{"id":96859,"date":"2019-11-09T18:06:28","date_gmt":"2019-11-09T18:06:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=96859"},"modified":"2019-11-10T19:00:41","modified_gmt":"2019-11-10T19:00:41","slug":"commentary-heres-what-youths-say-helped-them-cope-with-their-parents-divorce-cna","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/commentary-heres-what-youths-say-helped-them-cope-with-their-parents-divorce-cna\/","title":{"rendered":"Commentary: Here&#8217;s what youths say helped them cope with their parents&#8217; divorce &#8211; CNA"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div data-css=\"c-rte\">\n<p>LIVERPOOL: When parents separate or get divorced, it inevitably disrupts the lives of children, and can take a toll on their mental well-being.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Over time, children learn to accommodate the changes \u2013 some more successfully than others. It\u2019s estimated that one in three children under the age of 16 in the UK experience their parents\u2019 separation.<\/p>\n<p>    <!-- OUTSTREAM1 --><\/p>\n<aside class=\"c-advertisement--rectangle is-hidden-tablet is-hidden-desktop\" data-css=\"c-advertisement\" data-js-module=\"advertisement\" data-js-options=\"{&quot;networkCode&quot;: &quot;4654&quot;, &quot;adChannel&quot;: &quot;cna_mobileweb&quot;, &quot;adUnit&quot;: &quot;outstream&quot;, &quot;adSection&quot;: &quot;news-story&quot;, &quot;sizes&quot;: [[1, 1],[300, 169], [300,250]]}\"><span class=\"advertisement__title\">Advertisement<\/span><\/p>\n<\/aside>\n<p><!-- OUTSTREAM2 --><\/p>\n<aside class=\"c-advertisement--rectangle is-hidden-tablet is-hidden-smartphone\" data-css=\"c-advertisement\" data-js-module=\"advertisement\" data-js-options=\"{&quot;networkCode&quot;: &quot;4654&quot;, &quot;adChannel&quot;: &quot;channel_newsasia&quot;, &quot;adUnit&quot;: &quot;outstream&quot;, &quot;adSection&quot;: &quot;news-story&quot;, &quot;sizes&quot;: [[1, 1], [640, 360]]}\"><span class=\"advertisement__title\">Advertisement<\/span><\/p>\n<\/aside>\n<p>Parents often worry about how best to support their children, so that they can adjust to the changed family situation as successfully as possible.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>I conducted a comprehensive survey of 34 young adults, aged 18 to 30, reflecting on their childhood experiences of separation and divorce. For some, their experience was as recent as one to three years ago \u2013 for others, it was much further behind them.<\/p>\n<p>I found that most young people end up accommodating their parents\u2019 separation well over time. Even so, my results indicate that certain factors can help or hinder children, as they adapt to this life-altering event.<\/p>\n<h3><a href=\"http:\/\/www.channelnewsasia.com\/news\/commentary\/abusive-marriages-fear-shame-helpless-why-women-should-leave-10096736\" target=\"_self\">READ: Commentary: Abusive marriages and why it&#8217;s so hard for women to &#8216;just leave&#8217;<\/a><br \/><\/h3>\n<aside class=\"c-advertisement--rectangle-float is-hidden-tablet is-hidden-smartphone\" data-css=\"c-advertisement\" data-js-module=\"advertisement\" data-js-options=\"{&quot;networkCode&quot;: &quot;4654&quot;, &quot;adChannel&quot;: &quot;channel_newsasia&quot;, &quot;adUnit&quot;: &quot;imu1&quot;, &quot;adSection&quot;: &quot;news-story&quot;, &quot;sizes&quot;: [[300, 600], [300, 250]]}\"><span class=\"advertisement__title\">Advertisement<\/span><\/p>\n<\/aside>\n<aside class=\"c-advertisement--rectangle-float is-hidden-tablet is-hidden-desktop\" data-css=\"c-advertisement\" data-js-module=\"advertisement\" data-js-options=\"{&quot;networkCode&quot;: &quot;4654&quot;, &quot;adChannel&quot;: &quot;cna_mobileweb&quot;, &quot;adUnit&quot;: &quot;imu1&quot;, &quot;adSection&quot;: &quot;news-story&quot;, &quot;sizes&quot;: [[1,1], [300, 600], [300, 250], [320, 100]]}\"><span class=\"advertisement__title\">Advertisement<\/span><\/p>\n<\/aside>\n<p><strong>AN END TO CONFLICT<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The most important thing, which helped children adjust, was when separation brought an end to conflict between their parents.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>This might not happen until initial arrangements about where children would live and when they would have contact with each parent were put in place.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>But when it did, my participants reported an immediate sense of relief, which helped them view the separation as a positive improvement in their lives.