{"id":53382,"date":"2018-11-23T17:46:31","date_gmt":"2018-11-23T17:46:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=53382"},"modified":"2019-04-17T17:10:37","modified_gmt":"2019-04-17T17:10:37","slug":"divorce-at-25-whats-it-like-when-all-your-friends-are-just-getting-engaged-but-your-marriage-is-ov","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/divorce-at-25-whats-it-like-when-all-your-friends-are-just-getting-engaged-but-your-marriage-is-ov\/","title":{"rendered":"Divorce at 25: What\u2019s it like when all your friends are just getting engaged but your marriage is ov…"},"content":{"rendered":"


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(Picture: Liberty Antonia Sadler for Metro.co.uk)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Scrolling through Facebook, you get that familiar feeling.<\/p>\n

It seems like every week, there\u2019s another engagement or wedding filling up your social media feeds.<\/p>\n

But what\u2019s it like if you\u2019ve already been there, done that and got the ring \u2013 but then it\u2019s all fallen apart?<\/p>\n

Going through divorce when you\u2019re young and most of your friends haven\u2019t even got married yet can be tough. It can lead to feelings of failure and a serious confidence knock.<\/p>\n

And there are practical concerns too \u2013 how many millennials can afford an expensive divorce lawyer?<\/p>\n

Bronni was just 21 when she got married. She met her husband in her final year of university while he was stationed at an RAF base nearby.<\/p>\n

Just months later, they were walking down the aisle.<\/p>\n

\u2018We had to decide pretty quickly if we\u2019d call it a day or take the plunge and commit,\u2019 she tells Metro.co.uk.<\/p>\n

\u2018We met in March 2014 and got married in December 2014 before he was posted to a new camp.<\/p>\n

\u2018This enabled us to have a home together and for me to move with him when I graduated.<\/p>\n

\u2018I was obviously a little wary given how much of a whirlwind our relationship had been but I really did see a future together, albeit very different from the one I\u2019d imagined for myself at such a young age.\u2019<\/p>\n

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Follow Bronni on Instagram @lifewithleo18 (Picture: Bronni\/Metro.co.uk)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

A year later, the couple discovered they were expecting their first child, but when Bronni\u2019s husband went through a bereavement, cracks started to appear.<\/p>\n

She says: \u2018He seemed to make a conscious effort to push me away. He thought that this was protecting me but I felt like I was going through a very difficult pregnancy alone.<\/p>\n

\u2018I attempted to seek help from counsellors but he didn\u2019t really seem to want to engage.<\/p>\n

\u2018It became clear to me that our priorities were very different as he chose to leave the RAF in order to spend more time as a family but he became focused on a new career and it put a massive strain on our relationship.\u2019<\/p>\n

Before their son turned one, they discovered they were expecting another baby but at their first scan, they found out that the baby had died.<\/p>\n

\u2018I found it pretty traumatic but I felt that he didn\u2019t really acknowledge it and once again shut down and seemingly acted as though it didn\u2019t happen,\u2019 she explains.<\/p>\n

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Follow Bronni on Instagram @lifewithleo18 (Picture: Bronni\/Metro.co.uk)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u2018We spent most days arguing and the atmosphere at home became very stressed and my mental health really suffered.<\/p>\n

\u2018I once again pushed for counselling but this didn\u2019t seem like an avenue that he wanted to pursue and instead he felt that a divorce was the best option for us so he filed for it in February 2018.<\/p>\n

\u2018I felt incredibly scared as the pressure to single-handedly care for our son lay solely on my shoulders.<\/p>\n

\u2018I know that in effect I\u2019d always felt like a single parent as my husband had always worked away from home so in reality it wasn\u2019t too much of a change.<\/p>\n

\u2018Once the legalities and financial aspects of our separation were sorted, I felt much more of a sense of relief and positivity.<\/p>\n

\u2018I felt better in myself than I had in months and I really started to enjoy life again and had much more motivation.<\/p>\n

\u2018I\u2019m able to be the best mother I can be now and my days are filled with doing things for our family of two, rather than having unnecessary stresses, pressure and upset to contend with.\u2019<\/p>\n

Although Bronni learnt to embrace her new life, she was worried about how others would react to her being a young divorcee \u2013 particularly as she had kept a lot of their relationship troubles hidden.<\/p>\n

\u2018Other people were shocked as I\u2019d hidden just how miserable and dysfunctional we were for some time.<\/p>\n

