{"id":260414,"date":"2025-08-04T08:38:06","date_gmt":"2025-08-04T08:38:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=260414"},"modified":"2025-08-04T08:38:06","modified_gmt":"2025-08-04T08:38:06","slug":"they-ate-my-exs-furniture-people-on-their-drastic-divorce-decisions-from-training-huskies-to-getting-plastic-surgery-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/they-ate-my-exs-furniture-people-on-their-drastic-divorce-decisions-from-training-huskies-to-getting-plastic-surgery-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018They ate my ex\u2019s furniture!\u2019: people on their drastic divorce decisions, from training huskies to getting plastic surgery | Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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S<\/span>he had green eyes that \u201ccould see through walls\u201d, Chris remembers, not unruefully. When he and his Russian girlfriend broke up, Chris, originally from Sussex and now living in Maine in the US, admits he had Siberia (Elena came from the city of Novosibirsk) on the mind. He did the obvious thing: went and got a pair of three-month-old Siberian husky puppies: Loki and Freja, brother and sister \u2013 also with piercing eyes, but icy blue, especially Loki\u2019s. \u201cPeople would just stop on the street as he walked by.\u201d<\/p>\n

Chris had owned dogs before\u2013 labradors. \u201cI figured that huskies were labradors with fur coats on,\u201d he\u00a0says,\u00a0talking to me from his pickup truck after an early morning paddle in his kayak. \u201cThey absolutely are not.\u201d<\/p>\n

The dogs got bigger, and wilder. \u201cI was completely ill-equipped to train them as the role of dominant alpha doesn\u2019t come naturally to me. They didn\u2019t seem to want to reason with me. Despite four hours of walking a day, it wasn\u2019t enough.\u201d Chris even bought a sled for them, because huskies are bred to pull. (Take note of the sled \u2013 it will come back later in this story.)<\/p>\n

But the dogs frequently escaped, killing chickens and chasing horses. \u201cTwice they were brought home in the back of a police car. They ate my ex-girlfriend\u2019s furniture and bit through electrical and internet cables. I had to duct-tape the fridge closed, because they could open it with their noses. The final straw was when Freja started ripping the plasterboard off the wall.\u201d Now everyone could see through walls.<\/p>\n

\u201cI returned them to the breeder and wept in her arms,\u201d Chris remembers. \u201cBut she did tell me that in her 25 years of breeding huskies, she had never had two returned in such good condition and with such well-kept fur.\u201d<\/p>\n

A big breakup can often prompt people to overhaul their life \u2013 whether that\u2019s a new haircut, career change or, say, acquiring two strapping great Siberian huskies. Why is such a painful time also one of renewal? And when the dust settles, do people look back with regret?<\/p>\n

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J<\/span>oanna Harrison, a couples counsellor, former divorce lawyer and author<\/a> of Five Arguments All Couples (Need To) Have and Why The Washing-Up Matters, understands this better than most. As well as all the big stuff \u2013 children, houses, money etc \u2013 it\u2019s often the everyday things that people miss after a split. \u201cThe quietness at home, not being able to talk about the little things \u2013 people feel alone, miss company. Getting a pet may be a way not to feel so alone again. And to have a new project, a new identity. Animals are a key part of people\u2019s identity; the animal we choose might reflect an aspect of our identity that we\u2019re trying to convey.\u201d Chris just chose the wrong animal. Times two.<\/p>\n

Harrison says divorce or separation can have a profound effect on a person mentally. There\u2019s the pain, for starters. \u201cFor some, there may also be relief, but there\u2019s still something that needs mourning \u2013 the\u00a0relationship, the hopes and dreams that are no longer possible.\u201d<\/p>\n

Of course, the pain will be much greater if you didn\u2019t want the relationship to end. \u201cThere are all these different phases we know about: of grief, feelings of anger, shock,\u201d she says. \u201cI work with people who are devastated by the end of a relationship, don\u2019t know which way is up or down. They feel disoriented, lost, broken, numb.\u201d<\/p>\n

Numb is what Victoria, in Switzerland, felt when her long-term partner unexpectedly walked out. \u201cI doubted myself and everything. I was in shock, not able to feel anything \u2013 no anger, no pain, nothing,\u201d she tells me. \u201cHow could anyone feel so numb? Was I really dead inside? I decided to put it to the test, put myself into a situation I knew would provoke strong emotions to see if I would still be indifferent to life. My solution? Do something that had been on my bucket list for a long time \u2013 skydiving.\u201d<\/p>\n

