and it comes from rising out of a brutally difficult situation, handling it with courage, accepting what you can\u2019t control, and having the guts to go out and grab the life you want.<\/p>\n

Like this article? Check out, \u201c20 Things I Wish I Could Have Told My Newly Separated Self\u201d<\/a><\/h2>\n

The post Divorce Advice for the First Year<\/a> appeared first on Divorce Blog | Divorce Support Blogs<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n

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