{"id":77457,"date":"2019-06-13T13:01:26","date_gmt":"2019-06-13T13:01:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=77457"},"modified":"2019-06-22T08:00:40","modified_gmt":"2019-06-22T08:00:40","slug":"dont-let-post-divorce-anger-keep-you-paralyzedno-its-not-derailing-your-recovery-its-the-good","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/dont-let-post-divorce-anger-keep-you-paralyzedno-its-not-derailing-your-recovery-its-the-good\/","title":{"rendered":"Don&#8217;t Let Post-Divorce Anger Keep You ParalyzedNo, it&#8217;s not derailing your recovery. It&#8217;s &#8211; The Good&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"600\" height=\"315\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml,%3Csvg%20xmlns='http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg'%20viewBox='0%200%20600%20315'%3E%3C\/svg%3E\" class=\"attachment-post-image size-post-image wp-post-image\" alt=\"\" data-lazy-srcset=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/divorce-anger.jpg 600w, https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/divorce-anger-300x158.jpg 300w\" data-lazy-sizes=\"(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" data-lazy-src=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/divorce-anger.jpg\"\/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"600\" height=\"315\" src=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/divorce-anger.jpg\" class=\"attachment-post-image size-post-image wp-post-image\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/divorce-anger.jpg 600w, https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/divorce-anger-300x158.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\"\/><\/noscript><\/p>\n<h4 id=\"pressboard-ad-sponsorship-tag\" style=\"margin-bottom: 35px;\"\/>\n<p>Hey, has this ever happened to you?<\/p>\n<p>It may have been months since your divorce ended, and you thought you were doing okay.<\/p>\n<p>You were picking yourself up financially, making your home your own, and trying some new activities and were feeling pretty good about yourself.<\/p>\n<p><strong>But then it hits you and won\u2019t leave.\u00a0 That anger\u2013that pure rage once you look back and realize just how awful your ex treated you<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>The time you found the messages from another person on their cell phone.<\/p>\n<p>Or when you wanted to see your kids, but she kept them from you.<\/p>\n<p>The list could go on and on. Each memory making you see a deeper shade of red, wondering why you didn\u2019t see the signs\u2013why you didn\u2019t leave.<\/p>\n<p><strong>And it\u2019s that feeling of <\/strong><a href=\"http:\/\/survivingyoursplit.com\/unfair-divorce\"><strong>unfairness<\/strong><\/a><strong> and injustice that can make you feel blind and keep you from moving on.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s called anger, my friends. And it\u2019s appearing now because you\u2019re getting stronger.<\/p>\n<p>These feelings of rage are coming because you\u2019re healing. You\u2019re moving on from the divorce and you\u2019re getting stronger. But during that process, the present, more confident you has a new set of eyes that\u2019s looking back on the past you.<\/p>\n<p>The stronger, more confident you is bearing witness to all the disrespect and mistreatment the past you endured and she wants justice, dammit.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBut why now? I feel like this is completely derailing my recovery!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Think of <a href=\"http:\/\/survivingyoursplit.com\/divorce-coaching\/divorce-coaching-package\">your recovery<\/a> in a couple of steps. The first step was when you were getting mistreated by your spouse, but you may have blamed yourself or you may have normalized it, thinking it was somehow just how your marriage was.<\/p>\n<p>The next step is where you are now: you realized that the marriage as no longer healthy for you, and you are either in the process of divorce, or you are finished with the divorce and are working hard to move on.<\/p>\n<p>So, the anger gap is actually the delta between those two parts. It is you now realizing that:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Getting treated like crap was NOT okay.<\/li>\n<li>You deserved better than getting treated like crap.<\/li>\n<li>You are now frustrated because you can\u2019t go back in time to change the fact that you were treated like crap.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>And it\u2019s this frustration that you\u2019re feeling now? That feeling is the Anger. The anger is directed in a couple of places:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>It\u2019s at your ex, because she treated you poorly.<\/li>\n<li>It\u2019s at your ex, because they will most likely not apologize and truly regret how they treated you.<\/li>\n<li>It\u2019s at yourself, because you\u2019re now kicking yourself that you let it go on for so long.<\/li>\n<li>What a mess. It\u2019s no wonder why you\u2019re feeling stuck and not sure what to do.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>But do you see the commonality with all these things?<\/p>\n<p><strong>They are all things you cannot control. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>You can\u2019t go back in time and get your ex to treat you better. It\u2019s as simple as that. No excuses.<\/p>\n<p>You can\u2019t \u201cmake\u201d your ex apologize. You cannot \u201cmake\u201d them suffer or feel bad for all the things they did. Trying to go back and dissect \u201cwhat should I have done differently?\u201d or blaming yourself for not standing up to your ex, or not realizing his toxic behavior only keeps you from moving on now.<\/p>\n<p>So now what?<\/p>\n<p>Redirect your anger to something productive and healing for you.<\/p>\n<p>No, I don\u2019t mean you have to pick a bunch of flowers in the meadow and make a vision board if you don\u2019t want to.<\/p>\n<p>Hell, I\u2019m not even saying forgive them right now.<\/p>\n<p>But what I am saying, friends, is to channel that anger you feel into something that can help you move on with your life. I call this the PPF Model\u2014short for Past Present Future.