{"id":99533,"date":"2022-02-27T14:00:21","date_gmt":"2022-02-27T14:00:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/?p=99533"},"modified":"2022-03-01T08:23:31","modified_gmt":"2022-03-01T08:23:31","slug":"7-tips-for-dating-after-divorce-according-to-a-dating-coach","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominiclevent.com\/blog\/7-tips-for-dating-after-divorce-according-to-a-dating-coach\/","title":{"rendered":"7 Tips for Dating After Divorce, According to a Dating Coach"},"content":{"rendered":"


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1. Take Your Time<\/h2>\n

Being newly single affords you the freedom to start meeting new, exciting people. True. But what\u2019s the rush? Make sure you\u2019ve given yourself the time and space to truly appreciate this major life change before moving on to someone new.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cEvery relationship, whether you\u2019re married or not, takes time to heal from, regardless if ending it was your idea or not,\u201d Gower tells us. \u201cBut marriage, of course, comes with this expectation of a life together and things you planned to do. So it takes a while to unravel all of that and process all those feelings of loss. The loss of a relationship comes with the same process of grief, as if you\u2019ve lost a loved one. There’s no time frame on how long that should or could take, but you have to allow yourself the time to work through those stages of grief.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

2. When in Doubt, Make a List<\/h2>\n

There’s no right or wrong time to start dating after a divorce. Your ex might be ready next week, and it might take you over a year to agree to go out for a drink. But how do you know when you’re really ready to get yourself out there again?<\/p>\n

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\n\u201cWhat I advise is waiting until profound acceptance; when you wake up and you realize you don’t even remember the last time you even felt any emotion\u2014good or bad\u2014regarding your ex,\u201d Gower says. But that kind of clarity likely won\u2019t sneak up on you all on its own. It takes real reflection to grow from such a dramatic event.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn the meantime, though, you shouldn’t just be lying around, waiting for that acceptance,\u201d she continues. \u201cYou should be encouraging yourself to process those emotions and allow yourself to learn the big lessons of your last relationship. I often advise clients to write down pros and cons of the relationship dynamic, of the traits of their ex, what they did well and what they feel they could have done better, to be able to really learn from those lessons. That processing helps the healing come along much faster.\u201d<\/p>\n

3. You Come First<\/h2>\n

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\nThere are a number reasons why a marriage ends. Sometimes you just fall out of love. When it\u2019s particularly ugly, however, (we\u2019re looking at you, infidelity) the pieces of your personality that were a prime target during the breakup, like your self\u2014esteem and confidence, need a little TLC before you can move on.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou should make sure you\u2019ve fixed those things before you ever enter the dating pool again or you run the risk of being used by people who may want to exploit that vulnerability,\u201d Gower advises. \u201cFinding and entering a relationship should come from a healthy place. Whoever isn’t at their best when starting over is just going to pull their new partner down and the relationship will be unhealthy from the start.\u201d Use this interim time between marriage and a new relationship to go out and enjoy your life as a single person.<\/p>\n

\u201cGo to the movies by yourself or hang out with friends,\u201d she says. \u201cRe\u2014learn who you were as a person [before your marriage], since relationships often change that.\u201d<\/p>\n

4. …But Use Protection<\/h2>\n

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\nGuarding yourself from potential health risks when you decide to take a new relationship up a notch (if you know what we mean) is a no brainer, but protect that heart of yours, too.<\/p>\n

\u201cDating should be fun and is about learning more about another person and yourself, too,\u201d Gower says. \u201cIf a woman wants to just explore and have fun\u2014as long as she communicates that with whomever she’s dating\u2014then she should go for it. If she is looking for something serious, then go with what feels right, but also make sure the other person is on the same page, with the same expectations, before having sex.\u201d<\/p>\n

But if what you\u2019re looking for has a bit more substance to it, Gower says to make that crystal clear. \u201cIf you feel you are invested and putting in the effort, and you trust this person to treat you fairly, then there’s no reason to restrict yourself to any rules,\u201d she says. \u201cAll that said, it does take time to establish that trust and understanding so it’s unlikely that a first date would be the right time.\u201d<\/p>\n

5. Get Over Your “Type”<\/h2>\n

Ain\u2019t nobody got time for types\u2014especially after a divorce. You thought you knew who or what your type was the first time around, right? Time to throw that way of thinking out the window.<\/p>\n

\u201cExperiment!\u201d advises Gower. \u201cGive someone that you wouldn’t have given a second look before a chance. Keep it within reason, of course, with your morals and personality expectations, but what you see on the outside is usually just the tip of the iceberg of who a person is.\u201d<\/p>\n

Part of the beauty of this time in your life is that you now have free reign to go on dates and if you don\u2019t like what you find, \u201cthen keep it moving,\u201d Gower says. \u201cJust try not to settle for the first ship that sails into your docks after your relationship ends.\u201d<\/p>\n

6. Fire Up the Apps<\/h2>\n

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\nDating apps probably weren\u2019t a part of your pre-marriage single life. They can be intimidating, and the horror stories some of your friends have shared are pretty deterring (Tinder Nightmares is a thing for a reason). But that doesn\u2019t mean those experiences will be yours\u2013especially if you\u2019re on the right sites.<\/p>\n

\u201cResearch which apps are most popular in your area to get the largest selection of other singles,\u201d Gower says. \u201cBut if you\u2019re looking for something serious, steer clear of Tinder and Bumble and try something paid like Match.com. If you can’t afford it, OKCupid is decent as well and you actually learn a bit more about the person than the superficial stuff before swiping. People who use those platforms tend to be more invested. That said, if you are just looking to explore and have fun, Tinder and Bumble can be great resources. Bumble tends to have higher quality men; and since women message first, you can better avoid the sleazy messages.\u201d<\/p>\n

7. Happy Mom, Happy Kids<\/h2>\n

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\nFinding time to date when you have children can be difficult, but that\u2019s why you moved so close to your own mom, right? Just remember: The happier you are, the happier your kids will be, too.<\/p>\n

\u201cTry and remember that just because you have kids, your life and happiness aren’t put on hold for them,\u201d Gower says. \u201cMake sure you are investing that time wisely in people worth the effort before setting up those dates, though. There’s no perfect time for when to introduce the kids, but there’s a nice balance between \u2018way too soon, they’ll get attached,\u2019 and \u2018I’ll be hurt if I have to end it because they don’t mesh.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

You might not want to take your ex\u2019s feelings into consideration here, but he or she will certainly still be a part of your life for a good, long time if there are kids involved. Avoid a potentially sticky situation and factor them in when you start thinking about introducing your new partner to your kids.<\/p>\n

\u201cBe a good co-parent,\u201d Gower advises. \u201cYou don’t need your ex’s permission, but talking about it with them ahead of time\u2014if<\/em> you have a healthy enough relationship\u2014is the courteous thing to do here.\u201d<\/p>\n

There are a lot of things you’re going to have to get used to about your new life post-divorce. While some aspects will be less thrilling than others (hello, single income household), dating should not make your cons list. Have fun, be safe, you’ve got this.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Gallery: Subtle Signs Your Marriage Is Over And You Haven’t Realised It (Best Life)<\/strong><\/p>\n

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