<\/p>\n<div class=\"c-picture--article\" data-css=\"c-picture\">\n<figure class=\"picture__wrapper\"><picture class=\"picture__container\"><source data-srcset=\"https:\/\/cna-sg-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/q_auto,f_auto\/image\/7816820\/16x9\/320\/180\/2ac6060f58ae8c484d5c8abbae7354d9\/Mg\/stock-mother-02---635158.jpg 320w, https:\/\/cna-sg-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/q_auto,f_auto\/image\/7816820\/16x9\/360\/203\/2ac6060f58ae8c484d5c8abbae7354d9\/mY\/stock-mother-02---635158.jpg 360w, https:\/\/cna-sg-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/q_auto,f_auto\/image\/7816820\/16x9\/450\/253\/2ac6060f58ae8c484d5c8abbae7354d9\/FR\/stock-mother-02---635158.jpg 450w, https:\/\/cna-sg-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/q_auto,f_auto\/image\/7816820\/16x9\/550\/309\/2ac6060f58ae8c484d5c8abbae7354d9\/rc\/stock-mother-02---635158.jpg 550w, https:\/\/cna-sg-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/q_auto,f_auto\/image\/7816820\/16x9\/670\/377\/2ac6060f58ae8c484d5c8abbae7354d9\/BM\/stock-mother-02---635158.jpg 670w, https:\/\/cna-sg-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/q_auto,f_auto\/image\/7816820\/16x9\/768\/432\/2ac6060f58ae8c484d5c8abbae7354d9\/LE\/stock-mother-02---635158.jpg 768w, https:\/\/cna-sg-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/q_auto,f_auto\/image\/7816820\/16x9\/991\/557\/2ac6060f58ae8c484d5c8abbae7354d9\/gm\/stock-mother-02---635158.jpg 991w\" sizes=\"(min-width: 992px) 670px,(min-width: 768px) calc( 100vw - 50px ), calc( 100vw - 30px )\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"picture__image lazyload\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" alt=\"stock mother 02\"\/><\/source><\/picture><figcaption class=\"picture__caption\">\n<p>A mother pushes her child in a pram. (File photo: Francine Lim)<br \/>\n<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p>Communication also made a big difference: Being told what was going to happen in advance by their parents helped children make sense of their changing family situation. For young children, this often meant being told more than once.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Children benefited from having the opportunity to talk about their parents\u2019 separation, and receive support from other family members, such as aunts and grandmothers. Talking to siblings and friends \u2013 particularly trusted friends who had experienced their own parents\u2019 separation \u2013 was also found to be helpful.<\/p>\n<p>Children who were able to stay in contact with both parents, as well as their friends, accommodated separation and divorce better. It also helped if further changes were kept to a minimum,\u00a0for example, if children continued to live in the same area and attend the same school after separation.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Where this happened, children felt their views had been taken into account in post-separation arrangements \u2013 they felt they \u201cmattered\u201d to their parents. This ultimately brought about a more positive view of the separation.<\/p>\n<h3><a href=\"http:\/\/www.channelnewsasia.com\/news\/commentary\/child-development-too-clingy-how-to-help-them-grow-indepence-11649816\" target=\"_self\">READ:\u00a0Commentary: Is your child too clingy? Here&#8217;s how to help them grow independence<\/a><br \/><\/h3>\n<p><strong>LOSING TOUCH<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Children who lost contact with the parent they didn\u2019t live with, but said this was what they wanted, tended to show a high level of accommodation.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>But those who did so involuntarily accommodated the separation less well. My research found that they viewed their parents\u2019 separation as neither a positive improvement, nor a significant loss, and showed a medium level of accommodation.<\/p>\n<p>Few\u00a0were told about the separation in advance, and loss of contact meant they did not see their needs taken into account.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>While they did not experience conflict between their parents directly, they were often aware of their resident parent\u2019s dislike of the other parent and felt \u201csilenced\u201d from talking about them at home, which led to a sense of divided loyalties.<\/p>\n<div class=\"c-picture--article\" data-css=\"c-picture\">\n<figure class=\"picture__wrapper\"><picture class=\"picture__container\"><source data-srcset=\"https:\/\/cna-sg-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/q_auto,f_auto\/image\/11393814\/16x9\/320\/180\/d681e27eff8eb844bc5af99a00d77822\/gl\/parent-child-hands.jpg 320w, https:\/\/cna-sg-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/q_auto,f_auto\/image\/11393814\/16x9\/360\/203\/d681e27eff8eb844bc5af99a00d77822\/TJ\/parent-child-hands.jpg 360w, https:\/\/cna-sg-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/q_auto,f_auto\/image\/11393814\/16x9\/450\/253\/d681e27eff8eb844bc5af99a00d77822\/Ia\/parent-child-hands.jpg 450w, https:\/\/cna-sg-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/q_auto,f_auto\/image\/11393814\/16x9\/550\/309\/d681e27eff8eb844bc5af99a00d77822\/AN\/parent-child-hands.jpg 550w, https:\/\/cna-sg-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/q_auto,f_auto\/image\/11393814\/16x9\/670\/377\/d681e27eff8eb844bc5af99a00d77822\/Il\/parent-child-hands.jpg 670w, https:\/\/cna-sg-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/q_auto,f_auto\/image\/11393814\/16x9\/768\/432\/d681e27eff8eb844bc5af99a00d77822\/Sd\/parent-child-hands.jpg 768w, https:\/\/cna-sg-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/q_auto,f_auto\/image\/11393814\/16x9\/991\/557\/d681e27eff8eb844bc5af99a00d77822\/uz\/parent-child-hands.jpg 991w\" sizes=\"(min-width: 992px) 670px,(min-width: 768px) calc( 100vw - 50px ), calc( 100vw - 30px )\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"picture__image lazyload\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" alt=\"Parent child hands\"\/><\/source><\/picture><figcaption class=\"picture__caption\">\n<p>(Photo: Pexels)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p>These children appeared very isolated, having access to few sources of support within the family, no support outside the family and feeling unable to talk to anyone about the changes.