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(Picture: Mmuffin for Metro.co.uk)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u2018I\u2019d tried for so long to create the illusion of a perfect happy home and family but I realised that all three of our lives would be better if my husband and I separated so that was my focus rather than others\u2019 reactions,\u2019 she says.<\/p>\n

Although they had broken up, Bronni had to learn to continue to see her now ex-husband and let him into the home they had previously shared, for the sake of their young son. This included letting him stay in the house overnight and going on days out together.<\/p>\n

Now, over seven months on, she admits seeing him regularly is still difficult.<\/p>\n

\u2018We disagree over certain things and it\u2019s really hard when you\u2019re the one caring for a child 99% of the time and meeting their basic needs as obviously the other parent can sometimes be the \u2018fun\u2019 one who can buy them expensive treats and provide things that you can\u2019t,\u2019 she explains.<\/p>\n

\u2018I\u2019m giving our son all I can and I\u2019m giving him a happy, stable and fulfilled life so I need to keep reminding myself of that when certain aspects of \u2018co-parenting\u2019 upset me.\u2019<\/p>\n

Even when children aren\u2019t involved, going through a divorce is not straightforward for other people.<\/p>\n

Suaad was 25 when she got married in May 2017 but ended up asking for a divorce in November 2017.<\/p>\n

She had been with her partner for two years before their wedding day, which she said was a lovely day.<\/p>\n

But just a few months after walking down the aisle the couple started to argue.<\/p>\n

\u2018Before the wedding, everything was good and I didn\u2019t have any doubts. The day itself was stressful but I really enjoyed it,\u2019 Suaad tells Metro.co.uk.<\/p>\n

\u2018For the first few months, it was fine but by the end of September, things were getting rocky. I started to realise it wasn\u2019t the right choice. I tried to make it work but by November, I just felt like I couldn\u2019t do it anymore. It was a buildup of things and it was getting worse and worse.\u2019<\/p>\n

In November, just six months after their wedding, Suaad asked her husband for a divorce and moved out.<\/p>\n

\u2018When it came to asking for a divorce, there was a sense of relief. I was just glad that terrible time was coming to an end.<\/p>\n

\u2018I spoke to my parents before I mentioned it to him and they said they would support me no matter what. Neither of us were happy so I felt there was no point continuing,\u2019 she says.<\/p>\n

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(Picture: Getty Images\/Rubberball)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

But living as a Muslim, Suaad admits that she faced judgement from her community.<\/p>\n

She says: \u2018When I said I was getting divorced, everyone suddenly had an opinion about what I should have to do.<\/p>\n

\u2018People were quite judgmental \u2013 it wasn\u2019t my family \u2013 but I felt like people in my community were.<\/p>\n

\u2018They were saying things about how I wouldn\u2019t be able to get remarried because people wouldn\u2019t want to marry someone who has been married before. It comes with a stigma \u2013 like I\u2019m not \u2018pure\u2019 anymore.<\/p>\n

\u2018It was ok though \u2013 my happiness was more important. I felt like even if it meant I would never remarry, I would rather be happy.<\/p>\n

\u2018Rather than making everyone else happy, I have to put myself first.\u2019<\/p>\n

A year on from separating from her husband, Suaad is trying to move on.<\/p>\n

\u2018I wouldn\u2019t say I never want to get married again \u2013 just because I had a bad experience doesn\u2019t mean the whole thing is terrible, but I am wary of people and relationships.<\/p>\n

\u2018I\u2019m not looking for anything but maybe someday, if I did meet someone, I wouldn\u2019t be against getting married again.<\/p>\n

\u2018Right now I am focusing on my life and my career,\u2019 she said.<\/p>\n

Getting over a divorce or breakup at any age is not easy but Simone Bose, a counsellor with Relate<\/a>, has some advice for what to do, particularly if you are young.<\/p>\n

\u2018Whether you are young or old, the situation is very similar. There is a feeling of failure that it didn\u2019t work out but you can learn from the experience and have positive relationships in the future,\u2019 she tells Metro.co.uk.<\/p>\n

\u2018Young people sometimes feel like time is running out. I do think it is worth seeing a counsellor to start to develop a different narrative around your experience. Sometimes you end a relationship and you don\u2019t fully understand what happened.<\/p>\n

\u2018I have seen quite a lot of young people who have just got divorced and I think they feel that they haven\u2019t developed themselves an an individual because they married young. Your twenties are important years to develop who you are and what you do.<\/p>\n

\u2018When the relationship ends, you might feel like you missed out on things. You should start to explore yourself again and start to build your own self-worth as an individual.<\/p>\n