single mom<\/a>, I am free to save money for expenses, emergencies and other things we want. So I do \u2014 and it\u2019s thrilling to see my savings growing. At the same time, I have also been able to budget money to pay down debt. That feels great too. Having full control of our budget has been good for my credit score, my bank account and my psyche.<\/p>\nLikewise, household management is less stressful. Little things \u2014 like making the bed or cleaning the floors \u2014 were things we didn\u2019t agree on. I like returning to a made bed at the end of the day and feel that a quick Swiffer of the floor and occasional wet Swiffer is good enough most of the time. My ex didn\u2019t care if the bed was made but wanted the floors cleaned until the grout shone white (as if!).<\/p>\n
As a single mom, I set the standards in our home so I decide what\u2019s important. Our house is clean, but I don\u2019t stress it if the coffee table gets cluttered or we wait until the morning to do the dishes.<\/p>\n
Divide and conquer has been the hallmark of my household management \u2014 and it makes things so much easier. We each do our own laundry. My son takes out the trash. My daughter cleans the sinks. Together they unload the dishwasher and take care of the litter box. I do the cooking, dishwasher loading, kitchen cleanup and make sure our kitchen is stocked and everyone is clean and fed. I also clean the bathrooms \u2026 usually. Most importantly though, there\u2019s no resentment. If I forget to clean the toilet, it\u2019s on me and me alone.<\/p>\n
Our home became a calmer place when I became a single mother. Loud noises \u2014 the sounds of violent video games and action movies \u2014 set my nerves on edge. But in our house, we prefer Super Mario World over Call of Duty and Doctor Who over Rambo. Moreover, we only turn on the television when we\u2019re going to watch it. The sound doesn\u2019t punctuate the day.<\/p>\nImage: Courtesy of Sarah Walker Caron.<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\nWhen we return at the end of the day, the house is as we left it. My kids love to read (so do I!) but my ex never quite understood why we\u2019d choose books over television, movies or video games. As a single mom, reading time became one of the cherished bits of our day. We could curl up on the couches or in my bed. We could read together or separately. And there was always a new book to dig into because I was free to have as many bookcases as I wanted.<\/p>\n
Spontaneity has been an unexpected surprise of my single mom parenting. Unencumbered by expectations of how things \u201cshould be\u201d I am free to take last minute trips to the lake to swim, attend concerts, take walks when the moment moves us, attend all sorts of cultural events, do silly things, have painting nights and create new traditions. One of our favorite new traditions is Cheesy Monday. Our first winter here, we\u2019d go to a local cheese shop and try three new cheeses each week with fancy bread and crudites for dinner. We don\u2019t do that every week anymore, but we still love it.<\/p>\n
Sometimes, when we finish dinner, I\u2019ll tell my kids to get their shoes on so we can run out for ice cream. The glee on their faces has made me want to do it again and again.<\/p>\n
Overall, my single mom parenting is driven by less stress. I am more relaxed so my parenting is too. I am free to put my children first \u2014 their events, needs and wants \u2014 and not worry about pushback from a parent who doesn\u2019t think that way.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s not to say I am perfect. Far from it. There are still times when my kids get in trouble or I raise my voice (often, this relates to chores, but that\u2019s a normal part of parenting). Sometimes homework takes longer or is harder than my kids expect, and they get stressed. Sometimes we run late for things, and that doesn\u2019t sit well with me. Sometimes I take on too much in my pursuit to give my kids a better life.<\/p>\n
But overall, we\u2019re all happier than we were. There\u2019s a sense of security and warmth in our home. It\u2019s nice.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d wanted to give them a picture-perfect life. Two parents, a happy home, a place where friends gather and fun is had. I wanted to be the Keatons from Family Ties or the McCallisters (minus the forgotten kid) from Home Alone<\/em>\u2026but perfection is an illusion.<\/p>\nYou can have a happy home without two parents. We do. And sometimes the best parenting you can do is that which you do solo.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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<\/a>Maybe it was when the kids were playing in our small living room \u2014 the sound of LEGOs clicking together and their little voices discussing important matters of the pretend game they were playing. Their imaginations created whole new worlds, in which Barbies danced around LEGO creations; their minds were so free. Or perhaps it was the wide smiles and clear eyes that the kids started wearing on a near-constant basis. Perhaps it was the giggles, the laughter, the adventuresome spirits they carried with them.<\/p>\n![\"Sarah](\"https:\/\/www.sheknows.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/thumbnail_IMG_5421.jpg\")
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