{"id":66064,"date":"2019-03-07T17:02:05","date_gmt":"2019-03-07T17:02:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=66064"},"modified":"2019-04-17T17:09:40","modified_gmt":"2019-04-17T17:09:40","slug":"7-things-to-remember-when-youre-feeling-scared-of-life-after-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/7-things-to-remember-when-youre-feeling-scared-of-life-after-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"7 Things to Remember When You\u2019re Feeling Scared of Life After Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div itemprop=\"text\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"600\" height=\"315\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODdhAQABAPAAAP\/\/\/wAAACwAAAAAAQABAEACAkQBADs=\" data-lazy-src=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/shutterstock_428020015.jpg\" class=\"attachment-post-image size-post-image wp-post-image\" alt=\"\" data-lazy-srcset=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/shutterstock_428020015.jpg 600w, https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/shutterstock_428020015-300x158.jpg 300w\" data-lazy-sizes=\"(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\"\/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"600\" height=\"315\" src=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/shutterstock_428020015.jpg\" class=\"attachment-post-image size-post-image wp-post-image\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/shutterstock_428020015.jpg 600w, https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/shutterstock_428020015-300x158.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\"\/><\/noscript><\/p>\n<h4 id=\"pressboard-ad-sponsorship-tag\" style=\"margin-bottom: 35px;\"\/>\n<p>\u2014<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/author\/karen-finn\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-275032 size-full\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODdhAQABAPAAAP\/\/\/wAAACwAAAAAAQABAEACAkQBADs=\" data-lazy-src=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/Dr-Karen-Finn.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"181\" height=\"152\"\/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-275032 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/Dr-Karen-Finn.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"181\" height=\"152\"\/><\/noscript><\/a><\/p>\n<p>When the Kansas tornado picked up Dorothy\u2019s house and whisked it off to Munchkinland, she was naturally afraid. Feeling scared of life after divorce isn\u2019t much different, really.<\/p>\n<p>Marriage, with all its imperfections and frustrations, is the thing you \u201cknow.\u201d Or at least you think you do. It\u2019s the \u201cAuntie Em,\u201d the point on your compass that you at least recognize. And familiarity is comforting \u2014 even, ironically, when it\u2019s uncomfortable.<\/p>\n<p>Whether or not you wanted to end your marriage, divorce represents the tornado that can wipe out your dreams in one pass. Even if you see it coming, it doesn\u2019t tell you where it\u2019s going to drop you. Or how hard.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s only natural to feel scared of life after divorce. To fear being alone. To worry about your kids. To worry about finances. To dread attorneys, courts and fees. To feel angry, hurt, robbed.<\/p>\n<p>The post-divorce rubble can leave you scrambling to find even one thing that represents home and happiness to you. Friendships and family ties get weird, and some disappear altogether. Money is a major issue, and often there is no retirement in place to even cushion your future.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>And underneath all the obvious concerns is the fear that you will be alone, invisible and unloved forever.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Divorce, like a tornado raging through the plains during harvest season, messes up all your plans. And now it\u2019s up to you to make all the decisions for your own life. Who <em>wouldn\u2019t<\/em> be scared of life after divorce?<\/p>\n<p>The problem with fear, however, is that more often than not it wears the black cape. It\u2019s the bad guy, the dreaded antagonist to surviving, let alone thriving.<\/p>\n<p>When perceived that way, <a href=\"https:\/\/drkarenfinn.com\/divorce-blog\/dealing-with-grief\/345-i-became-my-own-divorce-superhero-and-rescued-myself-from-fear\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">fear prevents healing, robs you of your self-esteem, and keeps you from moving forward<\/a>. Your personal demons rise up and put fear in charge of everything.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>What if you could feel scared of life after divorce, but shift the power of fear in your life so that you can move forward? What if you could demand of fear its many gifts in exchange for the chaos it has created and the ways it tests you?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><em>What if you could replace your fear of the unknown with curiosity?