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<\/div>I was having dinner with three of my closest friends and their husbands when someone, presumably accidentally, mentioned that oft-quoted statistic that \u2018one in three couples get divorced\u2019.<\/strong><\/p>\n Oh, how we laughed, because we didn\u2019t think it was legitimate, and because divorce seemed a risible improbability in our close-knit, happily married group.<\/p>\n Also, we\u2019d been drinking heavily.<\/p>\n Want to know something I else I used to laugh at?<\/p>\n The idea of \u2018domino divorce\u2019.<\/p>\n You have probably heard the term doing the rounds: it\u2019s the idea that divorce is \u2018contagious\u2019 and that one marital split will cause a tsunami of heartbreak in your social circle.<\/p>\n So far, so ridiculous.<\/p>\n Fast-forward a few years and the first of my friends is getting divorced, there are shock waves rippling through our group and I can\u2019t help myself shuddering at the thought that domino divorce might be a real thing after all.<\/p>\n Can a husband leave his wife just because his mate does?<\/p>\n Does a woman\u2019s new-found freedom inspire her girlfriends to run free, too?<\/p>\n Confused, and a little worried for any relationships in a five-mile radius, I decided to turn to the experts.<\/p>\n While domino divorce may sound like a faddiest of faddy hashtags \u2013 #hygge, anyone? \u2013 the difference is that it has some hefty empirical backing.<\/p>\n A study conducted by Brown University, in the US, looked at three decades of data and concluded that participants were 75% more likely<\/a> to get divorced if a friend was divorced, too.<\/p>\n It went as far as to suggest that divorce was 33% more likely if the participant knew a divorced friend of a friend.<\/p>\n This research is backed by a 2013 survey of divorced or separated men that found nearly one in four admitted to being influenced by their friends\u2019 split<\/a>.<\/p>\n It sounds pretty damning, but note, please, that the Brown study was too small to be applied nationally.<\/p>\n So it\u2019s not exactly definitive proof.<\/p>\n Emma Heptonstall is a divorce coach<\/a> and author of How To Be A Lady Who Leaves<\/a>.<\/p>\n She has numerous examples of friends encouraging each other through the divorce process.<\/p>\n \u2018I think it triggers something in women when they watch a friend get divorced,\u2019 she says.<\/p>\n \u2018I run a Facebook group and I get lots of people recommending their friends.<\/p>\n \u2018It gives other people hope because they think, if you can do it, then I can, too.\u2019<\/p>\n Leonie Harris* finally felt ready to end her ten-year marriage with the support of a close friend.<\/p>\n \u2018My friend has been divorced three times and it was she who told me it was doable,\u2019 she says.<\/p>\n \u2018I was worried that I couldn\u2019t cope on my own financially; I did work but was worried I didn\u2019t earn enough.<\/p>\n \u2018My friend reassured me, talked me through benefits I would be entitled to, and emphasised that it was just a decision I had to make.\u2019<\/p>\n Such is the fear of \u2018domino divorce\u2019 that some friendship groups will deal with it by driving the offending divorcees out of the group.<\/p>\n Safety is restored; dinner party seating stays balanced and there are no rogue singletons around to tempt your spouse.<\/p>\n \u2018<\/strong>Being the first person to say, \u201cActually I\u2019m not happy\u201d, that takes a lot of courage, because when one person wants to break away it can be massively threatening to other women in the group,\u2019 says Heptonstall.<\/p>\n \u2018You\u2019re breaking ranks and the thought is: \u201cThere\u2019s a traitor in our midst.\u201d<\/p>\n \u2018Some women will stay away from her because they don\u2019t want a single girl in the group.<\/p>\n \u2018However, others might think, \u201cActually she is doing alright \u2013 maybe there is something more, and I don\u2019t have to accept what is happening\u201d.\u2019<\/p>\n When our friends get divorced, we inevitably turn inward to check the state of our own relationship, especially if the warring couple seemed to have an outwardly happy union.<\/p>\n This can result in couples realising just how lucky they are, or finally being forced to consider some less-than-rosy issues; from here, it\u2019s up to each couple whether they choose to work them out.<\/p>\n Jackie Simons* is currently going through a divorce and, among her friends, she has noticed couples \u2018pulling back together again\u2019.<\/p>\n She says: \u2018For some of my friends, who were going through a difficult patch of their own, seeing me say \u201cenough is enough\u201d was the catalyst to come back [to each other].\u2019<\/p>\n Arguably, domino divorces might be considered a good thing: friends helping friends to find their voice; women empowering women and guiding them along a difficult path?<\/p>\n It\u2019s certainly a path no-one treads lightly; your husband may covet a divorced friend\u2019s new sports car, but divorce doesn\u2019t happen on a whim.<\/p>\n In Simon\u2019s experience, \u2018People are already leaning one way or the other; the domino divorce affects people who already feel stuck and miserable, and can\u2019t get out.<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019m not the sort of person who would be influenced by somebody else; it\u2019s more that people inspired me to believe that I could do it, that it was possible, and that I would survive.\u2019<\/p>\n Similarly, Harris felt she wouldn\u2019t have found the strength to leave without her friends\u2019 guidance: \u2018Although it was tough, it was absolutely the right thing and I thank my friend for giving me the strength to walk away.\u2019<\/p>\n Whether or not it truly exists, domino divorce may have been tarred with an unfortunate stigma.<\/p>\n Says Heptonstall: \u2018Regardless of money, social status, the women I talk to are going through the same thing. They are all scared and they don\u2019t know what to do, and they are looking for companionship from people going through it.\u2019<\/p>\n So before excusing yourself from your married mates\u2019 Whatsapp group and moving to Nova Scotia, remember that divorce can have a happy outcome, even if your marriage is not happily ever after.<\/p>\n Friends will be there long after your partner has gone.<\/p>\n And if they\u2019re got divorced before you? You\u2019ll be all the better for it.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n *Names have been changed<\/strong><\/p>\n MORE: You should never ask your friends for dating advice, and here\u2019s why<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n MORE: 12 infuriating pieces of dating \u2018advice\u2019 married people love to dish out to their single friends<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n MORE: Are these the worst ways to end a relationship ever?<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n \t\t\t\t\t<\/p><\/div>\n \u2018Til domino divorce do us part (Picture: Dave Anderson for Metro.co.uk) I was having dinner with three of my closest friends and their husbands when someone, presumably accidentally, mentioned that oft-quoted statistic that \u2018one in three couples get divorced\u2019. Oh, how we laughed, because we didn\u2019t think it was legitimate, and because divorce seemed a … <\/p>\n![](\"https:\/\/metrouk2.files.wordpress.com\/2017\/02\/155443049.jpg?quality=80&strip=all&crop=69px%2C0px%2C1114px%2C835px&resize=150%2C113&w=100&h=75\")
Can marriage save a relationship? Why couples are putting a ring on it instead of breaking up<\/span><\/a><\/p>\nBreaking down the break-up stats<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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<\/div>Ask the divorce expert<\/strong><\/h2>\n
\u2018There\u2019s a traitor in the midst\u2019<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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<\/div>Fight or flight<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Happy ever after?<\/b><\/h2>\n
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