Q: What steps must I take to divorce my husband? <\/strong><\/p>\n He\u2019s emotionally\/verbally abusive and doesn\u2019t keep up the rules: 1) No drinking in front of the kids; 2) No phone or devices at bedtime for the kids.<\/strong><\/p>\n Two of my children are teenagers from my previous marriage. Our two under age five are the ones I want to save from his arguments and selfishness.<\/strong><\/p>\n His alcoholism is also a problem for my older ones. I don\u2019t want them to copy his behaviour. <\/strong><\/p>\n But I don\u2019t want counselling because I don\u2019t love him anymore. I\u2019ve given him a long time to change. <\/strong><\/p>\n I no longer want him to become \u201cbetter,\u201d and for me to suffer. Any legal support will help at this time. <\/strong><\/p>\n A: <\/strong>Prepare for a bumpy ride, because divorce is rarely simple, even if necessary.<\/p>\n In some jurisdictions, you can file for divorce online, for a fairly modest fee.<\/p>\n However, one online form which checks to see if you qualify for this cheaper route, asks, \u201cCan you and your spouse agree to the division of property, debts and all child-related issues?\u201d<\/p>\n From the situation you\u2019ve described, it seems unlikely there\u2019d be an uncontested divorce, with no issues regarding a child-custody agreement.<\/p>\n So, since you\u2019ve written me and not a lawyer, you get some relationship chat in my response.<\/p>\n I know that it\u2019s frustrating, stressful and frightening to live with someone who\u2019s abusive. You know that his alcoholism plays a part and the influence on both the older and younger children is very negative. <\/p>\n A divorce may indeed be your best choice.<\/p>\n But you must certainly realize that when you tell a difficult, angry father\/stepfather\/spouse to leave, permanently, it won\u2019t happen smoothly for you and the kids.<\/p>\n That\u2019s why you need to think through your approach and where to begin. <\/p>\n While you see counselling as just a delay to your purpose, I assure you that even a couple of sessions of discussing how to handle the initial conversations about separating, and his responsibilities and rights regarding child custody, visits and support, are very necessary. <\/p>\n Get some good advice in your inbox<\/p>\n Get expert advice on life and relationships with the Star’s Advice newsletter.<\/p>\n Sign Up Now<\/a><\/div>\n Why? Because you\u2019re already dealing with a volatile person.<\/p>\n He does have rights and obligations in a divorce, and needs to know these at the start of your introducing the subject of divorce, calmly and informed. <\/p>\n That\u2019s also why one visit to a lawyer to learn the facts that matter in your case may be money well spent (versus years of fighting over support money owed and regular visits with his kids).<\/p>\n Look for Legal Aid lawyers if available in your area, and also see what\u2019s provided by a family law clinic. <\/p>\n Note: Even if divorcing, you should attend a meeting of Al-Anon for the information you already need about the effects of your husband\u2019s alcoholism on his teenage stepchildren. <\/p>\n You\u2019ll find it helpful for yourself, to learn how living with someone\u2019s alcoholism creates the scenarios you describe, with you trying to be the rule-maker in the house when your partner has his own rules for himself.<\/p>\n Q: I\u2019m a guy, 31, taking online courses to upgrade myself from a decent but boring job. I run to keep fit, am decent-looking, but shy with women.<\/strong><\/p>\n How can I interest a woman enough to suggest a date?<\/strong><\/p>\n A: <\/strong>Talk to a woman who\u2019s running, like you. Sharing an interest is an early attraction. Just say, \u201cHi,\u201d with a smile. Say your name, and ask hers. See where it, and the run, leads.<\/p>\n Ellie\u2019s tip of the day<\/strong><\/p>\n No surprise: Quick, easy divorces require two people who agree on all the issues.<\/p>\n EXPERT ADVICE. IN YOUR INBOX: <\/strong>Sign up for the Star\u2019s advice newsletter, get the latest on relationships, etiquette and more<\/a>.<\/p>\nYOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN…<\/h3>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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