What If, Like Me, You Regret Your Divorce? – The Good Men Project
I am a divorced mom and I regretted my divorce. Even though some time has passed, I still think about my marriage, my children and my husband and all the moments we had together. After some time spent separated from my husband, I came to the conclusion that divorce was rather the easy way out.
Let’s see how had it all started.
I met my ex-husband while volunteering at an NGO organization in my college years. We had about three years of friendship before realizing that we were made for each other. Or at least this is what we thought at the moment. The first years were full of beautiful moments, traveling adventures and getaway weekends. We both loved animals and nature. After a while, he proposed to me. I still remember that magical moment when I was surrounded by a wave of happiness and excitement.
Years passed, and we started a family. We have two beautiful daughters that are the light of our eyes. We started to concentrate more on children, and less on our relationship. We stopped keeping the passion and fire of our love alive. Children became our priority and I regret nothing about this. After reading a few articles on DivorcedMoms.com I realized that there are a lot of moms who go through this. There are a lot of couples who struggle to make their children happy and keep them safe.
Of course, no parent can be blamed for this. But those articles made me realize that there are a lot of couples who forget to keep their passion alive. In their quest of offering their children the best options, they forget about themselves as a couple. And the passion slowly decreases. And the love is not so alive anymore, but rather asleep or even dying.
Without realizing what was happening, we decided to divorce. It was a decision we both agreed with. We saw it as a solution to avoid arguments we were having too often. It was a solution to offer our children a peaceful and pleasant environment where they can develop properly. We thought that if they see us not having an argument will only make them happier. And, of course, we thought that if we do not see each other and do not live together anymore, we would be happier.
It turns out, I regretted getting divorced.
In all the time I spent as a single mom, I have realized that it is more difficult than it seems. Whether most of my time I was busy with my job and keeping my children clean and happy, I was starting to feel lonely. I started to appreciate the support my ex-husband had offered me. I read an article on DivorcedMoms.com which made it obvious for me that I was not the only one who was feeling lonely, sad and angry.
I started to accept my condition as a single mom and I wanted to create my own life. I started running. I started going out with some friends and trying to meet new people. I went through all the stages after divorce until I realized something. I realized that my divorce was a mistake. It was a decision taken under the control of negative emotions. It was a decision taken because of our egos, not because it was the right one. We thought that everything would be ok, and life would be easier if we were separated. While this might be the best decision for some couples, it was not for us.
So, what to do next?
I needed to communicate my feelings with the father of my children. I wanted to let him know what I was thinking and feeling. So, even though we met from time to time because we needed to talk about children, I invited him on a walk in the park. He accepted. After I read an article on DivorcedMoms.com, my strong opinion on why we divorced in the first place was that we lacked communication. It was a nice walk and we both openly communicated about what we thought went wrong. I discovered his perspective on our relationship. I discovered that he is still in love with me, although we did not make time for each other. The time spent without him made me realize the same thing.
We got back together and now we are happier than before. I am so glad that we got through this. Because even if this period was full of sadness, loneliness and low moments, it made me realize something very important. It made me realize that we have forgotten so much about ourselves and our love. And we forgot to communicate, which is the most important thing in a relationship.
What to extract from my personal experience? I have realized that communication is the most important thing in a relationship. And I have realized that in some cases, divorce might be the best solution. But, the most important thing I got aware of is that only time will tell. Only time will tell if it was a good decision to divorce or not.
And if you come to the conclusion that it is not, the best way to approach the situation is communication. You need to think that reconciliation is not as easy as it seems. There are sacrifices and compromises to be made. It is not easy, but if you are willing enough to do it, you can make it.
Originally Published on Divorced Moms.