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Not to be hyper-metaphorical, but think about what happened when Dorothy and Toto were dropped in Munchkinland. \u201cI don\u2019t think we\u2019re in Kansas anymore\u201d packs more wallop than just a famed movie line.<\/p>\n<p>Suddenly the movie went from black-and-white to Technicolor \u2014 a big move for those days. And little gremlin-sounding, elf-looking people came out of the corners, and a good witch came out of nowhere.<\/p>\n<p>Fear was everywhere. But so was possibility. And adventure. And hope. And from that first step from the center of the spiraling yellow-brick road, Dorothy\u2019s journey into the unknown began.<\/p>\n<p>From shades of gray to full color, Dorothy had given curiosity and hope authority over fear. Yes, they traveled together, but fear now played a serving role.<\/p>\n<p>And so it is when you are scared of life after divorce. Being uprooted and dropped into the unknown is unsettling, frightening, exhausting. But you can choose to take a new perspective that leads with curiosity about what your new life has in store for you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Here are 7 things to remember when you\u2019re feeling scared of life after divorce.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>1. You won\u2019t be alone forever. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Fear of being alone, when you are still in the early aftermath of divorce, is really a messenger. It\u2019s natural and healthy to long for the kind of connection you once had in your marriage. But your priority is now about finding \u2014 rediscovering \u2014 <em>you. <\/em><\/p>\n<p>Could you squelch that discomfort by rushing into a relationship just to fill your needs in the moment? Sure. But would it serve your healing process and bring you the kind of relationship you truly want? Definitely not.<\/p>\n<p><strong>2. Your kids will express their own distress according to their age and maturity. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>You won\u2019t be the only one feeling scared of life after divorce. If you are a parent, your children will also feel completely dropped into the unknown. Unlike you, however, they are powerless to make any of the choices about their family staying together.<\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019t be alarmed by their outbursts or changes in emotions or behaviors. But do be fully present to their feelings, validating them and giving them access to the professional help that can help them adapt.<\/p>\n<p><strong>3. Your social circle will change. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Divorce has a way of making friends and family take sides, or at least choose an alliance. Don\u2019t take it personally. You may lose relationships with in-laws and certain married friends who simply don\u2019t know how to be friends outside of \u201ccouples.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But you will be amazed at the people who show up to fill the void. Some of them will have been there all along, but they will suddenly become a harbor in the storm. And in this way, they\u2019ll demonstrate for you that, even in the midst of change, you can still have a sense of home.<\/p>\n<p><strong>4. You can\u2019t predict the future, but you can plan for it. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>It doesn\u2019t matter <a href=\"https:\/\/www.cdc.gov\/nchs\/fastats\/marriage-divorce.htm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">how many thousands of couples divorce every year.<\/a> You will still feel like the only one. And you will naturally fear the worst and make dramatic assumptions about the outlook for your future.<\/p>\n<p>Give yourself just a moment to embrace one undeniable truth: <em>No one can predict the future. <\/em>Life can turn on a dime for the better as easily as it can for the worse.<\/p>\n<p>You can, however, plan for your future. You can set goals and have visions for how you want your life to look. And by taking baby steps to get there, you can make adjustments as needed, knowing that you are always moving in the right direction.<\/p>\n<p><strong>5. Fear is begging you to know yourself\u2026because you\u2019re worth it. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We all had that one teacher that we dreaded. The one who caught every mistake, assigned homework over holidays, and expected nothing but the best of his\/her students.<\/p>\n<p>Usually, that teacher was the one we silently thanked in our hearts as we entered college or our careers.<\/p>\n<p>Fear, too, is a teacher. It knows where your landmines are buried, and it wants you to uncover them. If you can brave the journey into the origin of your fears, you can conquer them. And then you can stop tiptoeing around your life.<\/p>\n<p><strong>6. Overcoming fear is immensely empowering. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Every time you tackle something that frightens you, you gain confidence. And with confidence, you take more \u2014 and bigger \u2014 steps into the life you want. You even gain confidence in your ability to handle bigger fears, knowing that <em>you <\/em>are the one in charge.<\/p>\n<p><strong>7. You\u2019re going to be alright! <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Remember, even though you feel scared of life after divorce, <em>you are not alone!<\/em> Millions of people have been \u201cair-dropped\u201d by divorce \u2014 some into places far less colorful than Munchkinland.<\/p>\n<p>By accepting your fears as a natural part of your experience, and then facing them head-on, you will emerge a much stronger person.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s important to hold close in your heart the unique nature of the person you are and the relationship you are now divorced from. Nothing was for naught.<\/p>\n<p>Just as your marriage was in your life to teach you important lessons, <em>so is your divorce. <\/em>In the end, it all comes down to a choice\u2026and an awareness that you\u2019ve always had the ruby slippers to get you home.<\/p>\n<p>You can find more tips on healing after a divorce or break-up <a href=\"https:\/\/drkarenfinn.com\/divorce-blog\/healing-after-divorce\/493-7-things-you-must-know-about-healing-after-a-divorce-or-breakup\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">here.<\/a><br \/>\u2014<\/p>\n<h4><em>If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please <i><a href=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/registration\/?discount=lbkr\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">join like-minded individuals in The Good Men Project Premium Community.<\/a><\/i><\/em><\/h4>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">\u25ca\u2666\u25ca<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/registration\/?discount=lbkr\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-218022 noopener\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-218022 size-full aligncenter\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODdhAQABAPAAAP\/\/\/wAAACwAAAAAAQABAEACAkQBADs=\" data-lazy-src=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/better-world.png\" alt=\"better world\" width=\"520\" height=\"124\" data-lazy-srcset=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/better-world.png 588w, https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/better-world-300x71.png 300w\" data-lazy-sizes=\"(max-width: 520px) 100vw, 520px\"\/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-218022 size-full aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/better-world.png\" alt=\"better world\" width=\"520\" height=\"124\" srcset=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/better-world.png 588w, https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/better-world-300x71.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 520px) 100vw, 520px\"\/><\/noscript><\/a><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">\u25ca\u2666\u25ca<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.leadpages.co\/leadbox\/14744f173f72a2%3A1344ef5baf46dc\/5759180434571264\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><i>Get the best stories from The Good Men Project delivered straight to your inbox, here.<\/i><\/b><\/a><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">\u25ca\u2666\u25ca<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.submittable.com\/submit\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-224143 size-full\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODdhAQABAPAAAP\/\/\/wAAACwAAAAAAQABAEACAkQBADs=\" data-lazy-src=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/submit-to-Good-Men-Project-e1468797548214.png\" alt=\"submit to Good Men Project\" width=\"520\" height=\"121\" data-lazy-srcset=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/submit-to-Good-Men-Project-e1468797548214.png 520w, https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/submit-to-Good-Men-Project-e1468797548214-300x70.png 300w\" data-lazy-sizes=\"(max-width: 520px) 100vw, 520px\"\/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-224143 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/submit-to-Good-Men-Project-e1468797548214.png\" alt=\"submit to Good Men Project\" width=\"520\" height=\"121\" srcset=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/submit-to-Good-Men-Project-e1468797548214.png 520w, https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/submit-to-Good-Men-Project-e1468797548214-300x70.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 520px) 100vw, 520px\"\/><\/noscript><\/a><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">\u25ca\u2666\u25ca<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333399;\"><em><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.leadpages.co\/writers-prompt-sign-up\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Sign up for our Writing Prompts email to receive writing inspiration in your inbox twice per week.