Divorces can be messy, and the process of getting one is often the most painful part of the entire ordeal. Here\u2019s how to handle it right<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n Making the decision to end your marriage, an institution that is often associated with words like permanence and eternity, is one of the most challenging situations you will face in your entire life. Navi Mumbai-based psychiatrist Dr. Nahid Dave says, \u201cThe process of obtaining a divorce is long, often messy and quite gruesome. Things like meeting your spouse to go over the formalities, talking about painful aspects of the relationship and the anticipation of finally getting through the formalities so that you can make a fresh start can lead to a lot of anxiety and sometimes, depression. Getting through this period in a positive, constructive state of mind is especially important to be able to make a fresh start.\u201d Dr Shefali Batra, a psychiatrist and relationship cognitive therapist adds, \u201cDivorce brings an end to several hopes, plans, dreams, support, finances, status and even families and friends.\u201d<\/p>\n Ask the Right Questions<\/strong><\/p>\n Sandhya Mathur, an empowerment coach, says, \u201cThe emotions and suffering leading to the decision to separate is where the initial turmoil takes place.\u201d This period of realising that a relationship is not working can be hard to deal with. Mathur adds, \u201cOften, the reasons cited for divorce are really the symptoms. People are unable to communicate and express their thoughts and feelings due to a lack of awareness about their own emotions.\u201d<\/p>\n Try self-affirmations<\/strong><\/p>\n Self-affirmations are important. And yet, amidst all the chaos and emotional turmoil that accompanies a divorce, it can be easy to neglect this. Neha Kala, an entrepreneur shares, \u201cThe Indian society still does not support a woman to take the decision of filing for divorce. Although my family was by my side, they were unable to give me the support I needed during the time. I was faced with immediate financial constraints, but since the divorce was my decision, the onus was on me to deal with my situation. I also found myself withdrawing from my immediate social circle \u2014 many former friends would avoid me once they learned that I was getting divorced. The strain of dealing with these aspects began to affect me \u2014 I was always tired and soon began to suffer from depression.\u201d<\/p>\n Saaranya Shetty, a corporate communications professional adds, \u201cAlthough I knew that I did the right thing, there were times when I wondered how my life would turn out post my divorce. My father was my rock of support and stood by me. Although I could confide in my family, eventually it became harder to open up to them. I avoided friends since I didn\u2019t want to answer their questions.\u201d<\/p>\n Mindfulness exercises<\/strong><\/p>\n Mindfulness is described as being intensely aware of what your body and mind are sensing and feeling at every moment. It helps you to cope with the emotional stress of spending too much time planning, problem- solving or thinking negative, as people going through a divorce tend to do.<\/p>\n Divorce journal<\/strong>: Self-care can be difficult when your emotions are bottled up. Maintaining a private journal helps express these emotions. Saaranya says, \u201cJotting down what I was going through really helped. I did that for a month or two until I was finally at peace.\u201d<\/p>\n Diet and exercise<\/strong>: Being emotionally distressed takes an immediate toll on your diet and exercise habits. Many cope with emotional stress by either eating too much or too little. Eating planned meals establishes a sense of routine and comfort, while a regular influx of nutrients can help to calm mental anxiety and ease depression. Establishing an exercise schedule gives you a productive outlet to channel your pent-up frustrations. Exercise also releases endorphins \u2014 hormones that interact with neural receptors in your brain and reduce your perception of pain. They also trigger a \u2018feel good\u2019 effect in your body, giving you a positive, refreshing outlook on life.<\/p>\n Opt for group activities<\/strong>: \u201cIn a city like Mumbai, there are several ways to get active and to simultaneously meet new people. A quick search online reveals numerous interest groups and clubs for activities such as hiking, swimming, biking and adventure sports,\u201d says Dr Dave, adding, \u201cYour family or friends may not give you the kind of support or encouragement you need. Engaging with new people through group activities gives you an opportunity to cultivate new friendships and create your own support system to fall back on.\u201d While Saaranya took to Buddhism classes and discovered her inner dancer, Neha found that setting up an NGO for women suffering from domestic abuse was one of the best decisions she could take during this period. \u201cI believe that while it may be difficult to keep yourself happy during a divorce, you can at least try to stay positive. Helping others overcome challenges proved cathartic for me.\u201d<\/p>\n New beginning: <\/strong>When friends and family fail to extend the kind of support you need, you can seek the expertise of a professional. \u201cCounselling can help by building a higher self-concept, helping people to adjust better, promotes adaptive coping and empowers people to get back on track faster,\u201d advises Dr Batra. Psychologist Nandita Sarma adds, \u201cThrough counselling, we help people to acknowledge that divorce helps us to grow as an individual.\u201d<\/p>\n Treating yourself is your greatest priority \u2014 by undertaking these small but significant steps \u2014 can help you to cope with the enormous changes that divorce brings to your lifestyle. And in doing so, it empowers you to throw open the doors to a happier, brighter tomorrow.<\/p>\n \u2588 Your family or friends may not give you the support you need. Engage with new people through group activities to cultivate new friendships<\/p>\n \u2014 Dr Nahid Dave<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n By: Anandita Paul Divorces can be messy, and the process of getting one is often the most painful part of the entire ordeal. Here\u2019s how to handle it right Making the decision to end your marriage, an institution that is often associated with words like permanence and eternity, is one of the most challenging situations … <\/p>\n
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