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Past: What lessons can I learn from this anger?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Present: What can I do NOW to turn this anger into something good? <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Future: What will I do in the future to protect myself from this toxic BS?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s not easy to just \u201clet go\u201d of all the memories that are pissing you off right now. But you can\u2019t let them keep you stuck in rut and unable to move on with your life. Right now, you have a choice. You can choose to stay stuck in a rut, paralyzed by a past you can\u2019t change. Or you can learn from the past and let that anger remind you that you deserve better. And you\u2019re the work it\u2019s going to take to move on.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/registration\/?discount=lbkr\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-218022 noopener noreferrer\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-218022 size-full aligncenter\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml,%3Csvg%20xmlns='http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg'%20viewBox='0%200%20520%20124'%3E%3C\/svg%3E\" alt=\"better world\" width=\"520\" height=\"124\" data-lazy-srcset=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/better-world.png 588w, https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/better-world-300x71.png 300w\" data-lazy-sizes=\"(max-width: 520px) 100vw, 520px\" data-lazy-src=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/better-world.png\"\/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-218022 size-full aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/better-world.png\" alt=\"better world\" width=\"520\" height=\"124\" srcset=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/better-world.png 588w, https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/better-world-300x71.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 520px) 100vw, 520px\"\/><\/noscript><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Photo: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.istockphoto.com\/photo\/young-man-throwing-a-punch-gm970074948-264331342\">iStock<\/a><\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p><br \/>\n<br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/goodmenproject.com\/divorce\/dont-let-post-divorce-anger-keep-you-paralyzed-dg\/\">Source link <\/a><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/contact-us\/\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer-300x100.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"200\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-14\" srcset=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer-300x100.png 300w, https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer-150x50.png 150w, https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer.png 600w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n<center><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.google.com\/maps\/d\/u\/1\/embed?mid=1w4tN9mf5kVdBXUXTq2KvwE23NmpUzEna\" width=\"640\" height=\"480\"><\/iframe><br \/>\n<\/center><br \/>\n<center><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/calendar.google.com\/calendar\/embed?src=sc635csnrm8h9s9lq0cad6vkss@group.calendar.google.com\" style=\"border:0px #ffffff none;\" name=\"myiFrame\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"1\" marginheight=\"0px\" marginwidth=\"0px\" height=\"3px\" width=\"600px\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/center><br \/>\n<center><\/p>\n<div itemscope itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/LocalBusiness\">\n<div itemprop=\"image\" itemscope itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/ImageObject\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.dominiclevent.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/Business_Solicitors_London.jpg\" width=\"600\" itemprop=\"url\"><\/div>\n<p><\/br><\/p>\n<div itemprop=\"name\">Dominic Levent Solicitors<\/div>\n<div>Email: <span itemprop=\"email\">Enquiries@dominiclevent.com<\/span><\/div>\n<div>Phone: <span itemprop=\"telephone\">020 8347 6640<\/span><\/div>\n<div>Url: <span itemprop=\"url\">https:\/\/www.dominiclevent.com<\/span><\/div>\n<div itemprop=\"paymentAccepted\"  style='display: none' >cash, check, credit card, invoice<\/div>\n<p>\t<meta itemprop=\"openingHours\"  style='display: none'  datetime=\"Mo,Tu,We,Th,Fr 09:30-17:30\" \/><\/p>\n<div itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/GeoCoordinates\" itemscope=\"\" itemprop=\"geo\">\n\t\t<meta itemprop=\"latitude\" content=\"51.632223\" \/><br \/>\n\t\t<meta itemprop=\"longitude\" content=\"0.1781417\" \/>\n\t<\/div>\n<div itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/PostalAddress\" itemscope=\"\" itemprop=\"address\">\n<div itemprop=\"streetAddress\">1345 High Rd<\/div>\n<div><span itemprop=\"addressLocality\">London<\/span>, <span itemprop=\"addressRegion\">London<\/span> <span itemprop=\"postalCode\">N20 9HR<\/span><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><\/center><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Hey, has this ever happened to you? It may have been months since your divorce ended, and you thought you were doing okay. You were picking yourself up financially, making your home your own, and trying some new activities and were feeling pretty good about yourself. But then it hits you and won\u2019t leave.\u00a0 That &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/dont-let-post-divorce-anger-keep-you-paralyzedno-its-not-derailing-your-recovery-its-the-good\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;Don&#8217;t Let Post-Divorce Anger Keep You ParalyzedNo, it&#8217;s not derailing your recovery. It&#8217;s &#8211; The Good&#8230;&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-77457","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","entry"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Don&#039;t Let Post-Divorce Anger Keep You ParalyzedNo, it&#039;s not derailing your recovery. 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