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Over time, they created an emotional distance from the separation, meaning they treated it as a life event and moved on.<\/p>\n<h3><a href=\"http:\/\/www.channelnewsasia.com\/news\/commentary\/children-video-games-gaming-addition-parenting-how-to-know-11736662\" target=\"_self\">READ: Commentary: Worried your child might be addicted to video games? What the warning signs are<\/a><br \/><\/h3>\n<p><strong>CONTINUING CONFLICT<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Children who continued to experience conflict between their parents after separation accommodated the changes less well. My participants described feeling \u201ccaught in the middle\u201d of their parents\u2019 conflict, particularly at handovers, and feeling responsible for younger siblings.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>This aligns with findings from many previous studies. They viewed their parents as being preoccupied with their own issues and concerns, and failing to take their children\u2019s needs into account.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>They also felt unable to talk to anyone in the family about the separation, for fear of making the conflict worse.<\/p>\n<p>Children found it particularly difficult when parents couldn\u2019t agree on where they would live and contact arrangements, requiring them to talk to social workers as a result of family court proceedings.\u00a0<\/p>\n<div class=\"c-picture--article\" data-css=\"c-picture\">\n<figure class=\"picture__wrapper\"><picture class=\"picture__container\"><source data-srcset=\"https:\/\/cna-sg-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/q_auto,f_auto\/image\/11261992\/16x9\/320\/180\/6429887674ace361fd349677ec1ed3da\/nJ\/depression-sad-woman.jpg 320w, https:\/\/cna-sg-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/q_auto,f_auto\/image\/11261992\/16x9\/360\/203\/6429887674ace361fd349677ec1ed3da\/Zh\/depression-sad-woman.jpg 360w, https:\/\/cna-sg-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/q_auto,f_auto\/image\/11261992\/16x9\/450\/253\/6429887674ace361fd349677ec1ed3da\/iC\/depression-sad-woman.jpg 450w, https:\/\/cna-sg-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/q_auto,f_auto\/image\/11261992\/16x9\/550\/309\/6429887674ace361fd349677ec1ed3da\/vh\/depression-sad-woman.jpg 550w, https:\/\/cna-sg-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/q_auto,f_auto\/image\/11261992\/16x9\/670\/377\/6429887674ace361fd349677ec1ed3da\/Yl\/depression-sad-woman.jpg 670w, https:\/\/cna-sg-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/q_auto,f_auto\/image\/11261992\/16x9\/768\/432\/6429887674ace361fd349677ec1ed3da\/JR\/depression-sad-woman.jpg 768w, https:\/\/cna-sg-res.cloudinary.com\/image\/upload\/q_auto,f_auto\/image\/11261992\/16x9\/991\/557\/6429887674ace361fd349677ec1ed3da\/Jn\/depression-sad-woman.jpg 991w\" sizes=\"(min-width: 992px) 670px,(min-width: 768px) calc( 100vw - 50px ), calc( 100vw - 30px )\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"picture__image lazyload\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" alt=\"Depression sad woman\"\/><\/source><\/picture><figcaption class=\"picture__caption\">\n<p>(Photo: Pixabay\/sasint)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p>As children, my participants said they struggled to accept the post-separation changes, and as young adults, their parents\u2019 separation remained a very significant loss in their lives.<\/p>\n<p>Having a sense of how these young adults experienced their parents\u2019 separation in childhood, and the factors that helped them accommodate the changes it brought about as well, can help guide parents who are separating now.<\/p>\n<p>It can inform their choices, and those of their families, to make sure their children have the best chance of accommodating separation well over time.<\/p>\n<p><em>Susan Kay-Flowers is a senior lecturer in Education and Childhood Studies at Liverpool John Moores University.\u00a0A version of this commentary first appeared on The Conversation. Read it\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/theconversation.com\/heres-what-young-people-say-helped-them-get-through-their-parents-divorce-121907\" target=\"_blank\">here<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p><br \/>\n<br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/www.channelnewsasia.com\/news\/commentary\/divorce-how-to-cope-parents-quarelling-children-custody-who-gets-12023694\">Source link <\/a><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/contact-us\/\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer-300x100.