{"id":50006,"date":"2018-09-25T09:55:55","date_gmt":"2018-09-25T09:55:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=50006"},"modified":"2019-04-17T17:10:40","modified_gmt":"2019-04-17T17:10:40","slug":"how-to-handle-money-with-your-ex-after-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/how-to-handle-money-with-your-ex-after-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Handle Money With Your Ex After Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"


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Disagreements about money<\/a> can put stress on a marriage<\/a> \u2014 something I learned the hard way. As my ex and I went through our divorce, though, we managed to solve our problems and come up with an amicable solution that left us both satisfied, focusing on the wellbeing of our son and giving us both a solid new start.<\/span>\u00a0<\/p>\n

However, even with custody and child support figured out, as well as issues like who\u2019d pay for my son\u2019s travel to visit his dad and whose health insurance plan our son would be covered by, we were surprised to discover that new money issues came up. We hadn\u2019t planned for everything, and with our son in high school, we find ourselves discussing money issues on a regular basis as we co-parent<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

While it\u2019s not always easy to have these conversations, it\u2019s important to maintain civility and focus on what\u2019s best for your children, said Rebecca Neale, a <\/span>family attorney practicing in Massachusetts<\/span><\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

Start with the Divorce Settlement<\/span><\/h2>\n

\u201cBefore you even get to the divorce, hire an attorney or mediator who can anticipate the things you\u2019re likely to need to pay for as your children grow,\u201d Neale said. \u201cChild support doesn\u2019t always account for things like paying for college, going to sleepaway camp, or helping kids pay for cars.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

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When possible, Neale suggests sitting down during the divorce process to get these potential expenses on paper. You might decide to split the costs 50\/50. Or perhaps you split the costs proportional to each parent\u2019s income. For instance, if one parent earns $60,000 a year while the other earns $30,000, the latter parent might pay a third of the cost of extras, and the other parent would pick up the rest of the tab. As financial situations change, having a proportional agreement, rather than a dollar amount, can help you adjust the responsibility.<\/span><\/p>\n

Obviously, it\u2019s hard to anticipate al future financial demands. My ex and I didn\u2019t think about costs due to our son\u2019s extracurricular activities, getting him a car, buying a new computer or a new smartphone. Everytime something new comes up, we have to tackle it separately, based on our past experiences and current circumstances.<\/span><\/p>\n

Decide Your Priorities<\/span><\/h2>\n

When it comes to extras, it\u2019s vital that you know your priorities. I wanted my son to have the chance to learn music, but my ex didn\u2019t think that was important. Since I was pushing for piano lessons and for him to also be able to play his choice of instrument in the school band, I assumed the full cost for these activities. <\/span><\/p>\n

Taking a similar approach can make sense if one parent is more invested in a cost than another. \u201cForcing your ex to pay for non-essential items they don\u2019t feel are priorities isn\u2019t really fair,\u201d Neale said. \u201cIf you\u2019re the parent with primary custody and you think something is very important, but your ex doesn\u2019t agree, you need to be prepared to make the major financial outlay.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Communication is Key<\/span><\/h2>\n

As with all relationships, Neale noted, good communication is key when financial issues come up in a co-parenting situation. Talk to your ex calmly and politely, and stay on task. If you\u2019ve already agreed on cost sharing in your divorce settlement, all you may need to do in many cases is remind your ex in a timely manner of their responsibility.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Things can get stickier when you don\u2019t have an agreement in writing, though. \u201cAs you talk about these issues, you really need to stay on target,\u201d Neale said. \u201cThis isn\u2019t a time to rehash old grievances or make accusations about what the other person has or hasn\u2019t paid for in the past.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

My ex and I are fortunate to be on good terms, so our discussions about cost sharing rarely become heated. Most of the time we work out what makes sense in terms of what my ex can afford on top of the child support payment he makes each month, and whether we both agree an expense is a priority that is helpful to our son\u2019s development.<\/span><\/p>\n

When to Include Your Children in Financial Decisions<\/span><\/h2>\n

\u201cWhen your children are young, they don\u2019t need to hear about these discussions,\u201d Neale said. \u201cIt\u2019s also important that you don\u2019t try to blame your ex for money problems you have. If you can\u2019t afford something, explain it in an age-appropriate manner without trying to get them angry at your co-parent.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

At some point, though, your children become old enough that they may need to take part in these discussions. \u201cThis can be a time for you to help your child learn valuable lessons about money and compromise,\u201d Neale said.<\/span><\/p>\n

When my son asked if he could get a new smartphone, I made it clear that I wasn\u2019t shelling out $700 on my own. We had a conference with his dad and came to a compromise. I would contribute part of the cost, and his dad would also contribute a portion, with the two of us covering half the cost. Our son would be responsible for the other half.<\/span><\/p>\n

We wrote up a contract based how much he could pay each month until he met his obligation, and included consequences \u2014 like my ability to repossess his phone if he fell behind in payments. We\u2019ve also made similar deals with him, requiring him to save up to purchase a monitor while my ex and I split the cost of a new computer. <\/span><\/p>\n

These money talks have helped my son understand the value of planning ahead with money, as well as learning the value of compromise when talking about family finances.<\/span><\/p>\n

What if You Can\u2019t Agree?<\/span><\/h2>\n

For smaller things you can\u2019t agree on, you might be on your own when it comes to paying. Chances are, it\u2019s not worth it to force your ex to get involved, especially if you\u2019re already struggling to get what\u2019s owed you from the divorce settlement.<\/span><\/p>\n

However, if there are big expenses vital to your children\u2019s well-being, you might have to get a lawyer and head back to court, Neale said.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s really a last resort,\u201d she said. \u201cGoing right to a lawyer first thing is just going to cost you a lot more money. You should only make that choice if your ex just won\u2019t help with anything and you need to force the issue to make sure it\u2019s taken care of.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n


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