If your legal union isn\u2019t going well \u2014 you\u2019re fighting, you\u2019ve grown apart, or you\u2019re just plain unhappy \u2014 you may be considering ending your marriage<\/a>. If divorce is even a remote option<\/a>, you should meet with a divorce lawyer<\/a><\/u> as soon as possible to make sure that you\u2019re prepared and protected. \u201cIdeally, when marital difficulties arise, even prior to separation, it is prudent to consult with a divorce lawyer,\u201d Rebecca A. Provder<\/a><\/u>, a partner with the New York law firm Moses & Singer<\/a><\/u>, tells Refinery29. Meeting with a divorce lawyer<\/a><\/u> doesn\u2019t necessarily mean that you\u2019re going to divorce \u2014 it means that you want to be informed about your options, just in case.<\/p>\n There are a few reasons to meet with a divorce lawyer<\/a> early. First, \u201cthere’s no one-size-fits-all approach to a divorce,\u201d Provder says. A lawyer can walk you through the different options when it comes to the divorce process<\/a>, including mediation, collaborative law, negotiated settlements, and litigation. If you have children, you\u2019ll want to know about custody options<\/a><\/u> as soon as possible. If you separate or divorce, you\u2019re going to want to have a co-parenting plan in place<\/a><\/u>.<\/p>\n If you begin working out informal custody plans<\/a> and separating your belongings without talking to a lawyer first, that could have unexpected legal effects. \u201cThe status quo and informal agreements tend to have far-reaching implications,\u201d Provder says. \u201cSo it is highly preferable to consult with a divorce professional as soon as possible.\u201d<\/p>\n Provder adds that meeting with a divorce lawyer can be empowering. Even if you decide not to go ahead with a divorce, being informed about your options and knowing how the process works<\/a> can give you peace of mind.<\/p>\n So, you\u2019ve decided to schedule a meeting with a divorce lawyer \u2014 what next? First, find out how much it costs<\/a>. Ask if there\u2019s a price for the initial consultation, and inquire about the lawyer\u2019s hourly rate and retainer fee so you know if their services falls within in your budget. Next, prepare: if you have a prenup<\/a>, or if you were served with a divorce summons or any other papers, bring those to the meeting. Statements showing net worth and recent tax returns are also useful. \u201cThis first meeting is a major step and can be highly emotional. Therefore, it may be helpful to prepare a one page summary of important dates and background facts to concisely relay your family situation,\u201d Provder says. And keep in mind that if you\u2019re not sure what to bring to the consultation, you can simply ask.<\/p>\n It’s often not a good idea to tell your spouse that you\u2019re meeting with a divorce lawyer, though \u201cit varies from family to family,\u201d Provder says. If you\u2019re still just considering divorce, silence is generally the best option. If you are concerned about your safety or access to finances<\/a>, you should also stay silent. However, if both spouses are \u201con the same page and want to move forward with a divorce,\u201d full transparency may work.<\/p>\n Even if you do decide to tell your spouse that you\u2019re meeting with a divorce attorney, \u201ca couple should not jointly consult with a divorce lawyer because of conflicting interests,\u201d Provder explains. \u201cIt is important to relay and receive candid information, which would be potentially jeopardized by a joint meeting.\u201d There is one big exception: if the lawyer is functioning as a mediator<\/a>, someone you and your both jointly hire to help you facilitate your divorce without going to court.<\/p>\n While you are experiencing marital difficulties<\/a>, you do not want to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. \u201cDo not underestimate your spouse,\u201d Provder says. \u201cIn rocky times, your spouse may meet with a lawyer without your knowledge. The consultation can give an upper hand, so is important that you protect yourself and seek legal advice.\u201d Meeting with a divorce lawyer does not mean that you\u2019re committed to divorcing \u2014 many people have met with a divorce lawyer and ultimately stayed with their spouse. But if a divorce or separation does end up happening, the information you learn at this consultation will help you be prepared.<\/p>\n Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?<\/strong><\/p>\n Make Your Anniversary One You\u2019ll Never Forget With These Date Ideas<\/a><\/p>\n What Your Pre-Wedding Jitters Are Trying To Tell You<\/a><\/p>\n Winter Is Coming<\/em>: Sex Toys For All You Game Of Thrones Fans<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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