And so she found herself in an aeroplane, strapped to an instructor, looking out at the mountains, but still not registering any emotions. It all changed on hearing the instruction to open the door and thinking: hang on, we\u2019re on a plane, the door shouldn\u2019t be open. After watching two other pairs jump and disappear it was Victoria\u2019s turn. \u201cI was on the edge; I closed my eyes and let myself go. The adrenaline rush was something I\u2019ve never felt in my life. I felt fireworks in my brain. Freefalling hundreds of metres above ground, I was happy, I was free. I took in the beautiful day, the wonderful landscape, my audacity to put myself through all that, the fact I was not only alive but ecstatic.\u201d<\/p>\n

After landing safely, Victoria had a grin so big it began to hurt. \u201cI wrote immediately in my journal a note to myself: \u2018This period is not going to be easy, and it will take time to feel like yourself again, but life is much more than this episode. You will heal and you will laugh and love again.\u2019 It took years to fully get over my heartbreak but, as I promised myself, I went back to who I was, eventually. Since then, I always share with anyone going through a heartbreak: have you considered skydiving?\u201d<\/p>\n

Or indeed backpacking? When Rachel\u2019s relationship of seven years came to an abrupt end, she found herself in a rut. \u201cI phoned my boss, gave my notice and began to plan,\u201d she tells me. \u201cA couple of months later, I flew out of the UK for a solo round-the-world backpacking trip, at the ripe old age of 38. The following two years, I backpacked through Asia and Australia, then visited 30 US states in a beat-up old camper van. I gained a whole new view of the world, met a wonderful girl and emigrated to Germany to start a new life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Harrison says that in virtually every relationship there are things you might like to do but, \u201cbecause of your dynamic, what works in your relationship, they don\u2019t happen\u201d. It might be intolerable, because you can\u2019t properly express yourself, and it could contribute to a relationship ending. Or it could be something to do after the relationship ends \u2013 set off round the world with a pack on your back.<\/p>\n

A geographical move, a change of scene, is something that cropped up a lot among the people I spoke to. After her breakup, Deepa travelled from the US to Europe and immediately fell in love all over again: with Prague, where she signed up for an English teaching course. Now back in the US, she admits: \u201cWe are sort of back together. But I would leave him for Prague and my own dreams all over again!\u201d<\/p>\n

Harrison says the urge to go far away is understandable. \u201cSomething possibly humiliating has happened, or you feel betrayed; maybe everything you see is going to remind you of it. It\u2019s quite human to wish to have a bit of space to lick your wounds.\u201d<\/p>\n

She does have a couple of words of warning. \u201cThe feelings will follow you. Going to the other side of the world isn\u2019t necessarily going to stop you hurting about the loss of your relationship. You might get there and feel just as awful.\u201d The old problem with any kind of travel is that you tend to bring yourself \u2013 and your baggage \u2013 along, too.<\/p>\n

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S<\/span>eparation might be an opportunity to get unstuck, says Harrison. \u201cYou can claim some of those things back that you may have let your partner do, learn a new skill or do something intrepid, and discover you\u2019re more competent in that area than you realised. It\u2019s reclaiming some identity, and that could be quite positive and exciting.\u201d<\/p>\n

When John in Belfast was, in his words, \u201cgiven the old heave-ho\u201d by a girlfriend, he decided to fill the empty space in his life, and in his room, with a synthesiser. \u201cI learned the notes, a few chords, practised scales \u2013 no longer was I going to be pigeonholed as a mere boyfriend. I had recovered from the rejection and was forging ahead with a brilliant new life and future, quickly on the way to becoming the next Jean-Michel Jarre <\/a>or Dave Greenfield<\/a> [of the Stranglers] \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

But then John met someone else. \u201cShe swept me off my feet, leaving the instrument to gather dust.\u201d<\/p>\n

It became a repeated sequence, a loop perhaps, if you\u00a0were looking for a musical analogy. \u201cI found myself\u00a0with another synth to fill the gap, but it, too, found itself in the corner as I hit the dancefloor, new\u00a0girlfriend in hand \u2026 until, inevitably, another black-and-white-keyed friend with lots of buttons and switches joined\u00a0the growing army of 1980s music\u00a0technology.\u201d<\/p>\n

You won\u2019t have seen John on Top of the Pops. \u201cI was never single long enough to program or even play them. But by the time I bought a house and tied the knot, I\u00a0had an enviable collection of synthesisers and other beats-making hardware. Today, most have gone, but I do occasionally find myself browsing vintage synthesiser listings on eBay, to keep the marriage sharp \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

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