Cassandra Kalpaxis has witnessed heartbreak and betrayal from every angle during her 14 years as a lawyer handling divorce cases.

But one peculiar type of marriage breakdown continues to shock her – even though she has seen it happen many times before, and likely many times to come.

The family law expert, 37, admits she never ceases to be amazed by the wives who walk into her office asking for a divorce after finding out they are dying.

‘They come to me in the middle of their cancer treatment and tell me they want a divorce,’ she tells me.

‘They are either sick of living a lie and realise life is short, or they work out they don’t want to die next to a partner they are no longer in love with.’

Ms Kalpaxis says people with a terminal illness often have a moment of clarity upon their diagnosis that makes them radically reconsider their marriage.

And she finds they are very determined to see the legal process through to the end.

‘Sometimes they don’t know if they are terminal or not, but having cancer with a poor prognosis is enough to make them give their partner the flick,’ she adds.

Ms Kalpaxis finds that women who ask for a divorce tend to do so in their fifties, while men who walk out on their marriages do so in their seventies. But in cases where a terminally ill spouse initiates proceedings, it can happen at any age.

The length of the marriage doesn’t factor into the decision, either. Neither does having children together.

‘It’s almost like they wake up [after the diagnosis] and decide they don’t want to live a lie and they are sick of the charade,’ she says.

‘In some cases, they feel completely disconnected from their spouse. Maybe they didn’t support them through the diagnosis how they would have wanted, or maybe they weren’t picking up the slack at home.’

In sensitive cases such as these, Ms Kalpaxis always asks the client if they are sure they want to go through their illness alone. They are invariably determined to.

‘It is very confronting when these people come through the door, after a diagnosis like that, keen to make such a significant decision,’ she reveals.

Ms Kalpaxis will never forget the first time it happened.

The woman walked in, having just broken the news to her husband, and revealed she had a terminal diagnosis and didn’t want to be stuck in her marriage until the end.

‘From memory they had been together for over 20 years, and she had finally had enough of being put last.’

Her jaw dropped to the floor and she felt devastated for the woman who felt she was better off facing cancer and death alone than with her husband.

Ms Kalpaxis personally hasn’t had any men come through the door with terminal illnesses seeking divorce. She is sure some do seek divorce in similar situations, but it happens far less often.

‘Most of the time these women have hung onto these relationships for too long, putting everyone else first. Then they go through a life-changing diagnosis and realise they still aren’t being put first,’ she explains.

They are still expected to run the household and carry the same load despite being told they are going to die soon.

‘More often than not these women come to me shortly after they are diagnosed. They explain nothing shifted and they aren’t being supported.’

She has seen women begging for help and support, telling their husbands what they need from them even as divorce proceedings begin.

‘I have heard them say, “I really need you to help around the house, take on more of the kids’ activities. I need you to comfort me and make sure I am okay.”

‘And quite often the person on the other side argues they are already doing a lot. They can’t put their partner before their ego.’

Ms Kalpaxis has seen women die in the middle of divorce proceedings.

‘Sometimes we need to try to speed things up, even if it means not getting them everything they want in a settlement,’ she says.

‘Because if they die before it is finished then they are still classed as married at the end. And even if their family try to fight for them and their wishes, it doesn’t hold much weight in court.’

Ms Kalpaxis admits it is hard to see relationships break down because of cancer or other life-ending illnesses, because most newlyweds are optimistic when they vow to love each other ‘in sickness and in health’.

‘Then they realise their other half isn’t even going to support them through cancer properly, so they choose divorce,’ she adds.

Sometimes women find it easier to ‘go back to their family’ and get support from their parents or siblings during their final months.

I was diagnosed with cancer and now my husband wants to leave me – his last words will haunt me forever

By Shania O’Brien

A woman has revealed the devastating last words her husband said before he left her – and why their 25-year marriage went up in flames after her cancer diagnosis.

Helena* was diagnosed with multiple myeloma two years ago and said her husband was ‘wonderful’ at first and took care of the house and their pets.

The first round of treatment was ‘awful’ for Helena; she suffered from many side effects and was left with a large tumour on her chest and a hunched back.

‘I’m not sure when it started, but my husband stopped coming to bed and began sleeping on the couch,’ she said.

‘He wouldn’t go to doctors appointments unless I specifically asked him to go. He wouldn’t give me hugs or if he did they were half-hearted.’

Everything came to a head on New Year’s Eve when her husband screamed: ‘Congratulations, your worst nightmare is going to come true. You’re going to die alone.’

Helena explained the lead-up to their heated conversation.

‘Before, it seemed like the more I explained I needed his love, affection and support, the more he made a point of denying me,’ she said.

‘Finally, I confronted him about it just before Christmas. But he just shut down. The more I pushed for him to talk to me, the more nasty he got. He told me I was going to die alone while I begged him to tell me what was going on.

‘What was wrong? What had I done? He screamed at me that he didn’t want to be married to me anymore. That was New Year’s Eve.’

Helena’s husband left that night and has refused to speak to her.

He comes by their house to pick up his tools or anything he needs for work, but he has completely pulled away financially.

‘He stopped paying my car payment and it got repossessed. He hasn’t made the mortgage payment. Thankfully, the power is still on and he hasn’t shut off my phone. I am on disability through my former employment, but it isn’t nearly enough.

‘We have two dogs and five cats that I have to take care of. I am not physically able to do most of the household chores, though I do the best I can. He still has not told me what the problems are in our relationship. All of this has blindsided me.’

Helena shared that while she knew her cancer was a problem, she didn’t think there was anything wrong with their relationship.

‘Up until he left he would call and chat multiple times a day, still told me he loved me. But almost subversively punishing me, too.’

Helena revealed she had been a ‘crying mess’ for months and did not know how to move forward.

‘How does someone who has loved you for over half our lives suddenly become so vicious and uncaring? He was a sweet, affectionate, protective husband until he wasn’t. I can’t wrap my mind around it. How does he justify it in his mind?’

*Name has been changed