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"200\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-14\" srcset=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer-300x100.png 300w, https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer-150x50.png 150w, https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer.png 600w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n<center><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.google.com\/maps\/d\/u\/1\/embed?mid=1w4tN9mf5kVdBXUXTq2KvwE23NmpUzEna\" width=\"640\" height=\"480\"><\/iframe><br \/>\n<\/center><br \/>\n<center><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/calendar.google.com\/calendar\/embed?src=sc635csnrm8h9s9lq0cad6vkss@group.calendar.google.com\" style=\"border:0px #ffffff none;\" name=\"myiFrame\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"1\" marginheight=\"0px\" marginwidth=\"0px\" height=\"3px\" width=\"600px\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/center><br \/>\n<center><\/p>\n<div itemscope itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/LocalBusiness\">\n<div itemprop=\"image\" itemscope itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/ImageObject\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.dominiclevent.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/Business_Solicitors_London.jpg\" width=\"600\" itemprop=\"url\"><\/div>\n<p><\/br><\/p>\n<div itemprop=\"name\">Dominic Levent Solicitors<\/div>\n<div>Email: <span itemprop=\"email\">Enquiries@dominiclevent.com<\/span><\/div>\n<div>Phone: <span itemprop=\"telephone\">020 8347 6640<\/span><\/div>\n<div>Url: <span itemprop=\"url\">https:\/\/www.dominiclevent.com<\/span><\/div>\n<div itemprop=\"paymentAccepted\"  style='display: none' >cash, check, credit card, invoice<\/div>\n<p>\t<meta itemprop=\"openingHours\"  style='display: none'  datetime=\"Mo,Tu,We,Th,Fr 09:30-17:30\" \/><\/p>\n<div itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/GeoCoordinates\" itemscope=\"\" itemprop=\"geo\">\n\t\t<meta itemprop=\"latitude\" content=\"51.632223\" \/><br \/>\n\t\t<meta itemprop=\"longitude\" content=\"0.1781417\" \/>\n\t<\/div>\n<div itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/PostalAddress\" itemscope=\"\" itemprop=\"address\">\n<div itemprop=\"streetAddress\">1345 High Rd<\/div>\n<div><span itemprop=\"addressLocality\">London<\/span>, <span itemprop=\"addressRegion\">London<\/span> <span itemprop=\"postalCode\">N20 9HR<\/span><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><\/center><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>LIVERPOOL: When parents separate or get divorced, it inevitably disrupts the lives of children, and can take a toll on their mental well-being.\u00a0 Over time, children learn to accommodate the changes \u2013 some more successfully than others. It\u2019s estimated that one in three children under the age of 16 in the UK experience their parents\u2019 &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/commentary-heres-what-youths-say-helped-them-cope-with-their-parents-divorce-cna\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;Commentary: Here&#8217;s what youths say helped them cope with their parents&#8217; divorce &#8211; CNA&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-96859","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","entry"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Commentary: Here&#039;s what youths say helped them cope with their parents&#039; divorce - CNA - Dominic Levent Solicitors Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/commentary-heres-what-youths-say-helped-them-cope-with-their-parents-divorce-cna\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Commentary: Here&#039;s what youths say helped them cope with their parents&#039; divorce - CNA - Dominic Levent Solicitors Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"LIVERPOOL: When parents separate or get divorced, it inevitably disrupts the lives of children, and can take a toll on their mental well-being.\u00a0 Over time, children learn to accommodate the changes \u2013 some more successfully than others. It\u2019s estimated that one in three children under the age of 16 in the UK experience their parents\u2019 &hellip; Continue reading &quot;Commentary: Here&#8217;s what youths say helped them cope with their parents&#8217; divorce &#8211; CNA&quot;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/commentary-heres-what-youths-say-helped-them-cope-with-their-parents-divorce-cna\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Dominic Levent Solicitors Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-11-09T18:06:28+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2019-11-10T19:00:41+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/footer-300x100.png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"spainops\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"spainops\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/commentary-heres-what-youths-say-helped-them-cope-with-their-parents-divorce-cna\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/commentary-heres-what-youths-say-helped-them-cope-with-their-parents-divorce-cna\/\",\"name\":\"Commentary: Here's what youths say helped them cope with their parents' divorce - 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