Separation and divorce are a reality for many families.

“Half of all children experience the breakup of their parents’ relationship before the age of 16,” says Arizona State University Assistant Professor Karey O’Hara.

And while some children struggle with the emotional toll of family conflict, others show remarkable resilience. So what makes the difference?

At ASU, researchers are working to answer that question through a groundbreaking, multiyear study supported by the National Institute of Mental Health.

Project Brain Team, which is housed within ASU’s REACH Institute and led by O’Hara, focuses on helping children in high-conflict, divorced families build emotional resilience.

The projectTeam members include: Sharlene Wolchik, senior faculty advisor and primary mentor; Karey O’Hara, principal investigator; Marisela Torres, project director; Sydney Parker, third-year PhD student; Disha Kotecha, second-year PhD student; Michelle Yang, MS program graduate and research assistant; Kathy Yakaitis, Jessica Rodriguez Gasca and Claudia Gonzales, intake interviewers; Ana-Paulina Garcia and Anne Marreel, data collection interviewers. is guided by both scientific evidence and input from children and families with lived experience.

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how parents handle it makes all the difference.

“Destructive conflict like yelling, blaming or putting children in the middle can be incredibly damaging,” says O’Hara, a clinical psychologist in the School of Interdisciplinary Forensics. “But when parents model respectful disagreement, apologies and problem-solving, children can actually benefit. They learn that conflicts can be resolved in healthy ways.”

Her advice: “If a blow-up happens in front of a child, don’t ignore it. Say: ‘I’m sorry you had to see that. It’s not your fault. We’re going to work it out.’”

According to O’Hara, one of the most powerful buffers against emotional stress is a warm, caring bond between parent and child.

“In our research, a strong parent-child relationship is characterized by warmth, responsiveness and open communication,” she said. “That relationship becomes a child’s anchor, even during times of family stress.”

O’Hara says three protective factors consistently emerge as critical for helping children navigate the fallout of divorce and high parental conflict.

In ASU’s parenting programs, parents learn how to:

• Listen in ways that encourage children to open up.
• Validate emotions without judgment.
• Establish healthy boundaries and consistent routines that help children feel safe and secure.

“These small but consistent acts of positive parenting promote resilience, especially during transitions like separation or divorce,” O’Hara says.

Parents are also reminded that clear reassurance is essential.

“Kids need to hear: ‘I will always love you. You will always be taken care of.’ That message makes a big difference,” O’Hara says.

But even with supportive parenting, kids need their own strategies for handling stress — and that’s where Project Brain Team makes its biggest impact.

Through years of collaboration with families, the ASU team developed and tested three emotion regulation strategies:

1. Reappraisal (changing how you think about a situation):

   Kids learn to reframe negative thoughts. Example: Instead of “it’s my fault my parents are fighting,” they learn, “my parents’ problems are not my fault; I can still have a good day.”

2. Distraction (redirecting attention to something positive): When emotions feel overwhelming, children are taught to take a break. Examples: Go for a walk, play a game or listen to music.
3. Relaxation (calming the body and mind): Techniques include deep breathing, muscle relaxation and guided imagery like imagining a peaceful beach to reduce anxiety or tension.

These strategies were not only grounded in scientific literature but also shaped by kids themselves. In early phases of the project, researchers asked children what they did to feel better when their parents fought and what didn’t work.

“We wanted to co-create solutions with kids, not just impose something from a lab,” O’Hara says. “This way, the tools are more engaging, relevant and effective.”

So far, nearly 150 children aged 8 to 13 have participated in the randomized controlled trial. All come from high-conflict, divorced families and report challenges such as anxiety, depression or behavioral issues.

The team is also supported by several students involved in recruitment efforts and collaborates closely with legal system professionals and community partners to ensure the program is feasible and impactful in real-world settings.

“As a third-year doctoral student in the law and psychology PhD program, working on Project Brain Team gave me hands-on experience with the real-world complexities of creating digital mental health interventions,” ASU student Sydney Parker said. “I tracked participant engagement, managed data collection and supported children as they learned and applied coping skills. It was incredibly rewarding to see their progress and know our work was making a difference. I’m proud to be part of such a dedicated, supportive team and excited to carry these experiences into my future career.”

As data from Project Brain Team are analyzed, the team hopes their findings will inform future parenting programs, policy reforms, school interventions and even court practices offering evidence-based tools to support children during family transitions.

O’Hara often hears from parents who feel helpless or burdened with guilt.

“I wish all parents knew how powerful they are,” she says. “They often believe the damage is done. But in reality, they play a key role in helping their kids adapt and thrive.”

Instead of focusing on past mistakes, she encourages parents to extend grace to themselves, model calm, consistency and compassion, build supportive routines, teach and reinforce coping skills.

“When parents are emotionally attuned, offer reassurance and avoid putting kids in the middle, children can emerge with incredible strength and clarity,” she says.

As Project Brain Team continues, O’Hara and her colleagues aim to translate their findings into clinical tools, educational materials and community resources that help families nationwide.

“Most parents want the absolute best for their kids,” she says. “Whether or not they know how to deliver it is a different question. But if we can give them the tools, the knowledge and the support, they absolutely can make a difference.”