As the new year approaches, discussions surrounding ‘Divorce Day’ are beginning to gain momentum. Falling on the first working day of the new year, which in this case is Tuesday, January 2, Divorce Day is recognised annually, alluding to a surge in post-holiday divorce filings after the festivities are over.
Recent ONS statistics reveal that 113,505 couples divorced in 2021 compared to 103,592 couples in 2020 – a 9.6% increase.
Julian Bremner, divorce specialist and Partner at Rayden Solicitors said: “It is true to say that after Christmas there tends to be a spike in enquiries and people coming to see me to talk about the potential of divorce. The reality, from my experience, is that more divorces commence in late January or early February. We’ll see this more often if the parties have children who they want to settle back into school after the holidays.
“For many of us, Christmas is a wonderful time of year full of good memories. For others, Christmas can be a more trying period. It can create needless tension within a family and extended family as arrangements for Christmas day etc., are entered into. It also may mean spending time with people that you ordinarily would not want to.
“Also, the weather and lack of transport can sometimes mean that you are forced into proximity with people you may not have been getting on with or, in the case of your soon-to-be former partner, are thinking of divorcing. So whilst Christmas is a joyous time for some, for others it really can be a minefield of expectations, stress and strain.
“All of this can bubble to the surface over the Christmas period and put a strain on relationships which may already be having difficulties.”
Julian answered some key questions:
Divorce is a big decision – how do you know if it’s the right thing to do?
This is a very personal decision for you. The truth is, when you know, you know.
Whilst you can commence divorce proceedings unilaterally, it is often better to have a conversation with your soon-to-be former partner about commencing proceedings so that you can either agree on who the petitioner is and when the petition is to be filed – or at least warn them that they’re about to receive an email from the Court Service confirming a petition has been filed.
The petition is the starting point of the divorce process. It means the Court will then have powers to deal with financial matters. It is not something that necessarily needs to be rushed. Certainly, you do not need to consider undertaking this step if it’s still very early in the breakdown of your relationship. However, that said, if you are starting to talk about financial settlements (either directly or in mediation) then it would be helpful to have the divorce process well underway so that once you come to an agreement the Court has the power to make financial orders on your behalf.
Are there any specific considerations you should make before you decide?
Again, this is very much down to you and how your relationship with your soon-to-be former partner is unfolding. There are obvious practical considerations. Are you still to continue living under the same roof? How do you manage your life on a day-to-day basis? What do you tell the children and when? What other considerations do you have coming into the future which will be impacted by this decision?
Whilst some people choose to remain together, irrespective of having decided to divorce their partner so that a unified front can be presented at an important family occasion or for a holiday already paid for – the best advice is not to put your life on hold. Divorce is a big step and has ramifications, but if you have decided to exit the marriage, that step needs to be taken at some time.
Three tips for parents navigating divorce:
- Consider the longer term: Effective co-parenting hinges on maintaining healthy communication methods with your ex in the long term. Consider each interaction with your ex with your child’s well-being in mind over the holidays.
- Keep the “grown-up talk” out of earshot: It is known that exposing children to parental conflict is not in their interests and is potentially harmful. Research* conducted by Dr. Irwin Sandler in 2013 revealed that conflict between parents poses the greatest risk for harm to children – not the divorce itself. With this in mind, it’s extremely important to work through any conflict together without involving your child.
- Implement a ‘parenting plan’: A parenting plan is a written plan worked out between parents after they separate. It can help clarify the arrangements and set down what each parent expects of the other when the child is in their care. This can help a lot over the Christmas break when childcare arrangements tend to cross over.
Ultimately, the decision to divorce necessitates thoughtful consideration. The choice to exit a marriage is significant, and when that choice is made, navigating it with compassion and understanding towards yourself remains key.
