Divorce<\/a> is unpleasant. This shouldn\u2019t come as a surprise. What is surprising part is just how many things people can do to make the experience even more unpleasant. During\u00a0\u00a0divorce proceedings<\/a>, especially when meeting with the attorney, couples, either because of stubbornness, spite, or sheer stupidity, make key errors that can lose them points with their lawyers and potentially cost them big in court.<\/p>\n \u201cThe best possible version of you is absolutely what you want to bring to the proceedings of a divorce,\u201d says James Sexton, a divorce and family lawyer and the author of If You\u2019re in My Office, It\u2019s Already Too Late.<\/a> <\/em>\u201cYou want to bring the rational side of you. You want to bring the side of you that sees the long term.\u201d To help you prepare for divorce proceedings, here are some common mistakes others have made in divorce proceedings that you should take care to avoid.<\/p>\n Once the divorce papers are signed, there\u2019s a tendency to think, \u201cI\u2019m free!\u201d and separate yourself from your ex as fast as possible. Approaching a divorce that way is shortsighted, says Sexton, as chances are this is a person who will be in your life in one way or another for good, especially when kids are involved. \u201cThe biggest mistake that people make is that they forget that this is a person that they\u2019re going to have some connection to for many years,\u201d he says. \u201cThey stay focused on what\u2019s going on in that moment and they don\u2019t think about the fact that they\u2019re going to have grandchildren with this person.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n With emotions running high, sometimes people caught up in divorce will come into their attorney\u2019s office and blow off all of the steam that has been building in the past week. This is not a wise move, as lawyers are paid by the hour, and taking up time in their office ranting about your ex will only eat into that time and end up costing you money. Keep the meetings focused to just what is happening in the divorce and save the venting for someone else. \u201cI think people can mistake their lawyer for their therapist,\u201d says Sexton, \u201cand they think that they should vent to their attorney which, very often, financially, is not a smart thing to do.\u201d<\/p>\n Depending on the circumstances of a divorce, there might be a sense of wanting to \u201cget back\u201d at your ex. Or, at the very least, get as much as you can, no matter what the consequences are for your former spouse. However, assuming that what\u2019s good for you must automatically be bad for your ex is not always true. \u201cI often tell people that divorce is like a knife fight in a closet,\u201d says Sexton. \u201cAnd your kids are in the closet, and everything you love and care about, all your material goods, are all in that closet. And you need to realize that. The Dalai Lama once said getting mad at someone is like reaching into hot coals to throw them at someone. And that\u2019s how divorces very often are. You may or may not hurt your spouse, but you\u2019ll definitely hurt yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n This might sound impossibly stupid, but it does happen. From concealing bad habits to lying about relationships and even trying to cover up financial information, people will very often try and keep information from their lawyer. \u201cThat\u2019s just silly,\u2019 says Sexton. \u201cIt\u2019s like lying to your doctor. If your doctor says \u2018Do you smoke?\u2019 and go \u2018No!\u2019 because you don\u2019t want to admit it, that\u2019s just ridiculous. Because my whole job is to protect you. Just be honest with your lawyer. There\u2019s no reason not to be.\u201d However, just as bad as lying is\u2026<\/p>\n So maybe you haven\u2019t outright lied to your divorce lawyer, but have you told them everything? Even white lies can be damaging, because it\u2019s keeping your attorney from getting the best picture of you and your marriage that he or she can. \u201cThe only thing I have to sell is advice and experience,\u201d says Sexton. \u201cIf you give me inaccurate or incomplete information, I\u2019m giving you advice about a person that doesn\u2019t exist. About a fictional character. So it make a lot of sense to be candid with your divorce lawyer.\u201d<\/p>\n Once separated, there are some people who take it as a license to party and, more damning, share the details of that party all over social media. From drunken pictures to sexual or inappropriate comments, poorly thought out social media posts can rankle your lawyer and hurt you in the courtroom. \u201cI encourage people not to do things like that,\u201d says Sexton. \u201cBut people very often don\u2019t listen. People aren\u2019t terribly sophisticated when it comes to that stuff. They just don\u2019t think it through. And so, no matter how many times you tell them, \u2018Hey, don\u2019t put this on social media, don\u2019t put pictures of yourself drinking on social media, there\u2019s nothing you can do about it. People are still going to make those kinds of mistakes.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n Divorce is unpleasant. This shouldn\u2019t come as a surprise. What is surprising part is just how many things people can do to make the experience even more unpleasant. During\u00a0\u00a0divorce proceedings, especially when meeting with the attorney, couples, either because of stubbornness, spite, or sheer stupidity, make key errors that can lose them points with their … <\/p>\nNot Thinking Ahead<\/h2>\n
Venting to Your Attorney<\/h2>\n
Thinking Only About Yourself<\/h2>\n
Lying to Your Attorney<\/h2>\n
Omitting the Whole Truth<\/h2>\n
Being Stupid on Social Media<\/h2>\n
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