<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">\u2666\u25ca\u2666<\/p>\n<p><em>We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Photo: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shutterstock.com\/image-photo\/profile-portrait-longing-woman-looking-outdoors-428020015?src=X48jdN0s44_yPOHaJoV_OA-1-24\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Shutterstock<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p><br \/>\n<br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.bing.com\/news\/apiclick.aspx?ref=FexRss&#038;aid=&#038;tid=979AFC83B3184E92AAE909D81C79BAA5&#038;url=https%3A%2F%2Fgoodmenproject.com%2Fdivorce%2F7-things-to-remember-when-youre-feeling-scared-of-life-after-divorce-kfnn-cmtt%2F&#038;c=2950918282165333097&#038;mkt=en-gb\">Source link <\/a><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/contact-us\/\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer-300x100.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"200\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-14\" srcset=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer-300x100.png 300w, https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer-150x50.png 150w, https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer.png 600w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n<center><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.google.com\/maps\/d\/u\/1\/embed?mid=1w4tN9mf5kVdBXUXTq2KvwE23NmpUzEna\" width=\"640\" height=\"480\"><\/iframe><br \/>\n<\/center><br \/>\n<center><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/calendar.google.com\/calendar\/embed?src=sc635csnrm8h9s9lq0cad6vkss@group.calendar.google.com\" style=\"border:0px #ffffff none;\" name=\"myiFrame\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"1\" marginheight=\"0px\" marginwidth=\"0px\" height=\"3px\" width=\"600px\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/center><br \/>\n<center><\/p>\n<div itemscope itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/LocalBusiness\">\n<div itemprop=\"image\" itemscope itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/ImageObject\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.dominiclevent.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/Business_Solicitors_London.jpg\" width=\"600\" itemprop=\"url\"><\/div>\n<p><\/br><\/p>\n<div itemprop=\"name\">Dominic Levent Solicitors<\/div>\n<div>Email: <span itemprop=\"email\">Enquiries@dominiclevent.com<\/span><\/div>\n<div>Phone: <span itemprop=\"telephone\">020 8347 6640<\/span><\/div>\n<div>Url: <span itemprop=\"url\">https:\/\/www.dominiclevent.com<\/span><\/div>\n<div itemprop=\"paymentAccepted\"  style='display: none' >cash, check, credit card, invoice<\/div>\n<p>\t<meta itemprop=\"openingHours\"  style='display: none'  datetime=\"Mo,Tu,We,Th,Fr 09:30-17:30\" \/><\/p>\n<div itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/GeoCoordinates\" itemscope=\"\" itemprop=\"geo\">\n\t\t<meta itemprop=\"latitude\" content=\"51.632223\" \/><br \/>\n\t\t<meta itemprop=\"longitude\" content=\"0.1781417\" \/>\n\t<\/div>\n<div itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/PostalAddress\" itemscope=\"\" itemprop=\"address\">\n<div itemprop=\"streetAddress\">1345 High Rd<\/div>\n<div><span itemprop=\"addressLocality\">London<\/span>, <span itemprop=\"addressRegion\">London<\/span> <span itemprop=\"postalCode\">N20 9HR<\/span><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><\/center><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u2014 When the Kansas tornado picked up Dorothy\u2019s house and whisked it off to Munchkinland, she was naturally afraid. Feeling scared of life after divorce isn\u2019t much different, really. Marriage, with all its imperfections and frustrations, is the thing you \u201cknow.\u201d Or at least you think you do. It\u2019s the \u201cAuntie Em,\u201d the point on &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/7-things-to-remember-when-youre-feeling-scared-of-life-after-divorce\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;7 Things to Remember When You\u2019re Feeling Scared of Life After Divorce&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-66064","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","entry"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>7 Things to Remember When You\u2019re Feeling Scared of Life After Divorce - Dominic Levent Solicitors Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/7-things-to-remember-when-youre-feeling-scared-of-life-after-divorce\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"7 Things to Remember When You\u2019re Feeling Scared of Life After Divorce - Dominic Levent Solicitors Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u2014 When the Kansas tornado picked up Dorothy\u2019s house and whisked it off to Munchkinland, she was naturally afraid. Feeling scared of life after divorce isn\u2019t much different, really. Marriage, with all its imperfections and frustrations, is the thing you \u201cknow.\u201d Or at least you think you do. 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